More questions...

[Simplydad]

rhelle.....Have your husband print a copy of the divorce decree and keep it with him at all times.  He should have one in the glove compartment of his car just as he would his insurance card.  I know in many counties you can call ahead and have a sherrif or constable present when you attempt to pick up the children. I can't remember what it is called but hopefully someone here can help with that.

Also keep in mind that the county where the divorce was made final maintains jurisdiction so if she moved to Utah she will have to go to your location for all of the hearings on the divorce and custody.  Your divorce decree is a binding legal order that is must be followed at all times and it does not matter where your husband's ex lives.  Just to get another court to take it over would require a motion to change the venue.

[Kitty C.]

'I know in many counties you can call ahead and have a sherrif or constable present when you attempt to pick up the children.'

It's called a civil stand-by..........some LE agencies are more willing to do this than others.

[MixedBag]

Understand the "catch" for police officers is that they don't know IF they are looking at the most recent order.  Either side could pull out an "old" or older version and claim that its the most recent.

BUT their presence should assure calm and peace.

[rhelle]

We did not force the Spring Break issue because his daughter was so excited, and she should have been; she got a lead role. It's very hard to break the heart of a 9 year old. However, if the ex had NOT scheduled these activities, we wouldn't have been in the position of having to do that.

As for summer break.  His visitation time now stands at 42 days. She has stated she'd "allow" him an extra week if we agreed to release the children early. She informed him he can only have 30 days, plus the week she's graciously granting him as she screwed him out of Spring Break. She will "give" him 37 days, if he agrees to her timing. If not, she states he can only have 30.

As of yesterday, she agreed to go to mediation, but with the following caveats, of course:

1) We pay for everything
2) I am not allowed to be in the room

Each step of the way, there's always a caveat. One MORE thing she believes we HAVE to do in order to please her.  She has already started trying to "sway" the mediator, by informing the mediator that she's TRIED to talk to H, but *I* won't let him. Which, a) isn't true, and b) even when we requested that she stop harassing him, she completely ignored the request and continued to email him anyway.

Unless our mediator is familiar with persons having personality disorders, I don't really see anything changing.

Sigh.

[rhelle]

Simplydad,

She has filed the divorce decree in Utah. Our understanding is jurisdiction is held where the children live. We moved to AR. in December, equidistant to her place of residence from the original state. However, this apparently now removes jurisdiction from the divorce state to her resident state.

I don't know. I've never been through any of this and I don't DO crazy people.
LOL

[rhelle]

ocean,

The divorce decree states each parent is responsible for one way transportation. He picks them up at the beginning of his visitation time, she picks them up at the end of his visitation time.

[Simplydad]

We did not force the Spring Break issue because his daughter was so excited, and she should have been; she got a lead role. It's very hard to break the heart of a 9 year old. However, if the ex had NOT scheduled these activities, we wouldn't have been in the position of having to do that.

This is where it could get difficult.  While I do agree that it is hard to disappoint a 9 year old child these things will have to stop.  I think time with her father should take precedence above all things.   His ex will continually do these things until he stops them.  If it was me I would sit my kids down at my next visitation and let them know how much I love them and then explain to them that my time with them is important.  That I cannot allow their mother to repeatedly schedule things during my time.  Let them know that next time I will have say no in the matter.   

As for summer break.  His visitation time now stands at 42 days. She has stated she'd "allow" him an extra week if we agreed to release the children early. She informed him he can only have 30 days, plus the week she's graciously granting him as she screwed him out of Spring Break. She will "give" him 37 days, if he agrees to her timing. If not, she states he can only have 30.

She has no say in the matter. All she is doing is stating words.  Your husband picks his children up and take them back 42 days later. Absolutely nothing can be done about that.  She can scream and threaten all she want. It is a court order that must be followed in ever jurisdiction.

As of yesterday, she agreed to go to mediation, but with the following caveats, of course:

1) We pay for everything
2) I am not allowed to be in the room 

Why would he agree to mediation? From what I am reading all he is wanting to do is have his visitation as it is ordered in the decree.  You don't need mediation for that and there is absolutely no reason for your husband to agree to mediation. His visitation is already spelled out.

