Visitation - Summer Break - CO

[aquanee]

Try and make a long story short. I live in Ohio, my son (he'll be 5 on June 13th) lives in Massachusetts. We are very close. When I was still in Mass. I saw him every other weekend. Then when I moved to Ohio (~2 years ago) I have seen him and average of 5-6 days a 4-6 weeks, but usually in one long visit. I now have no income and have not been able to afford to see my son since the 1st week in March (when the judge did NOT lower my child support because 1) he thinks I should use my 401(k) 2) I did not supply enough evidence that I had no income other than a note from my former payor that I was no longer getting paid as of Feb 15, 2011???

I am going back for court June 23 - my last bid of savings was for this trip. My current girlfriend suggests that I bring my son back to Ohio for 4 weeks, and she will pay for costs to bring my son back to Mass. I have brought my son to Ohio 3 times, each visit for about 7-9 days. My court order states I get my son for 4 weeks during summer break. This is really his first summer break since he just completed his first full year of school. So I ask my son's mother and she says, "no way" not even 10 days?? I go to parent coordinator he says 2 weeks maximum because the CO does not say 4 consecutive weeks. I tell him I can only afford to do this trip ONE time this summer. I had done some research and 2 states laws (SD & IN) both children over 5 to spend at least 4 weeks with the non-custodial parent - especially if they live more than 200 miles from their child's home. Oh and my son badly wants to come out here again but he is only 5 and has no say which makes some sense but he shouldn't be totally discounted - he's asking to visit his Dad no eat a bag of M&M's. Oh and I had a full "back-up"plan - i.e. if William should any signs of really wanting to go home than that would happen. I've paid child support for 4.5 years - even before there was a court order - I was doing so voluntarily - so if I can enough about him to do that then, yes I will bring him home if he clearly wants to go home.

Any suggestions, or like seeming everything regarding my son am I SOL again.

[gemini3]

In my mind, if the CO says 4 weeks, that's 4 weeks however you can take it.  Just as the CO doesn't say 4 consecutive weeks, the CO doesn't prohibit it either.  I think, if this went to court, you would be the winner.  Part of the "best interest of the child" test is facilitating the relationship between the child and the NCP.  If you won't be able to exercise all 4 weeks if it's broken up into 2 parts, then it should be in one part.

Have you tried approaching your ex and saying that you can only afford to pay for 1 round trip so, if she wants it to be 2 trips of 2 weeks each she will have to cover the second week?

Try that first, and then see about petitioning the court if she refuses.

[aquanee]

Unfortunately, the mother is ALL about control and $ - it is very sad... I could literally give 10 examples without thinking too hard about how she has chosen herself over the best interests of our son. I did approach her and the parent coordinator about the cost issue and he said he was thinking hard about that (i.e. I would make one trip since I could only afford one trip because of the situation, and that includes my GF's help). His final decision was that it would not be in the best interests of of my son to be away from his mom for 4 weeks. I guess he felt that way even with the back-up plan.

Sadly enough, he said almost the exact thing to me that my son's mother said - that I should get a job and not put my son in this horrible situation.

HELLO!!! They both KNOW that I am NOT allowed work per doctor's order's except for 4 very modified hours a week.

"Horrible" situation - what -  that my son comes out to visit his father once a year for a month - that's pretty horrible isn't it. I mean when I was able to afford it I was going their 9-10 times a year and he was coming out here 2x a year - which involved me making 2 round-trip to pick him up and drop him off. I had no problem with that and would do it if I could afford it.

This is the same mother who withdrew our son from pre-school because I was behind on child support (yeah I had NO income) and come to find out that she (my son's mother) only mad 2 of here 5 payments to the pre-school - she blamed ME when it was HER fault. Her payments stopped 3 months before my child support even went down (the CO did not go down, because they think I can somehow grow money, but because I had to pay less and less because I don't have it - If I didn't have a loving supporting, understanding GF I would be HOMELESS and the state of Mass still wants me to pay 160/week)!!!!!!!!!!

[gemini3]

Is this parenting coordinator court appointed?  What are their credentials?  Is this person in MA?

It seems to me that there are some serious issues there.  Not having a job is not a reason to deny visitation.  And why is it ok for a child to be away from his father for 11 months a year, but can't be away from his mother for 1?  There's a serious bias that needs to be addressed.

BTW... the visitation booklet publsihed by the state of MA states that  "parents should try to limit the number of transitions between households".  The booklet can be found here:  http://www.mass.gov/courts/courtsandjudges/courts/probateandfamilycourt/afccsharedparenting.pdf (http://www.mass.gov/courts/courtsandjudges/courts/probateandfamilycourt/afccsharedparenting.pdf) page 16.   I would bring this to the parenting coordinators attention.

When dealing with the parenting coordinator you want to approach things in a low-conflict manner.  For example, you might send her and e-mail that says:  "My CO states that I shall have 4 weeks of parenting time during the summer break.  I would like to exercise my parenting time between xx/xx/xx - xx/xx/xx.  I will provide transportation to and from his mothers house."

If the parenting coordinator says no to that, your response should be something along the lines of:  "Due to my unemployed status, and my current support amount being based on my previous income before I became unemployed, I can only afford to pay for one trip.  I feel that it is in my child's best interest to have a relationship with both his parents, and to have the benefit of all the visitation with me that is allowed in the custody order.  How do you propose we resolve this situation so that my child can spend time with his father, as is called for in our custody agreement."

If the co-ordinator's response to this is "get a job" you have them over a barrel.  Parents should not be required to pay to exercise their court ordered visitation.  You can take that to the supervisor or to the court and file a complaint against the coordinator.