teen father

[get_my_son _back9_20]

I am a 17 year old father, i'll be 18 in may. This is my story. Me and my ex-girlfriend were together for 1year when i found out she was pregnant. So I stay with her for 9 months I went to almost all the doctor appiontments and i cut the cord and had a beauiful baby boy. After that happen everything headed down ward. 2 months after having our son I fell out off love with her so we took a break in which we decided that we could see other people.She started taking to her old boyfriend that she dated in 7 grade. At first i was mad because this guy was a friend of mines and i never expected him to do that. During this time she allowed me to pick up my son whenever I wanted and since i didn't work very much. But about 2 months ago she got married at 17 and know she won't let me see my son anymore... When she did move in with him i was paying child support and i still am but she won't allow me to see him.

[4honor]

you may have the best chance of getting some free legal help with establishing paternity and a set visitation schedule through legal aid.

17 year old girls know next to nothing about real life and what a child needs emotionally...unfortunately  neither do 17 year old boys.

Since you are not working much, you need to be educating yourself. Read the articles on this site (look at the links on the bottom of the page) and start with the tips for getting started. Also, take a parenting class (one that hands out certificates at the end) and if there is one offered in your area, take a co-parenting class.

Regardless of whether you allegedly "KNOW" that the child is yours, get a DNA test done. Only the mother knows for sure if you are the only possible father.

As for giving her money for the child, write "FOR CHILD SUPPORT"  on the checks, or instead put the money into an interest bearing account until the DNA test and the child support order are in place.

Did you sign an acknowledgement of paternity at the child's birth? if not, DON'T until the DNA test comes back... many men are locked into paying support to children they are never allowed to see, but who are not their children... even years later.

Since you are never married, many states consider the mother of the child to have sole physical and legal custody. I do not know if your state does or not but you will find information like that on a link from SPARC's main page.

You need to figure out what you really want in this case. The mother has moved on with her life and is likely to try to exclude you from the child's life and thus from her little family. This may be out of spite, or it may be out of convenience.  Cause let's face it, visitation is inconvenient for all involved, but is necessary for a child to have both parents in their lives.

You need to grow some really thick skin. Not every frustrating thing your ex-girlfriend does is going to be to spite you -- but then again she does know you well enough to push your buttons, and probably will.

I am going to give you three pieces of advice that have been invaluable in our dealings with BM (Bio Mom) and have kept us from losing our sanity over the last 12 years:
     1) Keep your mind set on what is truly best for your child and let the extraneous crap slide as much as you can.
              AND EVEN MORE IMPORTANT
     2) Always behave as if you are standing in front of a judge.

These two items along with 3) DOUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!!!! are the advice that I received here on this site. I have witnessed myself how important this advice has been when actually standing in court with my NCP (Non-Custodial Parent) husband.

My hubby had no lawyer in his divorce and he got the shaft and an unenforceable order. I documented and pro se he got a reduction in child support  (by over $100 a month) even though his income had increased. Later, our documenting kept BM from moving away and got the order modified to one that is enforceable for contempt. Things are not perfect and there are extenuating circumstances now that throw everything into a jumble, but after getting her fanny handed to her twice by the judge, BM is cooperating as much as possible now... usually under duresse from the court order.

This is a marathon, not a sprint. It will never end. (You will have to share this child even as an adult.) This child is a life you and this girl have brought into the world. You will need to develop your diplomacy skills. Your child will only benefit from co-operation between you and your ex. There will be instances where you will need to quietly draw a line in the sand and stand your ground. There will be others where you will need to perform a blitzkreig and all out battle. Sometimes it will go smoothly and you will wonder what your ex is planning now. Through it all, keep your opinion of that child's mother to yourself. Your child will thank you for it when he is grown into a mature adult.

[IceMountain]

4honor,
You have given some very good advice and have repeated some things that all parents - whether custodial or noncustodial - need to remember!

[wendl]

My ex was a minor when we had our child, he (my ex) got a court appointed attorney (as he was still a minor)

My ex got vistitation, every other weekend, alternating holidays and orders to pay child support (only $25 a month as he was a minor)

I would suggest looking into getting an attorney to get visitation set in place.

Take infant cpr and parenting classes as well.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[get_my_son _back9_20]

My son is desperately looking for some help on how he can resume seeing his son.  I have visited his exfriend's husband's house on several occasions hoping that I could persuade her to allow him to see his son.  It worked once.  I went back last week but she was not home.  I spoke with her mother in law who agreed that it was not fair that we were not allowed to see the baby.

His exfriend's new husband has joined the Army and will be going into bootcamp in June for 6 weeks.  After boot camp, they plan on living where ever he is stationed with the BABY.  Please help before it's too late.

[wendl]

you need to go to court and get a parenting plan it place

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[worriedmom]

I also have advice, DO NOT pay child support without it being ordered unless you want to. I had a friend that was paying on his own and they went to court because she decided she wanted more than he was giving her. He gave her 350 a month for 2 years. They went to court and the judge said that it was not counted as child support, it was a GIFT and was charged all that back child support which made him like 9,000 in the hole. He started to pay it off and got a warrant issued and was arrested. I agree you should help pay for your child but there is a catch unless your state is different in that aspect, I live in Missouri so look up your state statutes and see what it says. I envy you for your maturity in this matter. I had my first when i was 16 and the father decided his drugs were more important so he stayed out of my sons life up until he was 4 almost 5 My son is 6 now and not doing good in his dads care bc of the crap they are pumping him with and now he is trying to take custody. I am truly proud of you for looking for help. I wish my sons father wouldve done that. Good job and Good Luck, I think by your concerns your child has a wonderful loving father.......


CopMomOf3