Mother not allowing me to spend time with my daughter at my house

[kandyman]

My ex-girlfriend and I had a daughter together and have since parted ways.  We live about 5 hours apart from each other in different states (she lives in Texas,I live in Oklahoma).  I have been out of work since the beginning of June and have not been able to provide money to her for the month of July.  There is no court order in place for any visitation or child support.  Can she legally say that I cannot have my child with me.  I am now married and my wife and I have agreed to pay for all costs associated with my daughter getting to me and she is refusing.  She has said that until I give her money I will not be seeing my child.  Can she legally do that?  Do I have legal rights to go to her house and bring my child home with me?

[Giggles]

Actually, you don't have any rights at this time...sorry to say.  What you need to do is file for visitation rights IMMEDIATELY.  There are valuable links on this site that can steer you in the direction you need to go.  Make sure that the visitation agreement is HIGHLY specific in regards to dates and times to include provisions for transportation, school and make up times if necessary!!!

As for the child support if you are NOT court ordered to pay her then DON'T!!!!!!!  My suggestion is to place any moneys for the child into a seperate account so that when you do get Court ordered, you have the funds.  Most judges view payments without court orders as "gifts" and you may not receive credit for those payments.

[MomofTwo]

Giggles is right....has paternity been legally established? Until that is done, you are not considered the legal father and as such, have no rights. Do NOT go in and remove that child from the mother and especially from the state.

You need to file (where Mom and child reside) for paternity, and based on the results - visitation, custody, and child support.   

Giggles was also right - do not pay Mom until you are court ordered to do so, but be aware, from whatever date child support is filed for, that is when the clock starts ticking. In other words, if support was filed for today but it takes six months to be heard by the courts, you will owe for those six months of support dating to the date it was filed, so it is a very good idea to put money aside for it.

How old is your child? Depending how old the child is and due to the distance, there will be transportation costs involved with visitation. Because you moved away, you will likely have to pay all transportation to see your child. 

[Davy]

... and to add to Giggles post.  You must first determine the jurisdictional state before you file any legal documents.  How did one parent end up in a different state than the child.  In other words.  Who relocated ?

If your child was relocated from your state and you have remained in the state then your state will retain jurisdiction irregardless of how long ago the child has relocated or marital status.

[kandyman]

Paternity has already been established.  I am on the birth certificate and everything to that extent.  We have both relocated from California.

[Davy]

Then it appears TX will have jurisdiction and hopefully you will get a fair shake on all issues... especially if she is in Dallas or the surrounding counties.  Of course your filings will need to be in her county of residence.  Unfortunately, you will still need a court order to gain access unless the child is being harmed and then it would be best not to leave the state without her approval or the approval of an authority.

You may not want to hear this, but for the time being until other issues can be resolved judicially, explain to her you want to do your best for her and the child, kiss her a$$, gift her $50.00 and tell her you'll see her at 6:00 pm on Sunday (standard return time).

Best to ya !

[Kitty C.]

I would double-check on that paternity verification, depending on which state you need to file in.  I know that in CA, even tho DS's dad was on the birth cert. (we were not married, either), he was forced to file a paternity action in order to start the process of custody when we separated.

If TX is the state of jurisdiction, you really need to find out what they require.  Especially if the child was born in another state.  It's weird, I know.  A birth cert. is a legal document filed with the state, but in our case, even tho we were still in CA, the state did not recognize DS's dad as the legal father until he filed the paternity action.  But if TX will accept the birth cert. as legitimate paternity, you're one step ahead.

[Davy]

Depending on the TX jurisdiction they may not take kindly to those from out of state.  My children were articulate English speakers but some considered them "foreigh exchange students" since they didn't speak Texan.  Now they can speak Texan, English and Spanish.
I think you can pick up a copy of "How to Talk Texan" in Starbucks.

I would seriously doubt if anyone in TX would be asked for proof of paternity or a birth certificate unless they can benefit from not possessing any proof like in CA. 

In some parts of Texas, you can get a leg-up if you're a member of the Goat Ropers Association or if you have a sister that was ever a finalist in a Dr. Pepper belching contest.

[snowrose]

• Under Texas law, a child born to a man and woman who are not married has no legal father. There is a difference between a biological father and a legal father. When the child's parents complete an Acknowledgment of Paternity (AOP) to establish legal fatherhood, this helps to secure the legal rights of the child.
  
• Courts cannot order a father to pay child support until paternity is established.
  
• The father cannot enforce his right to visitation or possession of the child until paternity is established.
  
  How is it done?
  It's simple. An AOP can be obtained from the hospital, usually from the birth registrar in Medical Records. The father and mother sign the form, and the hospital staff send the AOP to the Bureau of Vital Statistics (BVS), where it is filed.
  Will signing the Acknowledgment of Paternity make a person the legal father?
  Yes, when the mother and father both sign the AOP, the biological father becomes the legal father once the AOP is filed at the BVS.
  
  http://www.oag.state.tx.us/AG_Publications/txts/paternity.shtml (http://www.oag.state.tx.us/AG_Publications/txts/paternity.shtml)
  
  
  Did you and the mother sign and file an Acknowledgement of Paternity?