I can't stress this enough....YOUR HUSBAND HAS  FORCEABLE DECREE THAT SPECIFIES VISITATION!!!!!!!!! (sorry for the yelling...lol)

His ex can either follow it or eventually wind up losing custody.  That is what happens when you repeatedly file contempt charges. If I am not mistaken it does not cost to do that. There is a simple form that you fill out and get put on the courts calendar. You don't even need a lawyer for that (though it is good to have one if you can afford it).

Each step of the way, there's always a caveat. One MORE thing she believes we HAVE to do in order to please her.  She has already started trying to "sway" the mediator, by informing the mediator that she's TRIED to talk to H, but *I* won't let him. Which, a) isn't true, and b) even when we requested that she stop harassing him, she completely ignored the request and continued to email him anyway.

Mediation is not binding unless you actually agree to it. You can go to a mediation session and not like what is said and immedietly walk out and say you will allow the judge to decide.   

Do you already have mediation scheduled? If so what exactly is the reason for mediation?   

[Simplydad]

Simplydad,

She has filed the divorce decree in Utah. Our understanding is jurisdiction is held where the children live. We moved to AR. in December, equidistant to her place of residence from the original state. However, this apparently now removes jurisdiction from the divorce state to her resident state.

I don't know. I've never been through any of this and I don't DO crazy people.
LOL

Each county has residency requirements before a divorce could be filed.  If she met the requirments and filed for divorce then it must be held in that court. 

Jurisdiction is maintained by the court that has given the order.  In other words if you live in Arkansas and filed for divorce there then that court maintains jurisdiction over all matters of that divorce as it pertains to custody.  Jurisdiction is not based on where the children lives but where the order was filed.

[rhelle]

LOL. It's okay to yell.

We are trying to follow the divorce decree by going to mediation. It states any disputes shall be settled first by mediation. Our mediator also informed us it was better to try to mediate first, as we would seem less combative that way.  I don't think either of us want the kids involved in a court battle; although, it seems as if we'll end up there anyway.

There are some items in the divorce decree that we'd like changed:

1) the amount of visitation, preferably with specific dates in the decree, so there can be no further dispute
2) instructions regarding perpetual harassing communication
3) the age the children can decide where they'd like to live (it is currently at 16
4) portions stating he has to carry a life insurance policy with her listed as the beneficiary, on top of a life insurance policy for the children. we are fine with providing for the children, but not her.
5) the children being forced to call stepdad "Dad"
6) the children being threatened with punishment upon their return home if they engage in summertime activities with h (as in, building a treehouse)

The list goes on and on and on....

H and I have been debating mediating the issues we want changed, while also filing contempt charges for the decree violations. We worry; however, that if we do file contempt charges there will be absolutely NO negotiation on her part, and she'll cause the children even further pain.

I think we will employ your suggestion regarding telling the children we'll have to say no in future.

[Kitty C.]

Simplydad,

She has filed the divorce decree in Utah. Our understanding is jurisdiction is held where the children live. We moved to AR. in December, equidistant to her place of residence from the original state. However, this apparently now removes jurisdiction from the divorce state to her resident state.

I don't know. I've never been through any of this and I don't DO crazy people.
LOL

Each county has residency requirements before a divorce could be filed.  If she met the requirments and filed for divorce then it must be held in that court. 

Jurisdiction is maintained by the court that has given the order.  In other words if you live in Arkansas and filed for divorce there then that court maintains jurisdiction over all matters of that divorce as it pertains to custody.  Jurisdiction is not based on where the children lives but where the order was filed.

Simplydad, the OP stated 'She has filed the divorce decree in Utah. Our understanding is jurisdiction is held where the children live. We moved to AR. in December, equidistant to her place of residence from the original state. However, this apparently now removes jurisdiction from the divorce state to her resident state.'  To me, that means she has had the original order moved and filed with the state of Utah and all future actions regarding this order has to be addressed in that jurisdiction.  A parent can request to have an order relocated and, depending on the jurisdiction being considered, they may or may not grant it.  Apparently Utah has.........and it is certainly NOT a father-friendly state.