Alittle help here please

[tigerfan322]

Well where do I begin.  My ex wife and I share joint custody of my son, and she is currently the one with the domicary parent status.  I am currently engaged to a woman with 2 other children.  My ex wife, who now has a child by another man, and I am fighting with her over custody for my son.  The situation is like this: Dec of 2004 she got into a cocain enduced car wreck.  She then agreed that I would take Christian for awhile.  He has lived with me ever since.  Now she wants to try to take him back.  We live in a nice house, she lives in a goverment housing complex.  Here he has his own room, there she makes him share a room with his 2 1/2 yr old sister.  Anyway she does not have his best interests in mind, she does things to neglect him because she is lazy.  She will get into fights with her boyfriend in front of the children, she has missed most of the major events in his life the last year....blah blah, I am sure you have heard this all before.  My fiance is getting agrivated and with her still having I guess my question is this "What can I do, and what is the best way to do it?"

Hurting inside

[janM]

If she hasn't filed anything yet, you need to file for custody on the basis of status quo - the child has been there over a year. How old is the child?
If he's in school, you'll need documentation from teachers that you have been the caretaker (also if you've taken him to doctor visits).

The other stuff isn't really important unless there are police reports about domestic violence in her home. Try to find out if either of them has a police record. The bedroom thing could be considered, but depending on age might not be. Any neglect you would need real proof of, and since he's been with you this long, she hasn't been neglecting him.

You can probably start off by filing at the courthouse and then get an attorney (family law is best).

Read all the articles here and good luck.

[tigerfan322]

Well my son is 8, and her daughter is 2, she also will let him stay home from school all the time saying that he is sick.  Yet he never goes to the doctor.  I am going to pull the school records and doctor to compare.  Also any advise on how to proceed would be appreciated

[Sunshine1]

Are there any court orders regarding custody arrangements?  Why does she have him at the present time?  If there are no orders, go and get him and keep him and on the same day file a motion with the court for Primary physical custody.

Second, a male child and female child can NOT share a room unless they are toddlers I guess, but when they hit the school age levels they can no longer share a room.  So you can use that in your motion too, no "appropriate sleeping arrangements" for the child are available, he shares a room with his sister.

Third, you need to DOCUMENT EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN!  Keep lots of documentation of what you do with him, get records for doctor visits, because doctors usually say in their notes or start off their notes with "Child accompanied by father" or whoever brought him in..(usually) So there is some more proof for the courts that you are the active parent.  Get school records for his absences then you can say while in "her care" son missed 27 days of school in the first quarter, after living with me he has missed zero...get it?

Get him in some activities, boy scouts, or basketball, something anything that you can be involved in and people see that you are the active parent.

Read all the articles on this site frontwards, backwards and inside out, get educated and fast.

Start here:  http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/articles.php

Read EVERYTHING, and use SOC's page for legal questions.  This should head you off in the right direction.

Good Luck, keep us updated and for heavens sake come here to vent!  :)

[CustodyIQ]

If it's a matter of public record that she was on cocaine when she had the car accident, it would be reasonable to request regular drug testing for her.

Not legal, but personal advice, is to have a heart-to-heart with your fiance about your situation.

Your fiance should be prepared to deal with your ex for the next 10 years.  If your fiance doesn't want that life, you should not be getting married.  The stress will be too great, and it's likely the marriage wouldn't last.

So, fiance really needs to think about the whole package that you come with (i.e., including nutty ex), and she needs to make a decision if it's a package that she can completely accept into her life.

If she accepts the whole package, then it wouldn't be fair of her to constantly put pressure and stress on you via complaints about the ex.