BM is late picking up child

[CuriousMom]

My CO states that if either parent is 20 minutes late and does not contact the other parent within this 20 minutes to notify of the late exchange, parent then having custody is entitled to keep child until next scheduled exchange.

[MixedBag]

I'm not sure I'd say anythiing at all...

Then when she is late -- did I catch that you do exchanges at the police department?

Go to the desk and let them know what's up -- and get the person's NAME.

Then call Mom and let her know where she can pick up the child at any time from there on out.

If it's more inconvenient to mom....because you're going elsewhere, fine...so what.  You documented and were at the exchange.

Amber alert???  I'm leaning on the side that it won't happen because DAD will have notified the police that the child isn't kidnapped or anything right up front....just that Mom is late, and that he's not waiting for Mom anymore.

Call mom -- she'll have your cell anyways, right?  And make alternate arrangements when she is late.

And you'll have a witness with you to testify/document that you had no intention of kidnapping the child -- because you don't -- and I doubt MOM will do much besides rant and rave.....and make your cell phone ring off the hook.

[ocean]

Yeah...You need to tell the local police what you are doing and when/where the child will be for pick-up. If not, the mother will go to police and say you are keeping them from her. A letter does not give you the right to keep they a few days...maybe a few hours until mom can get there. When you get to court this needs to be addressed since this is a big issue with her. Maybe if you have those extra days, you can file a few modifications and maybe a contempt if she is not following the order this visit.

[bloom6372]

When you are in Court, see if you can get put into your parenting plan that ANY time you are in the state of Texas, you are to have the child, as long as you give the mother advance notice (probably putting a time frame, like 7 days, would be best). DH has this in his CO for the state SD lives in (though there's no time frame for notification). BM CANNOT deny him any extra parenting time during his trips to SD's state, and he doesn't have to stay in SD's city, either. As long as he's in the state. It's a good idea for custody between two states.

I have to agree that going in to the police station would be best. Maybe, if it's not too much trouble, type something up beforehand that has blanks for the exchange time, and the time that you showed up and have an officer sign it. Have the same thing for when you leave. That way, it shows how long you waited. Informing the police of contact information for you and your child, and that you are leaving after waiting # of minutes after exchange time, will help make sure that you aren't charged with kidnapping. However, I do have to say that I don't think you can keep her for a few extra days because the mom is late. Maybe a few hours (maybe overnight if the exchange is near bedtime for the child).

[Davy]

This parent (and her family) are likely candidates to continue to be neglectful and disrespectful to the child and the other parent until a judiciary seriously removes her thunder.  Needless to say she causes a great burden to all she comes in contact with. (ie daycare, parenting time exchanges, law enforcement ... ) and she has refused compliance with court orders as well. 

Law Enforcement has a dislike for monitoring or babysitting custody exchanges.  Large communities may monitor the station with cameras and in a smaller community dispatch will have to free up a patrol car and travel back to the station.  The public does not want to add officers or incurr additional expenses for such BS.  Officers may want to arrest someone ( $$ ) for something and it is usually a male. 

Whatever the situation, this behavior by the wrongful parent is a detriment to the child.

Compare this situation to picking up the the child from a return flight at the airport (as it should be).

I hope the father follows the court order to the "T" but if the mother does not comply (again) then to continue caring for the child.  There's absolutley no need to broadcast your intentions in advance or jump through hoops contacting the other parent by phone when she is out of compliance.  The father is fully capable of parenting the child and their is no need to parent the other parent.  Her neglectful and disrespectful behavior will come thru loud and clear even to the most casual of observers.

BTW, Amber alerts originated in north Tx and are taken very seriously. This situation does not even come close to meeting the criteria (unless someone has political connections).  Just answer the phone if/when authorities call.

[ocean]

If she went into the police station all upset and said I dont know where he is with her, he doesnt live in the state, and I dont know his number...he would be in hot water. We were just telling him to tell police his number and location and that mother did not show up. Otherwise, BM would make this into a full circus and not what the child needs to see.

[Davy]

Come on in ... the water 's fine.

Law enforcement (LE) will likely be aware that Dad and child have been hangin in there WAITING for the exchange.  There's no need to tell them the obvious and if there's any communication with LE it would be best for them to know she has his cell phone number or otherwise know how to contact him.  LE does not want his phone number or to be burdened in contacting him.

One thing is for sure ... LE knows the child is safe and being cared for by the Dad.  There is a very good chance LE knows and others may soon come to know which parent is creating the turmoil and is trying to suck or manipulate everybody into her circus or reacting to her.

