moving across state lines with kids?

[TracyG]

Hello all.  I think I may have hit rock bottom in my marriage and finally getting the guts to leave.  I have this opportunity to go at the end of July.  We live in TX with our 2 school age kids.  i am from MA and will be going there with the kids in a couple of weeks.  I am thinking of staying.

What are the legalities if any about taking kids over state lines and not retuning?  If it makes any difference he is not a citizen of the US just a legal resident.

Any info is appreciated.  I am at a loss.

Thank you

[Giggles]

I would reccomend you think long and hard about uprooting the children from everything they have ever known.

You didn't state what the children's relationship is with their father, what kind of father he is, how active he is, etc.  You must also remember that the children have a right to have EQUAL access to BOTH of their parents!!!

If you feel YOU must go, then have you considered leaving the children?  If not...why not?

You have some tough decisions to make and I would suggest you research the state laws regarding custody.  Have you spoke to your spouse about this?  I would start there.

[Davy]

You are free to go at any time and you don't have to wait until the end of July.

You MUST leave the TX kids at home in TX.

This is because the father is remaining in TX and has nothing to do with his citizen status.

The laws governing the custody of the children in all states is known as the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Act (UCCJA) and the accompaning Federal statues is known as the Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act.

The reasons these statues exist is due to long held legal, moral and ethical standards that children are entitled and are best served by having a relationship with both parents.

In other words you can not uproot the kids to MA and it is probably best for you to stay near your children.

[Waylon]

Don't leave and take the children- it will likely work against you in a big way once all the smoke clears. Judges do NOT like parents who abscond with the kids, especially across state lines. The fact that he's not a US citizen doesn't really matter, if he's a legal resident and the father then he has all the rights and responsibilities that any parent would.

Hello all.  I think I may have hit rock bottom in my marriage and finally getting the guts to leave.  I have this opportunity to go at the end of July.  We live in TX with our 2 school age kids.  i am from MA and will be going there with the kids in a couple of weeks.  I am thinking of staying.

What are the legalities if any about taking kids over state lines and not retuning?  If it makes any difference he is not a citizen of the US just a legal resident.

Any info is appreciated.  I am at a loss.

Thank you

[TracyG]

Thanks so much for the quick responses! 

I was trying to keep m,y post short and sweet.  LOL So much for that. 

We married about 3 yrs ago.  Have been together for over 10.  We have 2 children (5 and .  We separated once when our oldest was 18 months.  He hit me and I had charges filed.  We were separated for about 6 months.  It was glorious and much easier bc we were not married at the time and I had a job.  Now I am mother of 2 and a SAHM.

He weaseled his way back into my life and we ended up with another child.  We married a year or so later not because marriage was ever in my mind, but bc I needed a surgery and his health ins would not take me unless we were legally married.  Off to the courthouse we went.

I cannot leave my kids here.  The one credit right now I can give him is that he works his butt off.  But, that being said, my kids only see him on his day off which is Saturday.  I am the sole caretaker of the children.  He loves them, but does not know how to handle them as well.  ie.  Last week I ran an errand and turns out he left and went to work leaving them home alone.  thank God they were only alone for about 10 minutes and my 8 year old is a smart cookie and locked the doors and immediately called me.  When I asked him what happened he just had no excuse...he is not used to being responisble for them.  He would never intentionally do this, and I believe him.

He is very mentally abusive and controlling with me.  He tells me that all he cares about is sex and basketball.  it's just a sad existance.  I have no desire for him at all, but try to have sex a few times a week to satisfy his appetite.  i just clsoe my eyes....I really have no friends here left in TX.  No job.  I am pretty isolated.  I have no family here.  They are all in MA.  In MA I have a place to live at my father's house and some strong job possibilities once school is back in session.

I can't do this anymore.  I am exhausted.  My kids are seeing this relationship and how unhealthy it is and I do NOT want them repeating this cycle.  They would be better off never marrying than the way things are now.

I cannot do this alone.  I am not strong enough.  my dad has offered his home to me and the kids.  If they lived next door to me in TX I would do it...but unfortunately they live in another state.

So much more to this, but they are all so stupid and trivial.  They add to this in every way.  i have lost friends bc of him.  No one understands why I deal with his crap like I do.  And strangley enough, he thinks I don't do enough.  it's sad.

