EX- Girlfriend called me

[josh1688]

Told me she is pregnant. Have visual confirmation.

She lives in Florida.
I left Florida becuase she assulted me and was put in jail then mental hospital.
She Ignores me now.
Baby is due in early March.
I try to call her and send her messages via social networks. No responce. Just simple things like, "how is the baby doing?"

What steps after Paternity test should I take?

And how do I handle this situation the moral and correct way, if both can be done. I am a responsable man, and I find it interesting how she denies me that responsability.

Thanks,
Josh

[tigger]

I think (and others -- feel free to correct me on this) that you need to check Florida statutes and see if there's a potential father registry (or something like that).  Don't sign anything making you definitively responsible for that baby until paternity tests are complete.  I'm assuming you're looking for custody based on the assault and mental issues?

[Gestalt]

I think (and others -- feel free to correct me on this) that you need to check Florida statutes and see if there's a potential father registry (or something like that).  Don't sign anything making you definitively responsible for that baby until paternity tests are complete.  I'm assuming you're looking for custody based on the assault and mental issues?

I totally agree- I think some states call it a putative fathers registry- if that helps in finding it.

[MomofTwo]

Here is the link to the FL Department of Health. http://www.doh.state.fl.us/planning_eval/vital_statistics/putative.htm (http://www.doh.state.fl.us/planning_eval/vital_statistics/putative.htm)

You will need to hire an attorney in FL.  I know you want to assume the child is yours, but don't.  You have no rights until the baby is born and paternity testing establishes you as the father.

You can offer to help her (financially)  now, but you are not required, nor is she obligated to include you in anything (dr visits, updates, etc..)

You will need to file for paternity testing once the baby is born, and once that confirms you are the father, file for what you will file for.   Her being admitted to a mental institution is not a reason to give you custody and the FL courts will not be likely to relinquish jurisdiction to you since you are out of state.   If the child is yours,  and you want to establish a relationship and fight for shared custody, you may want to consider moving back.

[josh1688]

Okay, thanks for the advice.

I was not aware that a person out of touch with reality could raise a child. She has another daughter already and beats her and swares at her. I would never want my child when confirmed to be raised like that.

I know about the punitive father law.

I also talked to her yesterday and she swares she can raise both children on her own and does not need me.

I plan on moving back as well to hopefully gain fully custudy, Which would involve showing she is incompetent mother. She is paranoid schezphranic, Maniac depressive and has DID aka multiple personality disorder. She tried to commit sucide three times while we were together, once while I was in the car resulting in a crash.

My moral deliemma here now is to either let her try to raise the baby or fight. it's alsmot clear she does not want to repair our relationship. Although I still am giving her the oppurtunity too.

Thanks,
Josh

[ocean]

Do you have police reports from her suicide attempts and any other incident? Do you have proof she was at any mental hospitals or ER for incidents? Gather any of that info now while you have time. You can get copies of police reports from that area if you ask for them.
Call the family court and get the paperwork for paternity testing and custody so you have that ready to go. Find out which hospital she will be using when she is willing to talk to you so you can call when it gets close to see if she is there and if the baby was born.

[MomofTwo]

FL's standard is shared parenting.   Shared parenting in FL does not equate to 50/50.  It is highly unlikely either parent would be granted sole custody. The standard is shared legal custody and shared physical.  Anything other than that, you can be guaranteed a long drawn out expensive battle.   The problem with everything you said (her mental history) is that you knew it and you yet  chose to have sex and bring a baby into this world with her anyway, knowing all of those things.  I am not being mean, but you should have thought about that before you chose to have sex.  FL courts are very funny about that.  Things you knew and ignored tend to not be deciding issues in court, unless she put one of her children in direct harm by her actions.  You would have to show she has had children removed from her, child endangerment records, her being found by a professional to be incompetent to provide and take care of children, your word is not good enough.  They don't take away children due to a mental history alone.   

[Davy]

Josh

Florida, more so than other states, has an absolutely miserable history in matters dealing with children.  Especially for those involved with social services like DCFS.

Caring and nuturing parents (ie fathers and mothers) and others have been successful for children by presenting the facts to responsible authorities.  I encourage you do the same by focusing your efforts on the child, both short and long term.  You may consider letting go of any emotion you may have for the mother.

There may be those making disparaging remarks defining various social policies (or what they want those social policies to be).  Fathers have heard those things for years so learn to deal and combat it.

[josh1688]

Thanks for the advice everyone to clear some things up.

I have police reports and eywittness testimony of her beating her child as well as me.
She also lied to me about her disorders until after the fact. i did not know of these problems and would of not even dated her HAD I!!! would never wish someone that curse!!!

I have been threw nothing but hell with her. That Is why I moved to get away from her and her psycosis, voices, dillusions, panic attacks, and manipulation.


I had no knowledge until I pressed on about why she acted strange, this was already after she was pregnant and fell in love with her front.

[ocean]

Has her other child/ren ever been taken away from her? CPS ever called? Do you have proof of her diagnosis?
The police reports are good but one piece. You need to prove she is an unfit mother and if she has other kids in the home not being taken away...well... You have a hard case to prove but you can go for 50/50 custody once you know she is the father...

Make sure you are the father first....she has mental illness and this child may not even be yours. Take parenting classes and infant cpr classes (cant hurt if you do it early...). This way you can prove you can take care of an infant. IFFFFFFF you are the father, then have all the baby things and apartment that can accomodate baby stuff. Baby proof house. If you go to a full custody trial then you can ask for pych report be done on both parties and see if that turns anything up. Do you know the other kids father or family? Can you get recent info from them?