There's a good reason the exhanges are at the police station to begin with.

[ocean]

The exchange is down the road from mother house not at police station. We all told him to get the changed but I dont think it happened yet.

[Davy]

The exchanges take place at the police station down the road from the mother's house .... according to NYParent's post.

I adamantly disagree with involving LE in domestic situations and consider that very poor advice.  For example, it is much better to retain a respected para professional unbiased third party (ie off duty officer) to monitor/record/report (via affidavitt).  Hope you get the idea. 

Mommy dearest may be on her best behavior at a police station and the whole idea (particularly in this interstate matter) is to reveal her true demeanor.

Let's play "What IF".  What if LE were requested to monitor 50 exchanges on Friday and Sunday evenings    

[NYParent]

UPDATE:  Well I am happy to say that I just came back from spending a wonderful 10 days with my DD.  It was great to see her and spend some time with her.  She is amazing!  All my other visits have been 2 days, so this is he longest I have spent with her since her mom took her to TX.

Here's how it went.  I picked up DD at the police station.  At that time I attempted to hand deliver drop off information to mom (stating that she should be there promptly on time otherwise I would not be available for another exchange until XX date).  BM refused to take the letter.  I mailed it overnight to her which because of the holidays she got on the date of the drop-off. 

Date of drop off came, I was at the police station at the court ordered time, of course no BM.  I waited 40 minutes.  Spoke to police officer explained the situation.  He DID NOT want to give me an actual report.  Only gave me a sheet of paper which showed that he logged into his system that I was making a complaint about BM not being there on time.  Sent BM a text saying it's XX time I am leaving as stated in my letter I will be available to child return again on XX date.

Two days later (morning time) I get calls from various people in my family stating that BM is going crazy calling them saying that I kidnapped DD and that the police was going to arrest me.  Not ONE single call from her or text message directly to me.  I kept my cell phone on the entire time in the event she called.  As soon as I got off the phone with them I called BM, she did not pick up the call.  Sent her a text message at around 8:30 am stating that she has received all the info and that she should stop harassing my family.  Stated that if she wanted to pick up DD before I was able to meet within her area, she was welcome to do so at XX time at XX police station (5 hour drive for her).  Wrote a letter and sent it to her overnight giving her all the information of which police station she could pick DD up at if she chose to and reiterating the fact that if she did not have DD on the court ordered return was because she didn't show up for pick-up or contacted me to state that she was going to be late and to wait for her.  Sent it to her at about 1PM.

At 4 PM I am driving and missed a call.  Number I wasn't familiar with.  Listen to the voicemail and it was a police officer stating that BM was at the station and that I should call back within the next minutes to avoid having charges pressed against me and the issuance of an arrest warrant for child kidnapping.  Called him back.  We went back and forth for about 30 minutes.  I stated he had no right not threaten me with an arrest and that I did not kidnap the child as I was still in TX (he was saying that I was in NY).  Told him that BM was giving information on where she could pick up child.....he started yelling at me saying that I was being unfair about expecting BM to drive 10 hours round-trip to pick up DD and that I was not meeting her half way.  I reminded him that I came from NY, so I was meeting her more than half way.  Told him she had her options and she or he could call me back when they made their choice and hung up.  He then called me back with a different attitude, now he was friendly and on my side saying that he understood my situation, but that BM was really upset and crying and he's just trying to help and that he was out of line by threating to arrest me when I hadn't broken any laws.....that all BM wanted was to have DD before New Year's since she missed X-mas with her.....I told him that if she wanted her so bad then she shouldn't have a problem picking her up, told him once again that he should only call me back once she has made the decision (hung up on him again).  He called me back 10 minutes later stating that BM agreed to pick child up on the date I was available to drop DD off by her station.

This gave me an extra 4 days with DD   Dropped her off at the date agreed.  BM was an hour early and there with her family.  Everyone really upset and unfriendly (which personally doesn't matter to me).  Said my goodbyes to DD (she cried and didn't want to let go of me, of course that doesn't mean anything to BM).

Now I just get stuff from the courts that she filed about me kidnapping the child and stating that the location of where the child was was being concealed from her.  My attorney said that because the child was return the judge wasn't going to do anything.  Of course the funny thing is she filed all this stuff the day AFTER speaking to the police office and her agreeing to XX date for drop off.  They asked for an emergency hearing regarding this which is scheduled for this week and to start the hearing on the modification.  My attorney is going to ask for a continuance since I am not able to fly to TX in such sort notice especially when I was JUST there.  I'll update the outcome later.