Ex on Meth, 8 yr old son with cancer

[natalieandlevi]

I live in Washington, my ex lives in the same town in Idaho where we were living as a married couple. I am being repeatedly told by neighbors, teachers, and old friends that they think my ex is using drugs, i know she is using meth.

I have tried to divorce her and change the custody, get her to drug test, but she refuses to sign divorce agreements and it gets to the point where I cant afford to keep divorcing her, I just want rid of this marriage. Bottom line is we are still married with nothing filed in the courts at this time. 

In the middle of all this my 8 yr old son was recently diagnosed with stage 4 Osteosarcoma, a very deadly form of bone cancer. I pay my child support on time every month, and provide excellent full coverage health insurance through my job that is getting him the best care. My ex has refused to get a job ever, and lives on my child support and welfare. She collects money in my sons name  telling them she cant afford medical bills even though i pay for them all it has been about 40,000$ so far, and then my ex funnels it to her brothers bank accounts so that she can still collect welfare. It is fraud, and I know this, and combined with her drug use I could probably put her in jail. But my son is dying.

OK so this is the major issue right now. My insurance will cover my sons treatments at a hospital in Houston, MD Anderson (or anywhere) that specializes in saving the limbs that he might loose to this cancer. I have had him go down there and the doctors there can provide the best care for him. Being as my ex has collected all these donations she has the money to pay for her travel from Idaho to Houston, but she is refusing. All she has to do is go to the airport, everything else is paid for, but because she doesnt want to be away from her dope, and she wants to be able to collect disability if my son has to have his leg amputated ( about1200$ a month) she is making irrational medical decisions that are to her own benefit. My son is only 8, and I dont know how to tell these doctors not to listen to her and do whatever it takes to save his limbs.

What are my legal options? I feel so stuck, I am his insurance provider, there isnt a custody agreement in place. How do I force her to start providing medical care that is in the best interest of our son and not her wallett?   

[armycoppertop]

Can you afford a lawyer? Take your documentation about the doctors and her getting the donations to pay for travel and all that, take it to court and ask the judge to ORDER her to take your son to the specialist. If you have any way of proving that she is defrauding the government or any of the other stuff she is suspected of doing, turn her in and get custody of your son if you can... all that money you are paying in child support for her to live on herself would be better spent on a nanny while you are at work and medical expenses. I shudder to think of what kind of pain and suffering your son is going through so that she can get the money to do whatever SHE wants to do!

[Kitty C.]

I also strongly recommend calling the local law enforcement in her town or county and have them do welfare checks periodically on your son.  They will not call in advance and hopefully will catch her with drugs in hand, so to speak.  If they find or suspect drugs or believe that your son is in imminent danger, they can remove your son from the home immediately.  When you call them, tell them your own suspicions of the drugs and also of your son's condition, which is what has prompted you to ask for the welfare check.

What she is doing is highly illegal, and I'm not talking about the drugs.  She is committing fraud and could possibly get nailed even harder on child abuse and neglect charges, which is exactly what she's doing.  But because you don't have a court order outlining custody, it's your word against hers.  Which is why you need an objective 3rd party to get involved and get that process started.  Courts will often listen to 3rd party involvement (law enforcement, school personnel, medical personnel, etc.) more than adversarial parents.  And you have to get someone involved, because this child (IMO) is in imminent danger.  When you call the cops, tell them that you feel that way, too.

I also strongly recommend getting an atty. as well. Get an emergency hearing for temp. sole custody or whatever it takes, but that child must be removed from the mother's home asap...........he's got a double whammy going on right now, between the cancer and the severe neglect from the mother.  The former is bad enough but getting the treatment he needs is critical NOW in order to extend his life.  But add the latter and he most certainly will die prematurely.

[natalieandlevi]

Thank you for your suggestions, i dont have alot of money for an attorney, but It sounds like I will have to get it. Who can I contact about the fraud, DSHS in Idaho? Or should I just have the attorney handle it. Also what is the legal paperwork or the name of the court order I can get to force her to take him to the hospital, Dr's , he needs to go to?

[Mom0f3]

If you are wanting to report her for the fraud I would contact her local agency that handles the welfare fraud.  They have their own departments that deal with the fraud issues, at least her in Missouri they do.  Do you have a court ordered custody agreement?  I would ASAP go to the courts to file a child protection order to keep the Mother from the child if you are willing to do everything on your own and get it all taken care of.  However where we live they would not let us get one because there was already a custody agreement entered into the courts and we have to go back to the court and file a motion to modify.

[Dadto4]

I don't get it. Your not divorced because she wont sign the papers, though your pay child support. Has there been any custody designation made by the courts? If not you have every right to go pick your son up and put him on the plane yourself.  Also there is alot you can do on your own without a lawyer. You will have to put time and effort in. First and formost I would call CPS and inform them that she is refusing your son the treatment that he needs, that you have everything set up for him but she wont take him to the airport. Make sure you have all the documentation for them to back up what your saying. If not it will be like pissing in a fan and calling it a shower, don't do much good.