Trying to get primary custody from ex wife

[Kendoll1975]

Quick background, I kept a log on wife's comings and goings for 1 1/2 years from the time my dtr was 1 and the second dtr was on the way. My wife was gambling at casinos, after having lost her money at least 3 times from Commodities Trading. Then I found out about more debts she had incurred which alerted me to check further, then found out that the house had been in foreclosure for 6 months and was scheduled to be auctioned off. Fast forward to now.  She convinced the GAL that her problem was not so bad or long term and that she was done with gambling, went to a family counselor who also believed her (she is very convincing). She now has primary custody and lives in Anacortes; financially I was not able to stay in the area and needed to move in with family in Spokane, have the 2 girls (now 2 and 4 years old) 1 week per month. I am still in touch with some people there who are supportive of me and know she is back to gambling (although she now goes to the casino in Tulallup), and leaves the girls with her now 14 year old son while she is gone. She tells people there that she has a night job, but her car is there at the casino. I hired a PI for 3 days and he verified this information and took pictures (went to the casino around 7, still was not home at 4AM) The half brother is diabetic and the information and pictures from the PI show he does not pay attention to the girls. Also we have been able to verify that her driver's license is suspended from unpaid tickets and have taken pictures of her driving with the kids in the car. I have sent all this information and more to my attorney over there but response is slow I am not sure she has the interest or the time to spend much time on my case. I would like to know if it would be a good idea to have a second lawyer that I can confer with and who is a proven father's right lawyer or if I should try to get more PI information on her or both. I am hoping to get primary custody that allows them to live with me here in Spokane.  I was able to transfer here in my job.

[ocean]

Honestly it will be VERY VERY hard to get full custody of kids that young without a neglect case and child services taking the kids away.
You can use that info, to mandate her to gambling counseling and add more to your court order (like mother must call you first to babysit if she will be away more than 3 hours).

How far away are you to her? (not familiar with your towns sorry...). The closer you are the better to maybe getting JOINT custody. As they get to school age, you really need to be in their school district or close to it to make the Joint custody work.

I think you would need more proof that she is there a lot. She can say, I was there for a weekend for XX birthday...or something like that. You would have to prove that when she has kids that they are constantly being babysat by 14 year old.

Do you ever talk to the 14 year old? 14 is old enough to babysit...call her local police and see if there is a time limit to it...like not the whole weekend but usually it is up to parents discretion on that...

The driver's license, you can call her local police and let them know when she is driving...like after she drops kids to you...and have them pull her over when you have kids in your custody.

[Kendoll1975]

Things have gotten more sticky. The ex wife is making several false statements and has served me with a restraining order. I will contact my lawyer tomorrow, but would really like some information from anyone who has been there.

[ocean]

Do not break that order. Do not call or go near her even if she calls you or asks you to meet. Look on your RO papers. It should have a date to show up for court. Make sure you are there with proof on why you should not have an RO. If you keep it, ask for one way to be in touch to find out about daughter usually they allow email. Also, ask how pick-ups will work now and if you are allowed to call children.

Judges see this all the time but just be very nice and say you will stay away from ex but want to be an involved with your children and want to now how you will see children.

What were her reasons for getting RO?

[Kendoll1975]

Thanks for responses. It is difficult to explain things in this setting and I am trying to keep things brief. I hired a Private Investigator who followed her for 3 days and his report showed her back at the casino 45 minutes away, leaving the 2 little girls overnight with her 14 year old son (who is also diabetic). When I called CPS, they advised me to call police next time I know this is happening since to have her so far away for so long a time frame is concerning.  So next time her (ex wife's) sister called me about seeing her car at the casino, I did that. When my parents and I met the ex at a ferry terminal to return the girls (we were over there for the week end), she accused me of putting a devise on her car (the PI did that and when I told her that, that is how she found out about the PI) and also because my uncle was on the same ferry, she was accusing us of having him follow her. (not true, it was coincidental) I tried to get her to talk to me before getting on the ferry and she portrayed to the ferry person tjat I was trying to keep her from leaving.  She claims that I call her repeatedly late at night, but never call after 8 PM and only so I can talk to the girls, about 1-3 times per week, will keep trying only if she doesn't respond. One time, I called the police because I was worried she had gone to the casino and left the girls alone. I cannot believe anything she says, as she has repeatedly lied and tries to hide her gambling activities (she tells people there that she has a night job). She claims that I want to know everything she does at every minute, which is not true although I was trying to get her to tell me who her boyfriend was because the girls spend time with him and talk about him.
The newest information is that it turns out the RO was served on me before it was signed, so it wasn't yet legal, so now her lawyer is going to take the information to try to change the parenting plan to include things such as only one phone call per week on Sunday evenings, that I am barred from having her followed, that I need to reimburse her the $750 that it cost her to file the paperwork, that I can't call the police, etc. I still don't get much information from my lawyer although I keep sending her information and calling. I have tried to get all my ducks in a row and responding to the accusations, but now wait.