Grandparents seeking custody

[sebrumett]

My wife and I have guardianship and P.O.A. for our two grandchildren, ages 2 and 4.  Their mom walked out on them and their dad after his return from Iraq, with a divorce following (in Ft Hood area of Texas).  Dad got custody of the kids, but due to physical and emotional isses he asked us to take the kids.  We have had the kids almost two years now, and their mother is now wanting to assert her rights.  We live in Colorado Springs, CO (near Ft Carson) now.  It looks as though the jurisdiction remains in Texas as that is where the divorce took place.  What can we do to get permanent custody of the kids?  The youngest doesn't know his mother, as Grandma is the only mother figure he's known.  Additionally, the 4 year old has been in therapy for almost a year for Reactive Attachment Disorder due to his mother leaving.  Her asserting her rights would undo all of the progress that has been made during the last year.  If we have to enter into a custody fight in Texas, that would be unaffordable and would basically mean the kids go back to their mother.  Please help!

[grammy2]

I would suggest looking into the abandonment laws in your state or the state the custody order was issued.  In some cases a parents rights can be involuntarily terminated if they have done nothing to maintain the relationship with their children AND if they have paid no support for a period of time.  My state (PA) requires 6 months.  Good luck!  Its so unfair to the children...and so wonderful that you are willing to fight to protect them.

[GrandmaOf1]

Sebrummet,

Our situations are similar. We have sole custody of our now 4 1/2 yr old Grandson. Bottom line is he had lousy neglectful parents who often placed him in harms way and ignored his most basic needs. After getting an Attorney we sought an Ex Parte order for temporary custody until our case could be heard. The burdeon of proof was on us to be able to show how this child would be harmed if our son and his wife where allowed to remove him from our care. We did not have to be present. The Judge addressed only the most serious issues and the order was granted. One week later we went to court and the birth parents signed over custody to us.

It sound easy but it wasnt. Again the bureon of proof will be on you to show the care you have provided these children, and how you are the De Facto custodians ( psychological parents). Document everything of importance. Keep photos, a journal, video.....Anything and everything you can to show YOU are caring for these children and NOT the parents.

What really helped our case was that I had kept faithful documentation and reciepts. At the time our GS was on Medicaid. So why did i have reciepts showing i had taken him to well child visits and paid for them? BM would not take him and would not relinquish his Medicaid card. Same with his prescribed allergy med.....ECT. Down to his socks we where able to show we where providing a good 95% of his needs if not more. Also the lack of time they where spending with him. We where the primary custodians as you guys are.

You mentioned a custody battle was not affordable right now. Maybe research mediation? We also did a mediation back in January. The one we used was a sliding scale basis. Grandpa and i both have good incomes and we paid $85 an hour. It brought to light each parties strength and weakness. And was perhaps a wakeup call to the BM. That SHE had chosen to exit this childs life and could not just walk back in. But would have to prove herself capable of caring for him.

I sincerely hope some of this info will help. Hang in there. Its tough. Its not easy. Try your darndest to keep the childrens best interest at heart. Our Dtr in law is now an Ex Dtr in law. I dont know if i can ever get to the point of "liking" her. But i will always be nice to her.Even helpful when i can. Because thats the Grandma I want my GS to see.

Good Luck!
GrammaOf1

[Davy]

I need to be brief but hope to be helpful.  The one dilemma you mentioned concerns TX jurisdiction since that is where the divorce occurred.   For sake of understanding,  child custody jurisdiction is primarily determined by the location of the children with major consideration to the original jurisdictional state along with other factors as to the lenght of time the children have resided in another state, if a parent (or someone acting as a parent) continues to resides in the original state, etc.   

As a practical matter, as responsible and proven care-giving maternal gp's having obtained guardianship (assumming TX) of the children from the primary custodial parent-father (with issues) you should have a HUGE leg up and be encouraged in any custody filing in either TX or CO.

Jurisdiction only becomes an issue if someone (ie parent or judge) CONTESTS the jursidiction.  AND a CO court may ASSUME jurisdiction (statutorally there is a provision for judges of different states to communicate).  Also, TX could be very much to your advantage since there appears (mother lost custody) to be a wealth of detrimental readily available evidence in TX. which may prove costly to be acceptable for presntation in CO.  It is also possible for a TX court to decline jurisdiction on their own motion since it appears a parent approved of their removal from TX vs you abscounding with the children hoping to gain favortism in another state while attempting to break the child(ren) relationship with a left-behind parent.   This case is operating under black and white (very little court discretion) jurisdictional statatory state and federal lawsknown as the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA) and the federal statue Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act (PKPA).   

Your best approach may be to FIND an attorney to file in CO for temporary custody (normally becomes permanent in time) and keep the language NON-Adverserial.  basically continue to focus on the children since, as GP's, you're in the best position to protect the children, meeting and providing their needs (ie living arrangement, medical, etc) and particularly encouraging and facilitating a relationship with both parents.   

Just FYI; I was a single parent (primary custodial defacto) to two sons in the 80's and first had to argue jurisdictional issues.  Years later, daughter (and counselors) were trying to keep her mother from taking her kids and wanted me to take custody.  She and I always got along.  I graciously told her the two kids wanted her to raise them (age about 12-14)and to get her chit together (facing possible jail time) but that I would care for her kids as a helping hand temporarily.  I emphazised that SHE was going to raise her kids.

[sebrumett]

As an update to this topic, my wife and I met with our attorney in Colorado, and since jurisdiction remains with Texas (the state in which the divorce was granted, and since the grandchildren's mother still resides there) there is nothing that can be done in Colorado.  We subsequently traveled to Texas and met with an attorney in the county where the divorce took place.  Sadly, although we could spend upwards of $10,000.00 to fight for custody in the Texas Court system, grandparents really have no rights or consideration in Texas (other than the typical grandparent's visitation rights).

It is truly a sad thing that both parents can walk away from their kids because being a parent isn't compatible with the carefree, partying lifestyle they want, leaving the grandparents (or other responsible family members) to be responsible for all of the needs of the children, and then be allowed to waltz back into the picture after all of the partying is done, expecting to resume the role of parent, regardless of how it will effect the children.

It seems like there needs to be some serious changes made to family law across the board.

Thank you to those that offered their input regarding this situation.

[tigger]

So has the mom filed anything or has she just contacted you guys?  No need to roll over and play dead if all she is so far is all talk.