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[bio mom]

Hello, I live in Washington state. I have two kids with my ex-husband. We have joint custody. Both my kids live with their dad. I have been bullied by him and his wife for 8 years. He is a truck driver so the kids stay with her most of the time. I get visits with them every 2nd and 4th weekend. I never miss a visit and my child support is paid. Yesterday my ex told me that my daughter doesn't like coming over to house anymore ( she is almost 13) the reason they give is she feels like i dont love her anymore. He told me everytime she comes from my house she crys for hours. He asked me if i would give up my parental rights so that his wife can step adopt my kids. I said no way so he said he going to fight me in court about getting my rights taken away. The thing i dont understand is she and I talk, laugh, watch movies together. She seems very happy when she leaves my house. My sons loves coming to mommy's house. When i have extra money i take them places. They make alot more money then me they have a lawyer. I havent recieved any papers yet. What should I do? I also found out the step mom took me off the emergency contact list at my kids school. She is always telling what to do. I am suppose to follow his rules he makes in his house at my house. It feels like we are still married even though we have been divorced for almost 9 years. I have finally grown a backbone and i am standing up to them both please help with any advice. Thank you.

[tigger]

It's next to impossible to have parental rights taken away.  You're not doing anything outrageous and the kids are safe.  Scare tactic. 

Do you have joint legal?  If so, I think (and others can correct me if I'm wrong) you can start taking your daughter to counseling to find out what's at the root of the problem.  It should be for the two of you. 

If you do get papers and land in court, have the judge order counseling.  My ex insisted that our YS was depressed and that I had done nothing about it and had counseling court ordered.  I took him and was vindicated as he wasn't depressed, he was nervous about the custody suit my ex had brought against me and wasn't happy about spending more time at his dad's.  (Notice the wording, AT his dad's.  He would have been happy if being AT his dad's meant he was spending more time WITH his dad but that's not the case.)  I was encouraged by the counselor that I was doing and saying the right things in keeping him from rebelling against his dad and encouraging a relationship even if it wasn't perfect and not how he wanted it to be.  He learned a few coping skills.

[4honor]

IN WA if your support is paid and you have seen the kids every time you have the opportunity, then there is no grounds upon which to even get into court. They would have to meet Threshold for a SIGNIFCANT CHANGE IN CIRCUMSTANCE OF THE CHILDREN OR THE NON+MOVING PARTY (you). A little tantrum on the part of a teen-child on transition from one household to the other is not going to meet the threshold... but watch out for false allegations of abuse cause it is used more and more to "meet" the threshold.

I suggest you buy, beg, or borrow a video camera and video your time with the kids on several occasions. Date and label the tapes or burn the digital files to disk. Keep them for trial if needed and for the sheer joy of the memories.

Rethink this alleged crying when she leaves. Is it because she had a terrible time at your house, or because she doesn't want to leave her mother and sit around waiting for her Dad to come home off the road? I'd bet it is loneliness, which we all know has nothing to do with who is around and everything to do with who ISN'T.

I have had 3 stepmothers 1 Horrendous and 2 quite good. I loved the two good ones. However, even though they were/are better human beings than my own mother, I still don't love them in the same way I loved my Mom. My mom and one of the steps died of cancer. But if my Mom was still alive, I would still chose her (crazy wench that she was) over a "step" any day of the week. I am betting that a tri[p to court will uncover that the child wants to move households and asking you to give up rights is their way of "proving" to her that you really don't love her.

Also, Kids know that there are different rules in different places (home, school, church, the store). Just make it clear that your house, your rules. Keep the kids safe, love them and work out your relationship with each one individually.

[ocean]

Yup, take pictures, date stamp them next visit. Take to park, in house playing a board game. We used pictures of kids happy at our house to deflect the BM telling judge they hate us.

Make appointment with counselor on your time. Start taking daughter.

Go to their school, get copy of that emergency card. Then bring your court order and ask for a meeting with principal. Ask that your name be put back on card with a note for future years that you are to stay in the system. Many schools are computerized now and you can see this info online. If the school gives you any issues, it is federal law that you get info so send them the letter from this site. It is very good and quotes the law.

Talk with your daughter. Ask to take her one day during the week, just her. It is the age...maybe she can ask a friend to come to your house on one of the nights? This is the age they start planning things with friends. Tell her you will bring her to night time things at school if something is going on, invite friends over on one of the nights with you but that you love her and want to continue seeing her. See where the conversation goes...