father wants physical custody

[bcrick]

I am the father of an 11 week old baby girl. I am 18, ex is 17. Paternity has been legally established, via court ordered DNA test.

We were only together for a month when we found out she was pregnant. (I know "STUPID". Believe me.....my mom tells me all the time.) We broke up about a month after we found out she was pregnant. (she cheated, and admitted it)

I did go to her initial doctor visit with her. For the first 2 doctor visits after we split, my mother took her because she would get hysterical when I was around because she wanted us to get back together. I was at the rest of her visits until the second visit of her 7th month. Up until then, neither of her parents had been to any of the doctor visits (she was only 16 at the time). They signed a piece of paper giving my mom the right to make medical decisions for her.

When I brought up visitation at this time, she cut off all contact with myself and my mom. (her and my mom had a close relationship until this) She checked into the hospital confidentially when she went into labor, and I only found out the baby was born by accident.

I have a lawyer, and we've filed for custody and visitation. Hearing is on 1/28 I'm just wondering if the emotional health of the mother, and the support (or lack of it) that she has from her parents will be taken into consideration.

The issues: She was supposedly kicked out of her dad's house (he lived with his girlfriend), so her mom brought her to my house and asked my mom if she could stay at our house because she didn't have room for her. Her mom lives in a one bedroom house with her boyfriend and her boyfriend's son. Since my mom already knew there was a chance she was pregnant, she said yes.

She and the baby are living with her mom now, so there are 5 people living in this one bedroom house. When I was in this house it was filthy. We've requested that the baby's GAL make an unannounced visit. Don't know that he will though. And I realize that dirt can be cleaned up.....

She has cut herself (don't know if she still does). She has the word "HATE" scarred on her inner arm, and multiple scars on her hands and legs.

My mom spoke to her guidance counselor at school several times trying to get her into therapy. Her guidance counselor actually recommended to her parents that she go to a home for pregnant teens rather than stay with either of of them. (we are going to subpeona her) When my mom did find therapy for her, she went to one visit, and then because it was in a different city, her dad didn't want to take her and he actually told my mom "if they wanna talk to her, they can come to her".

My mom has multiple text messages saved and printed saying that they have no food, that they have no money to get food, that she needs me to come get her because she's afraid her mom's bf might hit her, asking my mom if she wants the baby after she's born because she doesn't want to live. That her mom doesn't want her to go to counseling because it's a waste of time because she would be ok if I would get back with her.

When she cheated on me, she initially claimed it was rape. Then she said it wasn't. Then when I broke up with her, she said it was again. Her dad finally took her to the police station but told my mom that he didn't think it was rape. We (my parents and I) talked to the detective and she told us that when ex reported the rape that her dad just dropped her off at the police station. (keep in mind she's only 16) The detective was never able to speak with either of her parents.... They wouldn't return her calls. Not sure if we are going to subpeona the detective. I'm not sure what she could actually attest to.

I live at home with my parents and my brother. The baby's crib is set up in my bedroom. I work full-time for my dad. I'm kinda worried about the fact that I work, because she doesn't so she would be able to be with baby during the day. But I have daycare available; my grandmother......

I know you don't have a crystal ball. Just wondering if the seniors think the baby's GAL and the judge will consider these things. My lawyer told me that on paper in Virginia, ex and I are considered equal, but that it's just a given that mother's are given priority....

Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any input!

[bloom6372]

All you can do is do what you are doing--DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Keep logs of how often you have the baby or visit the baby, when you call the mother (if possible, use only email communication so you can show it to the Court), etc. Also, be prepared to explain the pros and cons of both homes. And try to come up with a document showing what you want exactly as far as custody/visitation/child support are concerned (even if there is no child support in your proposal, put that the mother will be responsible for $0 child support a month). That way, your lawyer, her lawyer, and the judge can all review what you'd like.

By the way, the fact that you work won't be used against you. It allows you to provide for your child. And the fact that you have childcare lined up is a plus, as well, even if it is just family. You have a large support system and an income, something she doesn't have.

Good luck!