They are reaching

[Dadto4]

CPS called me yesterday. They are going to come by my house next week. I am cool with that, I dont have anything to hide. They also told CPS that I am under military orders not to be around children under 12. They are reaching so hard to try to get me on something and its not working for them.  The BM has not tried to contact my D since I got her from the school on the 11th. My D is really upset, she knows that her mom can call her but as of right now she hasn't.  I just keep telling my D its not her fault and that daddy is working on it. Thats the best that I can do right now.

[Kitty C.]

*chuckle*  It almost sounds like they're only doing a house check to appease the other side.  I think CPS is smart enough to know that if the 'military orders not to be around children under 12' line were true, then you would also be ordered the same as a civilian.  And it's only a matter of checking to see what's on file to know if that's true or not...it sounds like they've already disproved that.  They're just going through the motions.

Many years ago, when DS's dad took off with DS without my knowledge while I was at work, he also made a report to DHS here in IA, supposedly because I had abused DS and left bruises.  The problem was that when DHS contacted me, the intake worker told me that he made the report almost 2 weeks after the purported incident and of course, there was no bruising evident.  She said that it was explained to him that suspected abuse, especially with physical evidence, must be reported immediately, but he still wanted to make a report.  The next thing she told me blew me away:  she made a very pointed statement that if a report is deemed 'unfounded', it is destroyed after one year.  Then she repeated it.  Basically what she was telling me was that they were giving no credence to the report and only wrote something up per the demand of DS's dad.  And that was the only contact I had with DHS on the matter........no home visit, nothing.  One year later, I received a letter from DHS that the report had been destroyed, case closed.

It sounds like you're not too stressed about this visit and I think you are absolutely right.  'Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.'  I think they also realize that the reason your DD is with you is because that is the best place she can be right now.  My only concern is how she is psychologically handling the current rejection she's getting from the BM.  If this continues, I would recommend counseling or therapy to help her deal with it.

[tjk]

Would it be helpful to your DD to encourage her to call her mom?

[mafitz]

Your kids are caught in the middle and without someone who is neutral to serve as an intermediary your hands are tied.  I don't think contact with mom is a good idea because she is not fighting for the kids she is fighting for control. 

In many states you can't listen in on the phone calls, you can't record them, so you have no way of protecting the kids from harm.  This mom has already pushed abuse stories, she is doing whatever she can to win.  The kids are "collateral damage". 

[Dadto4]

I took her today to start counseling. Here we can record phone calls if at least 1 party knows that its being recorded. Since the BM is in a shelter they don't allow phone calls in. That was another thing she done due to the fact that she couldn't get me arrested because I didn't do anything, she ran to a domestic violence shelter to make me look bad. But I have all the police reports that show she has been untruthfull. She told me that the place where they were at was full of nasty people and she was scared to be there and was glad that I came and got her. She even told her mother that she was going to climb out a window and leave at one point and the mother said go ahead.

[mafitz]

Do you think it is safe for your daughter to have contact with her mother though?  I know your going to say no, and its the right thing to do.  The therapist is good to act as a neutral party on your daughter's behalf.  For you and your kids I can't wait till this is over.

[armycoppertop]

She told CPS that you were under MILITARY ORDERS to not be around children under the age of 12? Um, I have been in for ten years, and I was a paper pusher for almost all of them, and I have NEVER heard of the military being able to give that kind of order without it being backed up by a civilian restraining order. Now, they can order individuals to have no contact with specific INDIVIDUALS, but they have to look at the whole situation and make sure it is not someone manipulating the command in order to hurt the service member. Go to whatever chain of command supposedly gave this order and get them to write a sworn statement (the one the MPs use, with the oath swearing part) stating that they have never issued any such order, have never spoken to that person, never made such a statement, etc, have no reason to issue such an order, etc. At least for the Army, a No Contact order has to be issued by the individual Soldier's chain of command. So they would know if they issued that order, and she can't say someone else ordered it. No Contact orders also have to be in writing (I have been given one, and a Soldier that was in one of my ex's old units was issued one to have no contact with his wife other than on the phone because of their counselor! So I am experienced with No Contact orders!)