Can some one please respond to this my time is very limited!?? Please Help

[thelionsden1]

I am a 27 year old father who lives in Montana and I have a little girl who i haven't seen in a  over a year because the mother is crazy. She is diagnosed with manic depression and more mental issues and has been in the hospital on repeated suicide attempts and is on heavy depression medicine. She has been in and out of counseling her whole life and so have a number of her 4 sisters. . There was a lot of the ex boyfriend stuff going on even while she was pregnant and I was paying for everything at my home and taking care of her from day 1 until my daughter was 3 months old. She left Montana all of a sudden one day while I was gone and moved to California. She took money, everything that friends and family had given for the child and just up and left. She did not tell me where or anything for quite a while. Yesterday, a year and a half later she flew to Montana and told me she wanted to meet up so I could see my daughter. We spent 1 hour at McDonald's and now she will not even let me have her for the few days she will be here because she says I didn't tell her about my job or where I live and that she doesn't know my girlfriend. Its all a game. There is absolutely no reason to keep her from me. I am not abusive or anything like that. I'm a very calm, collective person and have been helping raise another little girl for over a year thankfully with a woman who loves me and we have a very stable environment at home! She is up here prying info from people about my job and my life. I do not trust her at all. She is very into trying to mess with my mind and make me fight with her and that is not how I operate. When I saw her she said that she has full custody as of right now and I'm not sure if thats possible my name is on the birth certificate and I have never ever agreed to that. Is she kidnapping? Is this legal at all? What can I do? I cant get her to let me see her now because she is saying she thinks I wont give her back which I honestly think about. Please Help......

[ocean]

Is she staying in Montana now or just visiting?
If she lives in other state for over a year then her home state will deal with custody. You could try and do it from your home state. When she left the first time you could of stopped her but I dont think you can file now after a year. It is a long process. First you are going to have to go to family court and get a paternity test to prove you are the father and then ask for joint custody and a parenting plan to be put into place. Be prepared for the child support papers to follow. Do not give her any money until a court tells you to. It will be considered a gift so save some money in an account because you may be hit with back child support. Call your local family court and see if they will take the case with her living out of state. They will probably tell you that you have to file in her home state family court.

[thelionsden1]

Hi Ocean thank you sommuch for your response to someone else's problem. They are just visiting for four days, she has a sister up here. The child was born here and I took care of the both of them for about 15 months to the fullest of my ability which was pretty good. She is refusing to let me have her at all for the few days she is here cause she says she doesn't know me and my girlfriend. We are very good people in my opinion and have prepared and are more than capable of taking care of her. Is it possible for her to have full custody at this point cause that is what she claims. If I did happen to get her for the 3 days would I be in trouble for not giving her back? I'm having a really tough time with letting her go again now that i may be able to get her. I don't see how she can just get away with taking off and refusing my little girl to me like this. Don't I have the right to keep her here. SO CONFUSED......

[ocean]

You are going to have to fight this in court. Since you were not married you have to prove you are the father first. Even if you are on the birth certificate, most courts will make you prove paternity and then go from there. Most states have the forms online. Look up her home state family court website (look under her area/county). You may be able to print out the paternity and custody papers. Look at this site for parenting plans you can do since this will be a long distance plan. Honestly, you wont get full custody unless you prove neglect on the mother. You can get joint custody with child living with mother but you still have rights to medical and educational decisions plus your parenting plan. Once a plan is made it is very hard to change so think ahead of what you may want. She moved so you can get the courts to pay for travel to you or give you a break on child support for travel.

When coming up with parenting plan, remember to put in there what happens when child is school age...come to you on all school long breaks and summer visits. Holdiays? Birthday's? Fathers day? If she is in your home state? If you go to her home state?

Try and call a local lawyer by you and see if there is a way to keep this case in YOUR home state. Usually the case is where the child is if they have been there for longer than 6 months. Worth the phone call...They may be able to do it since she hid child from you in another state....

[phil]

Ocean gave you good advice.  One thing that needs to be emphasized, legally, you have zero rights to keep that child.  If you do that, you could be in serious legal trouble and could very much hurt your any chance of custody you would get.  You have to do it the right way.  File in their homestate to estabilsh paternity and your custodial rights.  Do NOT do what you are considering. 

[thelionsden1]

Thanks for your answers and bieng so quick to respond this is absolutely a great website. 

This has to be the most frustrating situation I have ever gone through! I just can't understand how she can just up and leave like that and I have zero rights all of a sudden. When she tells me that she has full custody at this point is that even possible?

[Davy]

File for temporary custody in Montana.  Once paternity is determined, necessary in either state,  Montana is the HOME state with jurisdiction over all parties for all issues.  Once you file ... failure to file within 6 months....DOES NOT defeat Montana home state jurisdiction which has been  maintained since one parent has remained in the state..   

The state and federal laws governing cases like your child's situation are designed to PROTECT the child(ren).  Your child has been kidnapped and you should obtain favorable rulings without even considering the other parent's obnoxious behavior.   

This is a frequent issue posted on this site and I have no idea why other posters continue to provide advice to condone the snatching and exploitation of children.   

Best to you and your child.

[ocean]

Davy- We have gone through the system and another poster just "lost" in his state due to the children being in another state. It is not right but many many times the judges in the other state pass it off to where the children are.

Yes, she has custody under the law since they were never married and he has not established he is the father through the courts. I told him to try and see if his family court will take the case or if a lawyer would even take it knowing that the child has not been in the state for over a year. He needs to find out if she did get custody in her home state. She may have filed paperwork in her home state already and is coming after him real soon with a child support case....

[Giggles]

Couple of Questions...did you sign an "Acknowledment of Paternity" when the child was born?  If so, do you have a copy of that...most of the time that will waive the need for a "Paternity Establishment" test.

Like the others have stated, you have a long road ahead.  Right now you need to start documenting EVERYTHING.  Do you have documentation on the mothers "illnesses"...documentation such as hospital reports, police reports, etc.

You may have to fight this in Cali and you'll need a good "Father's Rights" attorney.

Most likely if you get at least "Visitation" there will be an adjustment time where you may have to fly to Cali for the visits.  Then until the child is old enough to fly "unaccompanied" you'll have to fly down, pick up the child then fly her back...can be quite expensive.  Now if you do manage to get full custody (I'll be honest...that's a LONG shot), then you'll certainly want "supervised" visitation due to the mental illness.

Good Luck!!

[thelionsden1]

So should I try to file for temporary custody asap while they are here for four days or will that even do anything? I got a call over a year ago from a child support service in CA where they live and I told him to not call my phone anymore because they do not know anything about me or this situation. I changed addresses and phone numbers back then too because that is how crazy this woman is. But yesterday when they got into town I gave her my phone number and she has been contacting people I know trying to find out where I work and live and more personal info about my healthy life that does not include her. She claims she doesn't want money but I feel like that is the whole reason she came here to find out all my info to file child support against me. I know this girl is very mentally unstable but masks it very well these days just like she did to me to get pregnant the first time we were together. There is a lot of her personal history that is extremely crazy that I could possibly prove like suicide attempts that required hospitalization and major counseling and medications and very into masturbation with things like torture pornography or whatever its called. Astounding and degrading I call it.  Weird stuff but I put a program on her computer that runs in the back ground and takes screenshots every five seconds and was absolutely blown away to discover so much. Thanks so much for your responses to this as I am not sure how to go about any of it really and did not have the money when she left but now I am financially stable enough to care for the child as I do for another right now.