At war....home and abroad

[twalk1216]

Greetings,
     
      I would like to take this time to thank each and every one of you for sharing your woes and concerns for your chlid(rens) future. I am new to the forum and I am just looking for a light at the end of the tunnel.

       I have two children from a previous marriage(13,11). I served in the US Army for 13 years, pretty much my daughter's entire life. and marrying her mother right out of high school was just the option I thought was best at the time. I'm originally from Philadelphia, and I've always seen kids that I grew up with not having both parents around. I didn't want that to be my case...... Having been all around the world and to many different campaigns, my ex wife thought it would be fine to find a "replacement" for me while I was away. this happened about 10 years ago.  She had just had my son whose now 11, and at the time we lived in Texas, While on deployment she picks up and moves  to Maryland, and for 2 years I could not find where she was. She would call when she needed money and things. But to see the children it was impossible.  I had called CPS to have them search for my children., Police etc. and they kept asking me what did I want them to do about it, this was in '97.

In '98 I found out where they were. I went to this run down apartment and took them. No questions.....just took them. I was living in Germany at the time. We agreed a few weeks later that it was best for the children that they stayed with me. Now a year or so of not hearing from her, I have a knock on my door, and its the MP(military police) and my commanding officer there to arrest me on kidnapping. And at the time we were still married, but legally separated. Now again, the children go back to their mother and I have to explain myself repeatedly to my commander about the situation. So in a nut shell, all of 2004 I was at war in Iraq, the filing of Divorce was immediate, I didn't get the paperwork to sign, because I was to contest the custody of my children. When I called to check the date of the proceedings, they had told me that they had not heard from me since the filing and that it was an "absolute" and that it would be no way that the courts would award custody to me because I was in the military. I now live in Washington state with my wife and daughter. It was agreed in the decree that we have joint custody of our two children and that this year I would have "no questioned" visitation rights. The kids have always told me that they want to live with me, and their mother said that if they keeping saying that, they would never see me again, which scares me because it has happened before.

The evidence is clear who the fitter parent is. My wife and I both work, we have a home large enough for two families and it is not like the area I and my ex-wife grew up in.  She has no job she has never worked since the kids have been alive, and is  on public assistance, section 8  housing etc.  It's not that she doesn't work she's just lazy and doesn't want to. She feels like everyone owes her something. Anyway's I bought two tickets for my children to fly out for christmas, she agreed. this was the first week in December. on friday the 16th (which was my 32nd birthday) she calls me and tells me that they are not coming. This completely destroys all that I have worked on. I didn't to get mean with this woman, I figured I'd cut my losses and the custody would have to work itself out some how(she just can't handle them or whatever) My son told me yesterday that all the things that I bought them over the years she pawned. All electronics, she sold the clothes I bought them (this past Easter about $1600 worth). Every time I've got a chance to see them they are int worst clothing I've seen. She buys their clothing from the good will store and spends the rest on the drug habit she denies has. My children tell me everything, Also they are in desparate need to go to the dentist. but she has the nerve to tell my children that I don't love them. She talks bad about me. especially when I buy them things. She tells me I make her out  to be the bad guy. I guess the truth hurts sometimes.

 I am now in the process of filling for custody to be the custodial parent. But I am filing out of state, does anyone think that I have a chance or can offer some advice? Sorry it was so long, I haven't vented like this in years. Best of luck to all who a fight on their hands, I pray your outcome will be just and fair.

thanks again.....tw1216              

[MixedBag]

In my personal experience and from reading on this board, yes it is difficult to get custody changed when you are out of state.

HOWEVER, not impossible.

I suggest you "search" this site for others who have approached this subject because of course, there are many things a court will consider.

Some of the "items" or justification that you have IMHO will not sway the court in your direction......but some of the "items" you state would sway the court in your favor.

See -- you gotta be able to PROVE in court your allegations against the Custodial Parent (whether that's mom or dad).  And that's where the majority of your challenge lies.

The kids are at an age where it's not 100% sure that the judge will allow them to testify.  That again depends on the state that has jurisdiction because each state (and probably down to a county) will treat that differently.  Heck, each JUDGE will treat it differently.

Not even sure if you could do this, but if you were overseas and on active duty, the SSCRA should/could have been used to protect your rights in civil proceedings in the state.....I'm not an attorney, but this might be worth checking in to and I might be wrong.  (Retired military here).

Good luck, and by all means feel free to read, search, and post your concerns on this board -- and help others learn from your experiences.