Pictures

[mockingbird]

Hello, I have a little issue. My SS's biomom has recently demanded my fiance to remove pictures of their son from Facebook because he didn't seek her permission. He told her no, he will not remove them, because his family doesn't live nearby and that is a good way for them to keep updated on their son's life. Also, he told her he didn't need her permission to post the pictures.

Apparently, she also is going to call me and my fiance's mother, because we have family pictures up, where he is obviously included (Swimming trips, birthdays, easter egg hunt, Christmas, etc). I have my fiance's permission, and my security credentials set to the max. Should I remove the pictures, or should I leave them up?

I have also have a website where some of our family albums are located, which I don't believe she knows about.

Any suggestions?

[ocean]

Block her ..find her on facebook and block her and make your pictures for friends only so she can not see them.(not friends of friends)

Facebook will allow a parent to take off pictures of their child if they turn in that picture. If she can not see them, she can not turn you in.

[fight4him]

The block feature is your best friend on Facebook. I have a question...if you have your privacy settings to the max, how is she finding out about the pictures? Is there someone on your friend's list that is giving her the info? If so, delete them as well.  If you really block her, she can't even see your name, profile picture, or anything. Even if you comment on someone else's thread, she can't see it. I know this from experience.

[gemini3]

She can't dictate to you what pictures you can put on your facebook.  Just do as the other posters advised and make sure she can't see anything on your FB page. 

You, your fiance, and anyone else she's contacting about this should just put it on "ignore" and don't respond to her about it. 

[2hoosierhearts]

WoW .. Seriously, I'm so baffled and dumbfounded by the acts of bio mom's (not ALL) of which stoop to such low antics such as this .. As if the bio father should just do exactly what bio mom says b/c "SHE SAID SO" .. Most likely, bio mom is jealous of her (their) child's pic being posted on ex's/fiances FB. This obviously is rubbing her the wrong way quite possibly b/c it portrays a "FAMILY" .. 

Perhaps, it's a maturity level of which some just can't reach .. the way I see it .. In regards to "blended" families is that there are just that many MORE persons for the child(children) to have in his/her life .. more persons to love the children, to nurture & teach ... Life is short and each one of us of which find ourselves in blended familes must remember that none of us know when our life could end .. wouldn't it be a wonderful blessing to know that our child/children have numerous family members (even blended) to be there for them? So long as our child/children are not in harms way and the relationships that they make are positive ones, Does it really matter if it's blood family or blended?

To the person(s) that submitted this post .. You have been offered some great advice such as blocking on FB .. Also, with you being the fiance and soon to be wife seems to me that you are headed for a rocky road ahead of you if bio parent is already pulling stunts like this .. I wish you the best of luck and the greatest advice that I can give to you based on personal experience is to love the chld/children and treat him/her as you would had you birthed them. Never ever bad mouth the bio parents in front of the child(ren) and stand behind your fiance, take a step behind him and allow him to have conversations when need be with bio mom and let him do all the disciplining etc .. Best of luck and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!!

[Kitty C.]

Hoosier, in the 13 plus years I have been observing separated parents (being one myself and also as a SM), I've found one underlying theme for the ones who are highly vindictive.  The bottom line is that they perceive themselves to be SO hurt by what the other parent has done to them that they are bound and determined that they will make the other parent suffer as much as they have themselves.  Sometimes some kind of mental illness may be involved that is pushing the warped decisions of the vindictive parent.  But regardless, the ONLY weapon the vindictive parent has is the child.  They are so wrapped up in themselves and their righteous anger that they can't fathom the damage that is being inflicted on the child.  I'm sure you've heard the term 'blind with anger'...........this fits the desciption perfectly.

The sad part is that the parent may not realize until much later (if ever) the damage that they have heaped on the child.  In our case, it's going to come to a head sometime next spring or as early as Feb. when SS moves out of BM's home and moves in with us after he turns 18.  Just within the past few days SS informed DH that BM forced him to pay her back for the school shoes she bought him...and if that's happened, I know that it's happened before.  SS finally got a really good job this summer with a roofer and was making some good money...so I guess BM thought that he should have to pay for things that she's required to, especially with the CS money she gets every month. 

SS is just chomping at the bit to get away from her, for all the crap she's fed him and done to him over the past 16-17 years.  Just because she was so PO'd at DH for all the perceived 'hurt' he caused her.  Funny thing is, she married again 2 weeks after we did and that marriage ended within a few years...and every guy she's dated since then has dumped her unceremoniously.  She still hasn't figured out that if she looked in a mirror, she'd find the reason why she continuously fails in relationships.  But it's easier to blame someone else than it is to take responsibility herself.