Need Advise

[jakerr]

I have been reading all the post for awhile now and found it to be a great site. To fill in briefly about my situtation- Ex and I have a 3year old daughter and we have joint custody,with her being the main parent. Everything was fine with a few minor things over the last year. In 2007 she pulled this stunt  and had an affair with a man got pergant and decided she wanted to move. I said no, went to my att and filed. She did not want all the things in her closet to come out and dropped things and we went on with things. Court granted me more visitation and other things. Once again the court said to her no moving with out permison.

Well she once again decided she wants to move again this time to be with the other babies daddy. I said no .  She thought that she would be slick and moved thinking that I would not find out.  Wrong  File and won temp custody of my daughter.  Of course this did not set well because she did not know that I had done this and when I picked up the child she could not get her back. Talk about one pee off person. I have a very good att . He made sure that she was not served until I had the child in my care and etc.   Talk about good. I felt like I was doing a covert mission.

I have been keeping a journal of everything, I have the child in one of the best preschools in town etc.  I was told by my attorney to continue to pay child support as to not put me in the rears in case I did not win. Then I get a call from him saying I did not have to . She has hired I believe an attorney. The only thing that has been brought out is when she can see the child. Other than that nothing. I believe she pays him on a visit bases.  It has been weeks and I have not heard a thing from my att. I am hoping that no news is good news.   

I have read the list and there is a statement that says if you have temp custody you have got a good chance. I guess I am confused as to why her att has not done a thing. and why would my att say do not pay any child support , or that the child is not going anywhere. Our court date is Nov 9th . Any advise or has anyone been through this before. The other thing that I have notice is the mother is not even trying to do a thing.

Thanks for listening.
 

[snowrose]

Congrats on getting temporary custody!  The longer you have it, the better your chances of keeping your daughter.  Judges prefer to keep the status quo.

I'm wondering if your child support order was changed to say no more CS when you were given temp custody.  Was it?  If it was not, I would continue to pay the child support until the order is changed - and I'd get my attorney working on changing that CS order real fast.

[jakerr]

No nothing was said in the temp custody order . I was only told to not pay it. I hope that I have done everything to the best of my ablity. Please do not think that I do not want the mom to play apart in her life but I am tired of her pulling my chain. Every child needs both of thier parents and I can not be a parent if every time she gets a whim she doses somthing crazy. I have cleaned up my life to be the best parent  and person I can be.

I guess the silence is what is getting to me. The not knowing if this will be perment. I am sure everyone has a horror story to tell about thier ex's  and she will cont to bully me if I do not stand up for my rights.

I am determined to be a part of her life and I hope that others feel the same way.

Please advise me if there is anything elese I can be doing to help my case.  I have been saving all the child support in case I loose.


Thank you

[MixedBag]

The only other thing I'd suggest is to go to the court house and take a look through the physical file yourself.

OR maybe even go to your attorney's office and ask to see your file -- NOT to see the attorney, just your file.  Maybe there's something in there that hasn't quite been shared -- like a letter from her attorney.

[jakerr]

Her att as not even sent a letter nothing but the one phone call. She told her att she would not move back and was going to stay right where she was . According to the document she had no permission to move and was held in comtempt of court for this. This is the second time she has tried to do this in about 18months and the first time since she had skeltons in her closet she withdrew. This time she says to me that nothing will stop her including thejudge she is the mother and that is the end of the story. She drew up the plans of visitation and expects me to deal with it. I would be loose out allot of time as well as driving to and from. Why is it always the exs want it thier way and never takes what is the best way. I have been more than fair in many ways with her and will cont to do so but I will not be walked on in this case.

Basicially she is telling the courts she dosenot care she is the mom and will do what she wants. As our att put in the papers she thumb her nose up to the court. Believe me when I say that I have a very good att and he has made statement the child is not going any where . I know that he can not decide but I would like to believe he has a good idea of what is going on. Oh I did not mention that the att she hired used to be a judge and was ask to leave the bench when he did some not good things. From what I read he dose not have the best reputation in town. I read where he was held in contempt  for disregarding things in his own divorce case. Not to mention he has been known as a player with the women.

Thank you

[Giggles]

It sounds to me that you're making all the right moves and yes, you do have a great atty!  If there is one thing I've learned, the wheels of justice turn very slowly so it's not unusual for you to not hear much and then all of a sudden wham, info galore!