[ocean]

If you go, dad can file in TX and you will need to come back to TX to sort out custody. TX is the home state for the kids and everything will go through TX (including child support). You can start the process now by filing for custody and child support and then you two will need to come up with a plan for him to be able to see kids. That is a FAR move and since you are moving, you will probably have to pay for all transportation for them to see dad if you get custody.

Call a local lawyer and get a free consultation and see what they say and the best way to handle it.

[Kitty C.]

BT, DT............do NOT leave.  Back in 1990, I left an abusive relationship (we were never married) with my then 1 y.o. son, from CA back to my home state of IA.  DS was born in CA.  Within 2 months, I had been served with a paternity petition from CA and ordered to return to the state.  Once I did, I didn't have ANY resources whatsoever, so when we did get to court, I ended up signing an extremely flimsy joint custody agreement.  It was a total of ONE paragraph that stated we both had joint legal and physical custody.  That was IT.

DS's dad and I got back together because that was the only way at the time that I could survive out there.  But 2 years later, I talked him into moving back here from CA.  Four months later, he took off with DS back to CA without my knowledge (left while I was at work and obviously had it planned for some time).  It took me 6 weeks, 3 trips to CA, 2 court appearances, and 1 emergency mediation to get DS back.  Then the poor child suffered from severe separation anxiety for the next year and a half.

I'm telling you this because the same thing can happen to you, but since you're married he automatically has paternity.  Research any and all resources available, including any DV shelter or agency (I was able to get a great atty. through a Sacramento agency called WEAVE...Women Escaping A Violent Environment).  But DO NOT LEAVE or your legal problems will overshadow any major problem you currently have and will put your children smack in the middle of it.

JMO, but I am assuming the reason why he probably doesn't know how to take care of the kids as well as you do is because he hasn't been able to be with them nearly as much as you have.  The more time he spends with them, the more he will learn.  And regardless of what your relationship with him is like, that doesn't mean he doesn't love and care for the kids.  It took me a while to realize that with DS and his dad.  We couldn't get along but it didn't change the fact that he loved his son very much and that DS worshiped him.  Thank God we finally were able to co-parent and get along for DS's sake, because when DS was 13 and spending the summer with him, he was diagnosed with liver cancer and died 4 weeks later.

I wouldn't wish that on ANY child.  DS is now 20 and is still dealing with anger issues stemming from his dad's death.  Whatever you do, anything you do MUST only have a focus on the children, NOT you.  If you're concerned about your safety, then contact whatever agency you can obtain help from, but DO NOT leave the state until all legalities are worked out regarding custody of the children and the court says it's okay for you to leave.  But if you think you can't wait that long, you have no alternative but to leave them in TX.  TX has jurisdiction over them, not MA.  You can still file for divorce and custody and can even do that from MA if necessary, but you would still have to leave the children in TX.  Before you make ANY move, I strongly recommend you contact an atty.

I apologize for the length of this post, but like I said......BT, DT.  DO NOT put your children through what my son went through.  He may have only been 3-4 y.o. at the time, but he still remembers...

[Davy]

I previously posted the civil statues (UCCJA & PKPA) governing out of state removal of children attempting to let you know the seriousness of the actions you were contemplating.

There have been so many situations which greatly damaged so many children partly due to out of state removal that almost evey state has passed  CRIMINAL CUSTODIAL INTERFERENCE laws.  Note the word CRIMINAL meaning heavy fines and/or jail time.  These statues (by states; thru 2003) are posted in the article index section on this site.   These civil and criminal statues are straight up and nothing is left to the judges dicretion that is usual bias. In addition, there are other staues inherent in your considerations.  As example, once you are in MA for a period of time you may not be allowed to file in TX because your are a resident of MA and any custody proceeding has to be filed in TX because TX will retain jurisdiction as long as the father remains a TX resident.  By the way, these criminal statues come into play with or with out a court order.  The action you are anticiapating would result in a $5000 fine and/or 5 yrs in prison if you were in MA and removed the kids to TX (according to statue documented in the article section).

Also, if you visit an attorney, you should see a TX family Law specialist because not all attorneys can advise you properly.  Interstate custody is expensive.  One other thing, your father could also come under the Criminal Interference statues because that is what he is doing according to your posts.

The children, you and the children's father are going to be best served in the short term and the long term if everything can be worked out together from the very beginning.  You just might be surptrised.   

None of us are attorneys on this site just posting from our own experience and what others have posted.

Best to your family !