What is a significant change?

[jgaff78]

I can't seem to find the documents today, but I believe the guidelines for warranting a change in custody state that there must be a significant change in circumstances and the move must significantly improve the child's well-being . . . so what exactly is a significant change in circumstances?

The current custody arrangement was established when BM and my husband divorced about 6 years ago. SD was only 2 and so BM got custody due to SD's age and the work schedule of my husband at the time. Neither parent had a lawyer for the divorce proceeding and my husband thought BM had to be given full custody due to the distance (she moved back to her mother's home in another state before the divorce was filed) and so he did not push for joint custody. He has taken advantage of every visitation period since the divorce and we petitioned to have visitation increased last year. The judge granted the increased visitation schedule despite BM's arguments that it would greatly inconvenience her to arrange travel for SD that often. SD now comes to our home for every spring break, the entire summer vacation every summer, 5 days at Thanksgiving, and the entire Christmas break every other year (SD comes from 12/26 to the end of Christmas break on the other years). BM has been complaining that she does not get to see SD enough and her family is missing out on holidays with SD because she is always with us for every major holiday. BM has been asking for us to allow her to keep SD for spring break this year and that we stop taking our Thanksgiving visits on the years when we get her for the entire Christmas vacation. However, BM is required to work on Thanksgiving every year so she would not be spending the holiday with SD anyway. That is why the judge ordered that we get every Thanksgiving in the first place.

We would like, at the very least, to have the custody order changed to joint custody but we do think it would be in SD's best interest if we were granted full custody. BM has not been providing a stable environment for SD. She moves at least once per year with very little planning or thought put into the moves. For the last two years she has lived with "friends" and has not had her name on the lease. Last year she lived with a woman who had two children. This woman watched SD very often while BM was at work or out at "dart club" (we still don't know what "dart club" is, SD told us BM went every Monday and left her with the other woman). SD reported to us that this woman would take the kids over to her boyfriend's home and drink beer then drive them home. SD said BM had argued with the woman about drinking and driving but of course BM never mentioned any of this to us. In November, BM suddenly announced that she would be moving because the lease was up on that house (the other woman's lease) and she wasn't going to stay in that "dump" another year. Basically I think the other woman either moved when her lease was up or threw BM out because they were not getting along. Now BM has moved in with a newly married couple, their three children, and the children's aunt. SD is required to share a room with the three kids, an 11 year old girl, a 3 year old girl, and a boy who is the same age as SD and in her grade at school. We feel that it is not a good idea for SD to share a room with a boy of this age whom she is not even related to. SD is not even allowed to keep her belongings in the bedroom and is forced to store everything in BM's bedroom. SD has no privacy and does not feel like she has any space of her own. Essentially she is a guest in someone else's home. 

BM has also not been providing basic care to SD as she should. Every time SD comes for a visit she is in desperate need of a haircut with her bangs hanging over her eyes but BM has her nails professionally manicured. We asked BM several times this year to make sure SD got both the seasonal and H1N1 flu shots due to the amount of traveling she would be doing, but BM never followed through. We even sent her information about a free H1N1 flu shot clinic near her and she still would not take SD. SD has yet to see a dentist even though she complains of sensitive teeth. BM also told us she was going to have SD get allergy tests because she breaks out in a rash occasionally and we can't figure out what is causing it, but that has not been scheduled either (the allergy tests are important because both parents have significant food and drug allergies). BM claims that she cannot afford the co-pays for the dentist (around $20 per visit) and that she can't get a doctor's appointment because she doesn't have a car to get there. But yet she is able to get to the nail salon and she could buy the pet bird a huge new cage. She receives plenty of child support to pay for SD's expenses and we cover SD under our medical insurance so we know the co-pays are reasonable. There simply is no excuse other than laziness and neglect for not taking care of SD's medical and dental needs.


SD has been moved to three different schools since kindergarten and she is only in 2nd grade. BM moved while SD was in kindergarten but let her finish out the last couple months of the school year at the same school. SD started first grade at a second school but BM moved two months into the school year and forced SD to move back to the first school. SD finished first grade at that school and started 2nd grade at that school this year, but BM moved in November and forced SD to move to another new school. BM never gives us advance notice of these moves and we are not able to object to the move because SD has already moved and been enrolled in a new school before we receive the information.  BM never checks what school district the new home is in before making the decision to move. She does not take SD's needs into consideration when making a move.

For the past 2 1/2 years, we have lived in the same apartment in our town. We moved this winter to another apartment a few blocks away. This apartment is owned by the same landlord and he offered it to us because it is bigger than our old apartment and allows SD to have her own room with plenty of space for her things. There was also a small fire at the old apartment and we (along with the landlord) are almost certain that it was caused by the downstairs neighbor. The landlord cannot legally evict that neighbor without proof he started the fire so he asked us if we wanted to move to another apartment since he knew we did not feel safe there. We plan on staying in this apartment for another two years until we buy our own home.

My husband has a good, stable job where he has worked for 5 years. I am back in school completing my degree to become a social worker (which will be completed in another 1 1/2 to 2 years). Before I went back to school, I worked at a local factory for 2 years before it shut down. BM works from home as a telemarketer. This is the first job she has kept for more than a few months since the divorce. If the family she is currently living with wants her to move out, she could potentially lose her job because she will not have the phone and internet connection she needs.

There are a few other issues that cause us concern and make us feel that SD would be better off living with us. SD also has made comments to indicate that she wants to live here instead of with BM but she will not come right out and tell BM (and we would not expect her to). But I was just wondering whether any of this would constitute a significant impact to warrant a change in custody. I know custody battles are long and stressful, for the parents and the children, so we don't want to put SD through that unless there is a good chance something will change.

[4honor]

A "significant change of circumstances" of the child or the other/"non-moving" parent can seem kind of vague. You can usually consider something meeting the threshhold if there is a significant, measureable detriment to the child as a result of the change.. if the constant moves are negatively impacting the child's grades or attendance it might reach the threshold. For instance she used to be an A student and is now barely passing. (significant, measureable detriment).

If the living in the same room with a non-relative peer of the opposite sex has effected the child's sense of safety or identity, then it might reach the threshold. But the burden of proof is on the moving party (you guys).

Whatever you decide to do, you have to have reliable evidence which is relative to the case, AND that the judge will allow. All I can tell you is Document, Document, Document and don't let a visible pattern go on too long, or your documentation becomes just a form of voyeurism.