Waste of time or not?

[Iceman21]

Hello everyone, I am new to the forum here and I am excited to tap into the wealth of information here.

I will try and be brief in explaining my story. My ex wife and I separated in January of 2008. We have 2 children under the age of 10. We started the divorce process with her having an attorney and I was on my own. Baby Mama moved in with her parents and I moved in with my father. The children stayed with Baby Mama.  We had a verbal agreement on visitation, I would see the kids 2 days a week and every other weekend. As months passed with no court action I eventually had the kids 6 days a week one week and 3 days a week the other week all overnights.  This was somewhat forced into place by me because Baby Mama was more interested in her new boyfriend and did everything in her power to lie to me about where my kids were and who was watching them. Her new boyfriend is a piece of work with a rap sheet longer than Santa's naughty or nice list. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 38  total hits, mostly traffic related, but he does have 4 domestics, a few DWI/DUI's, and last but certainly not least a class D felony for False Imprisonment and Intent to Harm. He basically kidnapped the mother of his child when she was 6 months pregnant, threatened to set her on fire, and dragged her across state lines. Luckily she escaped and lived to tell about it. The boyfriend has 2 kids of his own that he doesn't see or support. Oh and I found out that a month after we separated she (baby mama) contracted Herpes from her boyfriend whom didn't disclose his STD with her before having sex with her. He knew he had an STD and has passed it on to several other girls before my ex-wife.

In august of 2008 Baby Mama decided she wanted to move to Texas with her new boyfriend (he ran there when his baby mama threaten to take him to court for child support). After about 2 weeks of talking about I agreed to let her go and move there if she left me with the kids. She agreed and had her lawyer draw the papers to reflect her move. About a week before she was going to move her boyfriend moved back into town because he caught a warrant in Texas and Florida. She came to me and told me that she was no longer moving and that she had fired her lawyer and retained a new attorney. I hired a lawyer at this time and explained the situation and expressed my interest in filing for temporary custody. He began gathering information (this took several months btw, as status date after status date passed). In April of 2009, her lawyer beat us to the punch and filed for temporary custody and a child support order. I had been paying child support every week since we separated. I turned around and subsequently fired my lawyer since he did absolutely nothing during the time that I retained him.

Fast forward to the present, we were in court on Tuesday for yet another status date. I was presented with a Marriage Settlement Agreement and a Joint Parenting Agreement earlier in the week and Baby Mama and her lawyer were hoping that I would just sign the papers and be done with it. I changed several things that I had issue with in the papers and gave them to her lawyer. I am going to list the issues below:

1. The use of the word Primary in reference to her being the residential parent. - I removed the word primary.
2. I asked that if my ex is going to be the residential custodian that the children both have their own bed to sleep in.  -My son has his own room and my daughter is forced to sleep with her mother in the same bed. Her lawyer objected to that. He stated the court wouldn't decide on that. I then told him that the court might decide on that since she has a very contagious STD and she sleeps in the same bed as my daughter, and my children have their own bedrooms at my townhouse.
3. I have asked that wording be added to reflect that she cannot bring her boyfriend in the prescence of my children at any time, regardless of their marital status because of him being a felon.
4. Child support ends at their 19th birthday. - Her papers put us both on the hook for educational expenses and misc expenses until their 24th birthday if they are in school. They also extend child support until their 24th birthday. Her lawyer tells me that we do have an obligation as parents to pay for college should I children decide to go to college and that the wording has to be in the papers because the judge will order it anyway.

Those are the major issues that I brought forth and several smaller ones that are not relevant to this discussion.

The question that I have for the forum is, are my objections out of line? Does her having an STD and a felonious boyfriend risk her being able to keep residential custody of the children. I feel as though they should be with me and staying with me. BM will eventually attempt to move out her parents house (when she sucks them dry of money), and it will be that time that she attempts to bring her new man around the kids and put them in danger. I have a feeling that he has already put his hands on my ex, which she denies of course.

What is everyone's thoughts?

Oh, I live in Illinois BTW.

[jgaff78]

I may not be the best person to respond to this since I am basically a spectator (I have been watching/helping my fiance deal with custody issues for the past 4 years), but I will put my two cents in anyway. I should also mention that I am a CASA in my state and represent the best interests of children in court fairly regularly. So you will have to decide for yourself how much worth you put into my opinion.

Basically, if I was you I would make sure I had a really good lawyer this time around and push as hard as you can for full custody. From what you have said, your ex is not stable and cannot provide a stable home for the children. I assume a judge will see this and rule in your favor. But it is never safe to assume anything so make sure you build a good case for yourself in order to protect the best interests of your children.

Personally, I would tell your ex's lawyer that you will decide everything in court because you do not want your children living with their mother since she cannot provide a proper home. Trust your instincts and do what is best for your kids, they are the ones that matter now.

[Iceman21]

The only reseveration that I have about going full force for full custody at this point in that the children do have a somewhat stable environment since they are living at their grandparent's house with their mother. She has done a very good job at keeping the kids away from her BS. She knows that I am not messing around with my kids and that the kids should really be with me, but she certainly does not want to lose what she is getting from me on a weekly basis, and she doesn't want to be the mom that gave up her kids, even if it is for the best.

I don't see her moving out of her parents house anytime soon, and I think she knows that if she does I will do what is needed to get the kids from her because I will not allow the kids to be put in danger by her boyfriend and whatever other drama she decides to bring. She can't do that now while living at her parent's house