One thing you didn't state in your posting is how your DD is adapting to being with you full time?  Keep a daily journal if need be to show the court that she is adjusting fine, if it doesn't get you full custody (stupid judges), it may be a good argument for no less than 50/50...provided BM moves back to the area.

Remember to keep the focus on what is BEST FOR THE CHILD, maintaining status quo is what's best.  I wouldn't worry what BM was doing or who she hired...keep the focus on the child!  See BM has lost that focus....the BF is most important to her....that's why she moved and thinking just because she the "mom" she'll maintain custody will bite her in the butt!!

KEEP US POSTED!!

[Kitty C.]

Her att as not even sent a letter nothing but the one phone call. She told her att she would not move back and was going to stay right where she was . According to the document she had no permission to move and was held in comtempt of court for this. This is the second time she has tried to do this in about 18months and the first time since she had skeltons in her closet she withdrew. This time she says to me that nothing will stop her including thejudge she is the mother and that is the end of the story. She drew up the plans of visitation and expects me to deal with it. I would be loose out allot of time as well as driving to and from. Why is it always the exs want it thier way and never takes what is the best way. I have been more than fair in many ways with her and will cont to do so but I will not be walked on in this case.

Basicially she is telling the courts she dosenot care she is the mom and will do what she wants. As our att put in the papers she thumb her nose up to the court. Believe me when I say that I have a very good att and he has made statement the child is not going any where . I know that he can not decide but I would like to believe he has a good idea of what is going on. Oh I did not mention that the att she hired used to be a judge and was ask to leave the bench when he did some not good things. From what I read he dose not have the best reputation in town. I read where he was held in contempt  for disregarding things in his own divorce case. Not to mention he has been known as a player with the women.

Thank you

Everything she is telling you and all that she has filed (with her 'demands') is just that: demands.  She can ask, beg, plead, and demand all she wants to.......if the court says no, that's it.  You have temp. custody because she has screwed up a second time in a very short time frame.  She thinks that just because she's the mom, she will get everything she wants....not true anymore.  Many disenfranchised fathers tend to believe their exes demands, but until you have the CO signed by the judge, she has NOTHING.

But snowrose is right, as long as you have temp. custody, you are currently in the driver's seat.  And the longer you maintain that, the more favorable your chances to keep it.  Judges lean more towards the 'status quo' and if your child is doing well with you, it's very possible that the temp. will be made perm.  NEVER take anything for granted, tho!

As for CS, always remember that it is considered a totally separate issue from custody.  And, unless you have a new CO relieving you of that responsibility, you must continue to pay, or run the risk of becoming delinquent.  Never mind what your atty. said.....if you talk to him about it, ask him if there is a new CO for support and unless he says yes, you still have to pay until a new order is signed by the judge.  I know it seems wrong for you to pay her when you have the child, but often these orders aren't written simultaneously and there is a gap.  Follow every order to the letter, so that you can always come to court with clean hands.

[ocean]

Is she seeing child now? You are doing good. Keep documenting and video tape things you are doing fun with the child to show that the child is doing great with you (pumpkin picking, baking cookies...whatever...Halloween) Take pictures of regular stuff...at daycare with her friends if you are allowed. The longer this goes on...the better. I know it is hard not knowing but she is with you and courts like to have keep that the same. You will need to come up with a visitation schedule for her so start thinking.
Have a schedule ready to go ..very detailed. I would even go as far as if mother does not return child after visitation, xyz happens. Since she moved, she should be doing the driving or at least a half way point. Think ahead about when child goes to school. What happens over long weekends? holidays? birthdays? summer weeks? spring break? Details with times of pick ups, drop offs, dates if possible from summer weeks. If it turns to 50/50 that father's school district will be used when child goes to Kindergarten and child will remain at current pre-school.

[jakerr]

Thank you for all the advise. As far as adjustment goes We go to the circus and park as well as every evening a bike ride . I have her on a schedule of dinner ,bath story time and then we even have a craft time. She has a little friend that comes over on ocassion and plays.  I sit and work with her on the basic such as numbers etc.  My grandmother lives a few houses down and we visit her on a regular bases.  Every time I let her mother have her the child whole routinie is messed up. Her attitude is different and it takes me at least a day to get her back on track.

I realize that mom is saying things but I do not and will not play that game.  If I have a conversation I step out side or go in another room. The child will not hear me say things good or bad about her mom. I do not think that is the case on the other end.

We have pictures and things to back up all things that we do. Not for only for court but for myself.


Anyone have any good advise let me know all is appericated and taken into consideration.