Advice Pls?

[Mom0f3]

My SS's BM had visitation EOW from Tues to Sun as agreed in mediation.  However she didn't fill out her paperwork and turn it in to get it in the courts.  Original order says 50/50 custody EOW from Tue to Tue, however for many years they have been doing Sun to Sun and in December the week of Christmas my DH went back to the Sun to Sun at the request of the BM since she didn't sign the papers through mediation.  2010 came along and once again we sent her an offer that we think would be in my SS best interest.  The Sun to Sun visits would stay as is and Holidays would continue as even/odd rather than who has him that day picks am or pm to exchange at 3pm as in the original order.  We also included a stipulation for siblings birthdays, family birthdays, every other year to have SS for his birthday, extended 2 weeks in the summer for vacation reasons, contact and communication, expenses/support/financial planning, healthcare & medical expenses, and basic agreements.  She responded this time stating she agrees the original order which was made when SS was 2, now 10, is "somewhat incomplete and does not allow for his ever changing needs" and feels that it's in SS best interest to follow the original order as closely as they can.  She also states the changes we suggest are in my DH's best interest and does not wish to make changes to the original order.  She says they shall continue the Sun to Sun 7 day exchange and that if there is a non-compliance to the court order one can file a motion for family access for the child to be placed with the other parent.  Basicly, this was a threat towards my DH that if he doesn't follow the original order blah blah.  We know, or should I say I know, the law and what can happen and that is not the only thing.

Anyway we sent her a response to this letter that tells her in order to continue doing the Sun to Sun exchange and sharing holidays even/odd she would need to agree to have that part only modified and made legal within the courts or we will go back to following the original order exact  since she is being difficult and at any minute could say my DH is not allowing her her parenting time with my SS.  I know they have done things not by the order for many years and have also signed agreements that are not binding by the courts, but with her being so dificult this past year do you think it is only right to suggest this be done and we follow through with it.  And when I say follow the original order to a T I mean it.  She would have to come pick him up EOW which she doesn't like to do and have to share holidays every year.  We have tried everything to come to an agreement with her yet she just will not work on fixing things and becomes more and more difficult. 

What and how would you deal with this?

[MixedBag]

let me repeat this back you to.....

she's saying "original order" but Sun/Sun.

Dad's saying "Sun/Sun" but clarify to include that list of stuff.


She's objecting or not agreeing to that list of stuff that gives more detail to the order?

I say keep the documentation that you tried to work this out and if Dad really really feels that this additional clarification is necessary, to avoid future arguments, the file a motion to change and clarify the current parenting plan.




Whenever you write BM about the situation, make sure that Dad won't be embarassed if the Judge reads those letters (major major mistake someone I know made -- not one single degrading word, adjective, nothing, k?).

Then when Dad files, be sure to be able to support that the change is in son's best interest -- mainly in the form of "Mom and Dad won't argue because plan is more detailed and defined, and less tension is better for son."

And then let the process take it's course.

[Mom0f3]

let me repeat this back you to.....

She's objecting or not agreeing to that list of stuff that gives more detail to the order?

Yes, she will not agree to a more detailed parenting plan.  It only causes for them to disagree on just about everything.  If it's not in her favor then it's not right and she throws out open ended threats.  I would say the only thing in this modification that would not have been good for her is that he suggested a lower CS and to claim SS every year on taxes and not every other year.  It doesn't do her any good to claim SS on her taxes because they already have enough to zero out their totals.  But we could really care less about that and continue to go about that without any change all she needed to do was say no change, but no.

let me repeat this back you to.....

I say keep the documentation that you tried to work this out and if Dad really really feels that this additional clarification is necessary, to avoid future arguments, the file a motion to change and clarify the current parenting plan.

Whenever you write BM about the situation, make sure that Dad won't be embarassed if the Judge reads those letters (major major mistake someone I know made -- not one single degrading word, adjective, nothing, k?).

I have all documents to show we tried to work on this issue along with documents about everything else.  I try my best not to be degrading but if there is anything degrading or rude it's a response to her being the same way.  So it wouldn't look good on any of us.

Then when Dad files, be sure to be able to support that the change is in son's best interest -- mainly in the form of "Mom and Dad won't argue because plan is more detailed and defined, and less tension is better for son."

And then let the process take it's course.

About that, I went to the county clerk today and asked for the paperwork to file a motion for modification but the clerk said they don't have anything.  Is there a way you have to ask for this stuff to get it?

[MixedBag]

I doubt that there's going to be a form for a modification as there are tons and tons of things that can be modified.

SO...

Pull out your file and look for a previous motion -- or even a previous order -- and that gives you the header and if it's a motion, the basics as to how to write one up.

Keep it simple, factual, and concise.

get dad to sign via a notorized signature, and then file it and have her served.

And the process begins...

I'm no attorney.....but that's the very basic description of how I got the ball rolling a few times.

[ocean]

In my state there is a modification form for visitation but is that what you are really doing? Sounds like you want to keep the parenting plan the same but add clauses to the order..(still would be the same form here though.... you want specifics so the parents wont interpret the order differently) . Our family court is pretty good and will type if for you as you sit there...it is a few hour process. Can you call your family court and ask them? Or is it online already?

[Mom0f3]

In my state there is a modification form for visitation but is that what you are really doing? Sounds like you want to keep the parenting plan the same but add clauses to the order..(still would be the same form here though.... you want specifics so the parents wont interpret the order differently) . Our family court is pretty good and will type if for you as you sit there...it is a few hour process. Can you call your family court and ask them? Or is it online already?

Yes, we need to also modify the visitation part because what they have been doing is Sun/Sun exchanges and the court order states Tue/Tue and for holidays they have been doing every other year when the court order states whoever has SS they get to pick an a.m. or p.m. visit.  Well this past year after she was reported to dfs she started to become difficult and always saying it's not in the court order or it's her year when there is nothing to back it that it officially legal.  So we are wanting to have a more detailed parenting plan which in the past she agreed to most of it and now she says it's not in SS best interest.

We live in Clay County Missouri and didn't get much help when I went to the court house.

[ocean]

Try this website....
http://www.circuit7.net/pages/offices/familycourt/fc_services.asp

[Mom0f3]

Thank you, both of you.  I have been to that site and saved some forms from it to include.