joint parties and holidays

[twistedtmama]

so bio dad has called and started drama because I am not inviting him and his family to my sons birthday party, and he wants to do joint holidays together I told him no and he has been harrassing me I have no idea what to do what should I do?

[MixedBag]

One of two things....

1.  Have the party at a neutral location and let dad come.

2.  Let the child have time with Dad, and encourage Dad to do his own thing and have a second party.....and sometimes let Dad have a separate party FIRST.

[twistedtmama]

I am not changing the location. I am having it at my parents house because thats what I can afford. My family is offering to pay for half, I am not going to do something to suit bio dad. I told him he can have him after the party or that weekend.

[gemini3]

You complain that dad isn't involved with the child.... yet you take steps to prohibit that involvement.  You should be taking steps to encourage it for your sons sake.

Remember - this isn't about you.  This isn't about his dad.  This is about your son.  And your son deserves to enjoy the love of his whole family on his birthday.  Why deny a child the love of family?

[twistedtmama]

I am not denying the father from seeing him. He is more than welcome to come pick him up and throw his own party with his own family. He has asked many times to take him and you know what he never shows up.

Also his family and my family do not get along so it wouldn't be best to have him and his family there. He is more than welcome to take my ds at any time and throw his own party. I am having my sons party at my family's house and they are not welcome there, because of all the things they have done. I am not pretending to paint a false picture in my sons head that we are one big happy family when we are not, we haven't been together since my son was a month old he is now turning 5.

Only way I want to deal with bio jerk is during drop offs I do not want him around me celebrating holidays. So then my son can just have his day ruined and feel the tension between my family and his family my son does not deserve that.

I refuse to bend over backwards to suit him I have before in the past and I got taken advantage of. His family and my family together will just make everyone really uncomfortable. Only reason why they want to go is because bio is too cheap to throw his own party.

[gemini3]

If he never shows up then why does it concern you so much that you're posting about it on this site?  If he never shows up, why even worry about it at all?

[Simplydad]

Only way I want to deal with bio jerk is during drop offs I do not want him around me celebrating holidays. So then my son can just have his day ruined and feel the tension between my family and his family my son does not deserve that.

It may not seem this way to you but you are just as much a contributing factor to these issues.  You obvious hostility toward your ex will not go unrecognized by your son.  Your feelings toward his dad has to be one of the most irrelevent feelings there is when it comes to the child.  You may not like his father but he loves his father. 

I refuse to bend over backwards to suit him I have before in the past and I got taken advantage of. His family and my family together will just make everyone really uncomfortable. Only reason why they want to go is because bio is too cheap to throw his own party.

I don't have a problem with separate events when it comes to birthdays and other holidays.  However if the party is on the actual birthday then I think it may be important for the child to have some time with both parents.  In my state in the standard decree both parents gets time with the child on the birthday. The non-custodial gets to pick up the child just a normal weekday visitation that starts at 6 and ends at 8.

[Remi2]

so bio dad has called and started drama because I am not inviting him and his family to my sons birthday party, and he wants to do joint holidays together I told him no and he has been harrassing me I have no idea what to do what should I do?

In my situation, despite everything that NCP or bio dad has done (and still trying to do) to try to destroy me and get back at me I still invited him to our child's 3rd birthday party which was at a neutral location.  This was also after he had a birthday party for the child at the daycare and did not tell me or invite me to that party.  He declined the invitation but I still extended the invitation nonetheless for the sake of the child.  I chose to be the bigger person/parent. 

It takes two or more people to keep conflict going.  If you and your family can put your personal feelings aside and be civil for a couple of hours you would be doing it for your little boy not for his Dad.  On the other hand, if this will be virtually impossible because there is way too much hostility and animosity then should just have two separate parties/holidays and leave it at that.