Waste of time or not?

[Iceman21]

Hello everyone, I am new to the forum here and I am excited to tap into the wealth of information here.

Iwill try and be brief in explaining my story. My ex wife and Iseparated in January of 2008. We have 2 children under the age of 10.We started the divorce process with her having an attorney and I was onmy own. Baby Mama moved in with her parents and I moved in with myfather. The children stayed with Baby Mama.  We had a verbal agreementon visitation, I would see the kids 2 days a week and every otherweekend. As months passed with no court action I eventually had thekids 6 days a week one week and 3 days a week the other week allovernights.  This was somewhat forced into place by me because BabyMama was more interested in her new boyfriend and did everything in herpower to lie to me about where my kids were and who was watching them.Her new boyfriend is a piece of work with a rap sheet longer thanSanta's naughty or nice list. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 38 total hits, mostly traffic related, but he does have 4 domestics, a fewDWI/DUI's, and last but certainly not least a class D felony for FalseImprisonment and Intent to Harm. He basically kidnapped the mother ofhis child when she was 6 months pregnant, threatened to set her onfire, and dragged her across state lines. Luckily she escaped and livedto tell about it. The boyfriend has 2 kids of his own that he doesn'tsee or support. Oh and I found out that a month after we separated she(baby mama) contracted Herpes from her boyfriend whom didn't disclosehis STD with her before having sex with her. He knew he had an STD andhas passed it on to several other girls before my ex-wife.

Inaugust of 2008 Baby Mama decided she wanted to move to Texas with hernew boyfriend (he ran there when his baby mama threaten to take him tocourt for child support). After about 2 weeks of talking about I agreedto let her go and move there if she left me with the kids. She agreedand had her lawyer draw the papers to reflect her move. About a weekbefore she was going to move her boyfriend moved back into town becausehe caught a warrant in Texas and Florida. She came to me and told methat she was no longer moving and that she had fired her lawyer andretained a new attorney. I hired a lawyer at this time and explainedthe situation and expressed my interest in filing for temporarycustody. He began gathering information (this took several months btw,as status date after status date passed). In April of 2009, her lawyerbeat us to the punch and filed for temporary custody and a childsupport order. I had been paying child support every week since weseparated. I turned around and subsequently fired my lawyer since hedid absolutely nothing during the time that I retained him.

Fastforward to the present, we were in court on Tuesday for yet anotherstatus date. I was presented with a Marriage Settlement Agreement and aJoint Parenting Agreement earlier in the week and Baby Mama and herlawyer were hoping that I would just sign the papers and be done withit. I changed several things that I had issue with in the papers andgave them to her lawyer. I am going to list the issues below:

1. The use of the word Primary in reference to her being the residential parent. - I removed the word primary.
2.I asked that if my ex is going to be the residential custodian that thechildren both have their own bed to sleep in.  -My son has his own roomand my daughter is forced to sleep with her mother in the same bed. Herlawyer objected to that. He stated the court wouldn't decide on that. Ithen told him that the court might decide on that since she has a verycontagious STD and she sleeps in the same bed as my daughter, and mychildren have their own bedrooms at my townhouse.
3. I have askedthat wording be added to reflect that she cannot bring her boyfriend inthe prescence of my children at any time, regardless of their maritalstatus because of him being a felon.
4. Child support ends at their19th birthday. - Her papers put us both on the hook for educationalexpenses and misc expenses until their 24th birthday if they are inschool. They also extend child support until their 24th birthday. Herlawyer tells me that we do have an obligation as parents to pay forcollege should I children decide to go to college and that the wordinghas to be in the papers because the judge will order it anyway.

Those are the major issues that I brought forth and several smaller ones that are not relevant to this discussion.

Thequestion that I have for the forum is, are my objections out of line?Does her having an STD and a felonious boyfriend risk her being able tokeep residential custody of the children. I feel as though they shouldbe with me and staying with me. BM will eventually attempt to move outher parents house (when she sucks them dry of money), and it will bethat time that she attempts to bring her new man around the kids andput them in danger. I have a feeling that he has already put his handson my ex, which she denies of course.

What is everyone's thoughts?

Oh, I live in Illinois BTW.

[buccaneer_d]

If everything you say is true then I can't imagine a court giving her custody of the kids. BUT YOU NEED A LAWYER!!! If you can't afford one, check around on the internet or with community groups and find someone who can do your case, or at least advise you, for free.

Sounds like your kids are in for a tough life if she is the major influence in their lives. GET HELP NOW.  And definately start logging, recording and/or keeping records of EVERYTHING that happens from now on. Try and go back and remember dates or approximated dates of everything that has occurred in the past and write it all down. Daily logs go a long way in courts when it comes down to he said/she said stuff.

Do not try to represent yourself. If your kids needed surgery, you wouldn't do that by yourself and you shouldn't try to handle something as important to them as this by yourself either.

Best of luck to you man. My ex isn't as bad as yours so I feel for you. Seriously though... there is help out there for you.. you just have to do the leg work, pound on doors and make phone calls until you find it. This chick is bad news for your kids and it WILL affect them the rest of their lives!

Again... GOOD LUCK!!!!   FIGHT FOR YOUR KIDS!!!

[ocean]

You are right about the bed (they dont have to have their own room as far a judge is concerned but definitely a bed).

