Seperating???

[kkenney123]

I am sorry if I should not be posting here, as My Fiancee and I are still together, but I really would like some advice. Every time we argue, no matter how small the issue, she keeps saying she is leaving. This is amazing for me for a couple of reasons: she seems to have no consideration whatsoever for our daughter (20 Months), or the toll that this would take on her. Her father abandoned her when she was younger, and yet she doesnt seem to think twice about saying that we should see other people or that she is moving out. I would think that having it done to her would open her eyes to the hurt that splitting up a childs family at such a crucial age can cause. Usually a fight starts when I "do something wrong", like leave a light on when I exit a room, or take my socks off in the wrong area of the house. Sure, these things can be irritating, just as many things that she does can irritate me, but I don't start a fight in front of our little girl over it, which is something else she doesnt mind doing. She constantly picks fights over nothing. Telling me I dont pay my share of the bills for instance, when in fact, I can readily point out that she pays less per month in her "share" than I do, despite the fact that she makes more than I do. Even when I finally get her to see the fault in one of these arguments, it's like she forgets the discussion altogether, as she will use the same argument to start another fight only days later... I am running out of ways to keep my family together.

Sorry for venting. My biggest fear is this: all of her past relationships have been with these abusive losers who couldnt hold a job or support a family if their lives depended on it (they don't because they find people to leach off of), and I am mostly afraid that she will bring one of these idiots into my daughters life. Will they grant her full custody because she is the mother? We both make alright money, but another concern of Mine is that she thinks she can just move out and find a one bedroom apartment to rent with our daughter in tow. Also, I don't want to spend a single day without seeing her. I have been with her basically every day since she was born. My fiancee also seems more like the parent to always think she needs a break, trying to hand our daughter off to me and say "you take her". This would be fine if she were a stay at home mom or something, but we both work the same hours and only get the same limited time with her. I am more the type of parent to cherish every moment I have with her. Life is too fragile and short to spend a moment mad at my little girl or to pawn her off to someone as if I have better things to do.

What are my rights in this situation considering that we are not married? If we seperate, do I have the power to say who she can have around her? What can I do?

Sorry again for the rant, but I am desperately seeking some counsel on this.

Thanks so much in advance for any feedback.

-K

[gemini3]

No, if you seperate you will not have the right to say who she can and can't spend time with. 

I would suggest that you guys see a counselor to work on the issues at hand before you get married.  These kinds of problems don't get better with time - they get worse.  If your fiance is intent on being a victim there is nothing you can do about it.

If you think there's a possibility that she will move with the child, I would talk to a couple of lawyers in your area for tips on what you can do.

Also, you'll want to establish yourself as one of the child's primary care givers.  This means you should take her to daycare, doctors appointments, etc - and document all of it.  That way she can't say you're not capable of caring for a child so young.