Adversely Affecting the child

[marandksmom]

I am new on here so I will begin with a little background info.  I have two children from previous relationships.  One girl (7) and one boy (4).  In dealing with my little girl I became the NCP about 3 years ago.  Up until she was 4 she lived with me full time, but around the time that she was 3 she began telling the babysitter some disturbing things about some inmproper touching done by her father.  At this point, I did what I think any mother should do in this case and I quit letting her see him and I began to investigate further.  I took her to the ER where they told me that her hymen was still in place so they could not tell if anything had happened but that didn't mean that it didn't.  I got DHS involved, which was a mess to say the least and I began her in counceling.  In the meantime he was hiring a lawyer and taking me to court for full custody.  At this point in time I was still in college and was pregnant with my fiance's child and we were living together.  To make a very very long story short, he won full custody of my daughter when we finally made it to court.  I was devistated.  She was and always will be my very sweet sweet angel. 
When we went to court my situation was this: I had one year left of college before I graduated with my bachlors, I was living at home with my parents, I had left my son's father, and I did not have a job due to the fact that I was having to commute to and from school which was a two hour commute, but I knew I had to get my degree in order to provide a better life for my children.  He on the other hand had gotten married, they both had jobs, etc... He obviously looked much better on paper and in court than I did due to the circumstances.  And I could never get hard evidence about the improper touching although the councelor did submit a written document stating that he did believe something was going on but he could not tell what and he would need more time, so they just thought I was making it all up and being vendictive.  The first year and a half was especially bad.  She would throw fits every other weekend when she had to go back and it was just very sad and he would not work with me on anything dealing with her but there was nothing going on that I knew of that was adversely affecting her and that is what all my lawyers have told me to look for bc that would be the only way that I could take him back to court.
Since we went to court I have done everything the courts and her dad said I wouldn't do.  I graduated from college, got a great job, found a wonderful husband, very involved in church, we own our own house, etc.  Last year he came to me wanting CS.  I had no problem with it, but at the same time after seeking legal advice they said if I didn't pay him then he would have to take me to court and at that time I could show to the judge my progress and express my willingness to spend more time with my daughter and that would be the only way that I could get back in court since there was nothing adversely affecting her situation with her dad.  So I did not pay him and he filled for a court date for CS.  Before the date we came to an agreement that I would pay him and that we would still go to court.  We still have not been to court and here is where we stand now.
In January they moved from their trailer to a house that his dad owned about a month ago he told me that they were having to move again because his dad was giving the house back to the bank?!  So I was worried that my daughter was going to have to switch schools, she loved the school she was in and it was a very good school.  But the dad assured me that since her stepmom was a teacher there then she would be able to go to school there.  Well, about two weeks ago I found out that her stepmom had been forced to resign from her teaching position at that school so she would have to switch schools.  Also, she has a tooth in her mouth that was bothering her about a year ago and I told her dad about it. I assumed that he would take care of it but this past weekend she was complaining and I looked and now the same tooth is half gone and rotten. I called and offered my assisstance with the matter since she is covered under my health insureance and dental he scolded me and told me he would take care of it. That was two weeks ago and still nothing has been done.  Isn't that neglect?? 
I need to know if any of this is enough to get my daughter back.  I don't want to have false hope but I think these things are definatly adversly affecting her.
Moved 3 times in 10 months.
Changed schools in the middle of school year
Not seeking Medical attention
Alienation - everytime I call he will not answer etc. calls stepmom mom and me the birthmother

There is no way for me to put all the details in here but if I need to elaborate on anything I will be happy to.  I have just paid my lawyer another large fee to go back to court and I want my daughter back.  The schools where I live have much higher test scores than the ones she is in now.  I have a very stable job and we have no plans of moving anytime soon not to mention I do have full custody of my son and they have a very strong bond where there is no other family members at her dad's. In the original CO the judge did not deem either one of us as unfit parents but that he was in a better position to provide for her and he was at that point, but now what??  And why did her stepmom get forced to resign??  My mom has been a teacher for 30 years and she has only known of one other person get forced to resign.
So many questions....I just don't want to spend a bunch on money and go through all this again if I am just wishful thinking.  Any opinions or advice would be greatly appreciated. 

[ocean]

Do you have joint legal custody now? If you do then you are allowed to take her to the dentist yourself. Going to be very hard to switch custody and another long battle in court. I would ask around and see why step-mom was asked to leave her school (something MAJOR happened for that to be done midyear...). See if she was arrested for something?

[marandksmom]

No, he has primary custody and I have visitation.  I have heard that it is going to be very hard to change the original agreement, but I am with you...something bad had to have happened for the step mom to be forced to resign.  I have tried to get some info, but nobody knows why this was done.  My daughter's teacher even said that they had the grandmother come withdraw her from school bc apparently they were too embarrassed to show their faces again. 
If it is something bad like drugs or involvement with a student and the school system feels that she should not be around students then don't you think a judge might feel the same way about her being around my daughter.

[ocean]

Look at your papers again....What does it say about LEGAL custody (that is different then primary parent). You can have visitation and have joint legal which means you have a say in medical and schooling things. See if you have that written somewhere...

Next, Look at you state website for courts... see if you can look up crimes and arrests. In my state you can put in a name and see if they have any pending charges/court dates...

Then, maybe call the PTA president of that school and see if they know anything about why the teacher was let go. Call or look-up the local paper, they may run a story about it soon. It take a LOT to get rid of a teacher. Was she tenured? If she was then it had to be arrest and even that she would be paid until she was convicted. See how much it would cost to hire a detective to find out...might be worth the money if you cant find out yourself. They will go talk to whoever until someone spills it... They might have caught the fact that she was lying to keep daughter in that school (but dont think that is enough to fire her...just give you 30 day notice that child will no longer be allowed to stay...).

Is court before the next time they intend to move? Maybe you can use the constant moving of schools to get a temporary order to have child start school by you so she is in a stable school environment.