modifying custody arrangements

[worriedinmd]

I am currently in a situation where I have 50/50 custody with no child support. I feel like the arrangement is working well but it's been only 6 months since the court order and my ex already is trying to get me to change things informally by changing pickup and drop off places, trying to get him a couple of hours early, etc etc. She is threatening to take me back to court if I don't agree to change things. Am I better off trying to appease her and change things for her or should I just stand my ground now, knowing that she will try to take more and more by threatening to take me back to court. Are judges usually willing to change things all around even though we just agreed to everything just 6 months ago or will they leave things the way they are now. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

[Kitty C.]

If you've got a CO that old, she will have to have a very, VERY good reason to file for a modification.  The unspoken rule of thumb is that there has to be a 'significant change of circumstance', specifically with the child, in order to get the court to order a modification.  Remind her that it's only been 6 months and that you both have to try to make the current order work.  Her 'threats' of taking you back to court are just that......threats.  If she wants to waste her money by rehiring her atty. and trying to convince him/her to file for a modification, that's her problem.  And if she didn't like the order she signed 6 months ago, she shouldn't have agreed to it......and that's HER problem, too.

The only barometer here is how it is affecting the child.  Period.  Any other complaint she might have is just hot air and consider it as such.  Tell her you hear her concerns, but there is nothing you can do about it..........you BOTH agreed to the current order and you both have to abide by it.

But whatever you do, do NOT 'give in' to her demands, unless it's give and take.  If she wants something, she has to give something up in return.....only as long as it does not drastically effect the amount of time the child spends with both parents.  If she renegs on her end, do not give in to her again unless she gives something up first.  This goes both ways and it's high time she understands that.

[worriedinmd]

Well originally the meeting place was right in the middle of our residences. Since then I have moved closer to be nearer to his school where I work and she has moved about 30 minutes farther away. Would her moving qualify as a good reason for it to be modified?

[Kitty C.]

In a word.....nope.

I hope you have specifics on pick ups/drop offs, especially location.  If you have met in the 'middle', is that specified in the CO?

[worriedinmd]

yeah, the location is specified. On school days exchanges just happen at school, like whoever's turn it is picks him up. It's only an issue on sunday evening where we were meeting at at store parking lot. She is now saying that since she moved if I dont' agree to change all this stuff around that she is going to take me back to court and get his school switched(which is unlikely because I'm a teacher at his school) and I am going to have to bring him to some new half way point which is farther from me. This wouldn't be so difficult except for that she has moved 4 times in the past two years and constantly changes her schedule. It's impossible to accomodate it, We would literally have to change things every six months. My feeling is that my schedule is stable so why not just leave it in line with the parent who has the stable situation.

[ocean]

Keep to the schedule and if she is cant make the half way point to call you and she is welcome to come to your house and pick him up. (Or you can bring him to school on monday if it is a big issue with her...) The courts will not change his school very easily so it is empty threats for now.

[MomofTwo]

Her theory is backwards....ie, what she is saying may be true if SHE had moved closer to his school and you moved further away making her have to drive further, but that isn't what happened.  She moved, she caused her own increased driving distance, so it is certainly not up to you to have to drive further because of it.  If anything, the fact you moved closer to his school would weigh positively in the courts view for a change to favor you keeping him Sundays nights and taking him to school with you.  Keep to what was ordered and if she keeps pushing it, tell her to go ahead and file because it is very unlikely it would be changed. Kitty is right, the orders are so new the courts would be very unlikely to modify the orders, especially based on the fact she moved away. 

On a different note,  divorce is always ugly and contentious and it is the children that hurt as a result.  If you can amicably work things out and be adult like about it, that is a HUGE benefit to your child, so don't let her railroad you, but definitely try to have a positive relationship with her for the sake of your child and when it isn't a big deal, work with her.  Your child will reap the rewards of you two being positive and working together.   

[Giggles]

One other thing if she does get her panties in a wad and does file in court, you CAN request for HER to pay your attorney's fees.  I happen to know that Judges in MD order Atty fees.

Stick to the CO and if she doesn't like it because SHE moved that's just too darn bad and a Judge WILL tell her that!!

I agree with the others, offer to her if she feels the exchange on Sunday's are too much of a burden on her, that you would be happy to keep him sunday nights and she can pick him up from school!!  Seems to be the most logical solution!

[Kitty C.]

Is the Sunday p/u done by her or you?  Because if it's done by her, then she's got a double whammy against her:  One, SHE is the one who moved further away, and two, there is an unspoken rule that 'he who wants, fetches.'  If she's that adamant about it, tell her if she chooses NOT to utilize the pick-up/drop-off point designated in the order, she can come directly to your house to pick him up.  If she chooses not to, then I guess he'll be going to school from your house the next day.  If she complains about that, remind her she had the choice of picking up at the court-ordered spot or come to your house......if she chose neither, that's HER problem, not yours.

Whatta maroon............she does have it all a$$ backwards.  SHE is the one who moved, so if she wants to waste her money on not only her atty. but YOURS, too, and the court costs, she's dumber than I thought.  Let her put her money where her mouth is, if she refuses to work with you on this issue.  Definitely ask for your atty. fees if she pursues this, because what she would be filing is a frivilous petition and a waste of everyone's time.

[CuriousMom]

I agree with Kitty and Giggles - she moved, she can travel the extra distance.  My CO is worded as Kitty said for weekends.  I have to pick-up on Sunday's at dad's house.

Judge's do not take to kindly to the petty stuff.