Boyfriend- Are the kids afraid of him? Has he said anything to them? Can you get a restraining order against the boyfriend for the kids?

Child support- GO by your state guidelines... Most states are 18 some 19....mine 21. Tell lawyer you researched your state and it says parents will support until xx.

Dont be intimidated by lawyer. Call his bluff. Tell him these things need to be changed or we ask the judge to decide. Be careful what you tell other lawyer...Dont tell him the evidence you have against her. You need some in case you go to trial.

If the child does not have their own bed, I would stongly suggest you ask for a homestudy and go for primary placement.

[Kitty C.]

College.......

'Herlawyer tells me that we do have an obligation as parents to pay forcollege should I children decide to go to college and that the wordinghas to be in the papers because the judge will order it anyway.'

You don't say what state you're in, but regardless of whether or not it's the law in your state that separated/divorced parents MUST pay for their children's college education, it is UNCONSITITUTIONAL!  Why?  Because married couples are NOT required to fund their children's education, that's why.  I've got a feeling that her atty. is trying to pull one over on you. 

Here in IA, it is law that CS can be ordered past the age of majority, but the child must be in a post-secondary school, maintain a C+ average, and ALL the money goes directly to the child (regardless of whether the child still lives at home or not).

Personally, if society considers one to be an adult at the age of 18 and expects them to be financially responsible for themselves, I have yet to figure out why ANY CS should be ordered past that age, unless they are still in HS.  NO parent has an obligation or responsibility to fund an adult child's education, IMO.  There are plenty of loans, grants, scholarships, and jobs they can apply/work for and if they're ever going to be responsible for themselves, it's a good learning process for them.  Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now....

[Davy]

The OP stated he is in ILL-and-Noise and from my experience (I grew up there) the whole friggin state is UNCONSTITUTIONAL.  The CS standard as described used to be in place. 

The OP would help by identifying his venue...things are different in a large venue (ie CHI/Cook, northern county, SPFLD/capital, as compared to a small apple knocking venue.

IMHO, the OP should DEMAND PRIMARY and fight tooth and toe nail any thought of mother as residential.   Probably considered an emergency using the boyfriend's history.

DAD should FOCUS on 1) the amount of time he has cared for the children 2) along with the mother's reluntance to maintain the child care agreement, (3)  and the mother's plan to abandon the children and relocate to another state and (4) attack the poor decisions last.

The next boyfriend may be a choir boy and she could get an air mattress to resove the sleeping arrangement.

I have no idea about herpes but I hope she does not end up in TX.
I suggest you should tread lightly on this issue since it is highly probable the judge also has herpes.

[MrCustodyCoach]

I have yet to figure out why ANY CS should be ordered past that age, unless they are still in HS. 

#1 - I can help you figure it out.  It's in the state's best interests to keep as high a CS award as possible going for as long as possible.  They receive kickbacks from the Federal government in matching funds for child support collections and enforcement.

#2 - You are correct, many states no longer have provision which forces the payment for education after high school.  Some still do.  It is unconstitutional and takes legislation to get it changed in each state.  The Federal government has not stepped in on that front.

The lawyer is going to do an end-run on you (the OP), I would stop negotiating with her attorney on your own.  You're way out of your league and will end up the loser on all counts.  Her attorney's job is to get as many things done in her favor as possible.

1. The use of the word Primary in reference to her being the residential parent. - I removed the word primary.

It doesn't matter unless one side has the majority of the physical custody.  You're changing language that has no bearing on the situation, unless you are retaining more than 50% custody.  If 50/50, someone is called the "primary" for the purposes of child support.  That title goes to the CS recipient.

2.Iasked that if my ex is going to be the residential custodian thatthechildren both have their own bed to sleep in.  -My son has his ownroomand my daughter is forced to sleep with her mother in the same bed.Herlawyer objected to that. He stated the court wouldn't decide onthat. Ithen told him that the court might decide on that since she hasa verycontagious STD and she sleeps in the same bed as my daughter, andmychildren have their own bedrooms at my townhouse.

Again, you're out of your league.  This issue is so minor and, as others have said, a $50 air mattress takes care of the problem.  Beyond that, your ability to police it is non-existent.

3. I haveaskedthat wording be added to reflect that she cannot bring herboyfriend inthe prescence of my children at any time, regardless oftheir maritalstatus because of him being a felon.

Good luck policing that, too.  Morals clauses are practically unenforceable.  Fact is, given that he is a repeat felon, combined with her wishy-washy acts of moving, not moving, moving, not moving, and their living arrangements, you should be looking for full custody until her living arrangements change rather significantly.

4. Child supportends at their19th birthday. - Her papers put us both on the hook foreducationalexpenses and misc expenses until their 24th birthday if theyare inschool. They also extend child support until their 24th birthday.Herlawyer tells me that we do have an obligation as parents to payforcollege should I children decide to go to college and that thewordinghas to be in the papers because the judge will order it anyway.

NEVER EVER sign ANYTHING that adds additional burdens that are not required.  They're only enforceable if you willfully agree to them.  Don't.  You make that decision of your own accord later.

CS should end at age 18 or the graduation from high school, whichever is LATER.  I would like to know what state you're in to find out if it's one that doesn't impose their will for divorced parents to pay for college educations.  And even if they do, you should object readily.

Stop talking to her attorney.  It's HER attorney.