mediation

[twistedtmama]

So I have mediation with bio dad coming up soon, I have never been to mediation what goes on during it?

[Kitty C.]

You know all the answers.............why are you coming here to ask?  Because any comment anyone has about it, you will no doubt tell them that they are wrong.

Hmmmm.......sounds like Dad DOES want to be in the child's life.......

[ocean]

huh???
You just got done telling us that father never comes, does not ever want to come get him.

Mediation- You are both in a room and a person tries to help you come up with a parenting plan. There should be exact times and days he has son and will no longer have to ask you for "permission" to see him. He may also be granted that child call him dad.

What is he asking for in mediation?

[brwneyedmom]

Tell you what, send dad here. I bet he will listen.

[twistedtmama]

He is asking, for no set schedule for visitation, he says we should have a schedule, because he says he doesn't know when he's available, so he pretty much wants to take him once a month rather than twice a month, also he wants to have visitation in my house, and he wants me to pay for his visitation, I doubt they are going to agree to this.

[ocean]

So agree to the once a month. He will not get visitation in your house but suggest the other things we all said (he can pick up child from school/your house and bring him to library, his sisters, Mcdonald's, or take him back for the weekend). He may get some credit for the driving since you can not meet him anywhere due to you not having a license. He should do most of the driving since he moved BUT usually you still have a meeting point. So he may get some gas credit for doing all the driving.

If he is really an hour away, it is almost long distance anyway. So look at school calendar and write down the 3 day weekends they have in each month and offer those weekends to him so he has an extra day. You can also put a sentence in there that if dad is in your town and gives your 48 hours notice, he can take him for the day/night from after school until 8pm, away from your house. They will want a holiday schedule also.

Email him before you go and offer/write down child's school schedule and ask him to email you back if those dates work and what holidays he wants on even/odd years. (He may only want certain ones then you can mediate from there).

[twistedtmama]

I plan on agreeing to the once a month, but he doesn't want it to be a scheduled day, which I am going to say it has to be scheduled due to school, or other activities he might have, the judge already said he cannot have overnights, so I am not offering overnights, judge said he cannot have overnights until he has things for him, place to sleep,clothes, toys etc. I don't get what you mean by driving credit, I cannot pay for his gas, I don't have the money. He wants me to pay to take him out, I am not agreeing to that either.

also 8 is way to late, my son has to get up for 6 for school so instead of until 8 on a school night, I put he can have him on a school night until 6, so that gives him time to eat dinner, wash up, and do homework or what not.  My son will be attending school full time k 8am to 2:30pm

[ocean]

He can get child support credit for doing all the driving. Not that you would pay him but he would get a credit towards child support.
This is mediation so everything is back on table, he is taking you back to court so as long as he has a bed for child, all he really needs legally and they will tell you that. He should be getting overnights fairly quickly. You can agree to if he shows up for 3 weeks in a row then overnights start, something like that.

I agree with you that he needs to stick to a schedule and they should tell him that too.
If he has child on a school night, then he does homework with him and has him back to you for bed time. If his bedtime is 8, then he can be home at 7, bath him and off to bed. Just like if he had soccer game or boyscout meeting.

When was the last time he saw child? What exactly do you have on paper through the courts now? Depending on what the order says now, he can go in there and say you are not following current court order...

I am a little confused as you said you did not care that he take him to his sisters or his house but he is refusing then you just wrote you are refusing to allow it??

[twistedtmama]

He would have to be back by 6, his bedtime is 7pm, I put my son to bed at that time because I tried 8, and he couldn't get up for summer school so I had to start putting him to bed at 7, and no I wouldn't pay for his gas, I have bills and everything, so I really don't have that kind of money. Also the money I have left over, I do things with the kids and then occasionally do stuff for myself with my left over money.

And no he wouldn't be getting them fairly quickly judge told him he needs to get all that stuff, and bio dad refuses so he says he doesn't want him overnights. Right now its tuesdays but I am going to suggest saturday, because he also has that day off, and I think it will be a lot more easier, because my son doesn't have school so he can having him for all of saturday rather than take him on a school day and only have him for 3 hrs. I didn't say I wouldn't allow him to take him out, I am saying I am not agreeing to funding visitation, he needs to pay for when he takes my son overnight.

[MixedBag]

Good luck with your position.

IMHO -- it's not a good one.

GAS -- If dad spends say $50/month on gasoline, and CS is set at $100 per month, he might only have to pay YOU $50/month in CS.  That's how that MIGHT work.

6 pm return time?  7 pm bed time?  Those are parenting choices....and I won't discuss if that's a good choice or not.

HOWEVER, for a mid-week parenting time, "after school" until like 7-8 pm is NORMAL IMHO.  And DAD is fully capable of providing and feeding your son too.

I personally would love the print and send that other thread to your mediator -- it's quite telling of your true colors.

The mediator can not TELL either one of you what to do.

The mediator's role is to get you two to talk and come to an agreement -- so don't be surprised if you hear the same feedback you're getting here.

Lastly, this plan is meant for from NOW....until your child emancipates (like 18.).....so THINK LONG term, not just short term, or tomorrow.

Putting an teen ager, or even a preteen to "bed" in a long term plan is not gonna happen.

And if dad doesn't want to determine to SET the weekend, let him pick and give you say 2 weeks notice in writing.