Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court

[NoRights4Dad]

Wow Simplydad that was a great answer!!!  I wish I would've thought of it.  I felt bad and caved and sent her the money...court is on Wednesday so after this week I guess I will know exactly what I have to give her.

Also, do you know if they take figures based on my salary or salary plus overtime since overtime is not guaranteed?

I also just moved to a bigger apartment so that when I have them they have their own rooms.  Currently my son and daughter are sharing a room and bed at their mother's house they are 4 & 7.

Will the judge take that into consideration (the new place where they each have their own room?), will they even give me a chance to make my case before they do the math?

I spend a lot of money on them even after giving their mother money.  I'm wondering if this is something that they take into consideration.

[Simplydad]

For temporary orders on child support they will more than likely look at your last couple monthsh of pay statements to come up with an amount.  This amount has to be AFTER taxes.  So it will not be the gross amount of your check.  So what they will do is take your gross salary and deduct the taxes you pay and that will be your net pay and they will use that amount.

It is my understanding that a final order will be based on your annual salary (and I guess they could do that on temp child support as well).  So theoritically that can take your 2010 W-2 form and use that as a means to determin the amount.

Keep in mind. You are not responsible to maintain two households for your children. You are responsible for maintining ONE home where your children will reside when they are with you.  Every time your ex says that the kids do not have this or do not have that make remind her that you are able to provide for your kids.  If she cannot you will be picking them up. If she says they have no food tell her you will come pick up the kids and take them to your house an feed then.  You will then return them home to her. She is only using them as a weapon to get her way and will guilt you into anything.  It is a hard stance to take but all you have to do is keep reminding her that you are capable to take care of the children when she is not.  I can assure you that will put a stop to those comments.

Never and I repeat never have any of these conversations verbally. It only means your word against hers.   I personally will not have a single conversation with my ex with anything other than my son.  If we have a verbal conversation I immedietly send an email outlining what we discussed.  There is nothting more important in this stage than documentation.

The will not take into account money you spend on your children.  That will not have any real relevence.

[NoRights4Dad]

no I have saved everything via text...after this whole court situation we are not able to have a verbal conversation even if we tried.

I even have texts where she wishes I be killed on the job and that I'm going to hell.  I am a NYC Police Officer.  She says this to me in just regular conversation for no reason, I really think she is crazy. 

[Kitty C.]

' I felt bad and caved and sent her the money...'

She's counting on that, since she's been able to pressure you into it all this time.  If you have text messages where she has stated the same (can't afford to feed the kids), make DAMN sure you keep them.  They will come in very handy when/if you file for change of custody.  Because if this happens often enough, the court might view that as a 'significant change of circumstance', in that she is unable to provide for them, but you can.

Regarding overtime, I have no idea what your state law might be, but here in Iowa OT canNOT be used to calculate CS unless it is mandatory.  The reasoning is that they cannot calculate CS on 'future' earnings, only past.  If the subject is brought up, whether with your atty., in any petition she files, or in court, make that point.

[gemini3]

The money you sent her probably won't be considered child support, since you guys have no written agreement and you aren't divorced.  From what it sounds like, you don't have seperation papers either?  If not, none of that will be considered child support.

I would go talk to some attorneys and see what they say.

[NoRights4Dad]

Okay thanks everyone for your help...it is very much appreciated.  D-day is tomorrow.  Wish me luck!

[tigger]

Okay thanks everyone for your help...it is very much appreciated.  D-day is tomorrow.  Wish me luck!

Yesterday's tomorrow is today.  Any update?

[NoRights4Dad]

Yes!  Everything went wonderful.  Thanks for asking.

The judge was very fair I have to say.  The court ended up giving her less than I was already giving her which was a big win for me.

She walked in with a lawyer which surprised me because she is always claiming to be broke and suddenly she could afford a lawyer?  It's no wonder my kids had been coming over looking dishevled, it was because she's probably paying astounding fees to this so called lawyer who ended up settling for less than what I was already giving her voluntarily.

I will now go ahead and fight for joint legal custody.  I did try to negotiate a deal with her outside of court through her lawyer where I would get the kids every other week as opposed to every weekend and STILL pay her child support.  The lawyer said he would speak to her but when he called he said there was no talking to her and that she did not want to agree to that arrangement.  Even her own lawyer thought she was crazy for not taking the deal and told me to "do what I had to do".  The reason being that if I get joint physical custody I don't have to pay her as much child support because I would have them half the time. 

Now I will have the chance to speak on all of the things that are going on with my kids care that I disagree with.  Such as the kids sharing a bed.  The kids claiming that she is smoking in the house around them.  The mom leaving my kids with the alcoholic grandmother for her to go on party vacations.

I could go on forever.

The funny thing is that she is now going for her 30 credits past her masters degree.  For teachers, this automatically bumps up her salary to $90,000 which means that when we go back to court in two years, I will be giving her less than I am giving her now since her salary gets factored into the 25%.  Before this whole ordeal, I did not know that the court took her salary into consideration when calculating the figures.

I would've given her what I was giving her for the remainder of my children's childhood years but she wanted this, she brought us and our kids into the court system.  I don't see a reason why I would not get joint custody when compared to her and her family.  Her family is a disaster.  Her brother is a drug dealer & her mother an alcoholic.  She herself is a boarderline alcoholic.  I have the facebook posts to prove it.  And these are the types of people she is leaving my children with.

I am very happy, I feel vindicated and no longer like I am the one being taken to the chopping block.  I am now ready to fight for my kids and become proactive with this whole situation.  Along with custody will come the divorce and hopefully with that freedom.  I just want to be a father to my children.  Nothing more nothing less.

[Kitty C.]

'The funny thing is that she is now going for her 30 credits past her masters degree.  For teachers, this automatically bumps up her salary to $90,000 which means that when we go back to court in two years, I will be giving her less than I am giving her now since her salary gets factored into the 25%.  Before this whole ordeal, I did not know that the court took her salary into consideration when calculating the figures.'

With how you've described her and her family, don't count on her obtaining that salary....or having one at all.  Sooner or later, people like her and her family will screw up.  And if she's a teacher, it will kill her or significantly hinder her career.

[NoRights4Dad]

Kitty you know the surprising thing when it comes to her is that with all of the craziness she surrounds herself with she is still capable of acheiving things that other people normally wouldn't.

You would never look at her and her family and believe that she is a teacher with a master's degree working towards her doctorate.  She parties constantly and her family goes right along with her.  It's pretty amazing.  So when she says she will be getting this degree she will get it.

I do agree with you though that eventually her luck will run out and her partying drinking and smoking weed will catch up to her and ruin everything she worked for.  I wouldn't wish it upon her because my kids will suffer but the truth is the truth.