mediation

[twistedtmama]

Actually my son HAS to go to bed at 7pm, at first it used to be 8pm but he couldn't get up for summer school, and also I had to pick him up early one day in school because he was falling asleep. So if visitation is interfering with school, then I doubt the mediator will be like who cares about your sons school.

Also he has tuesdays and saturdays off, I am going to suggest him taking him then because then he wouldn't have to worry about him coming back at a certain time, if hes in school and takes him that day he will get him LESS, takes him on the weekend he can have him the WHOLE day. Since he has saturdays off there is no reason why he cannot take him then.

Also mediation is not for just the FATHER to decide on things, the mother gets to decide as well, bio dad isn't making all the decisions, its a two way street, you both need to agree on things, based on the CHILDS schedule.

[MixedBag]

Once again -- you already have all the answers, so WHY did you ask what mediation is all about?

You know one thing DAD could ask for is something that says that HE is the only one to be called DAD, and that other additional adults in his life use other terms of endearment.

Trained mediator here, and I've been helping folks on sites like this for 15 years.

sooooo....

let's say dad agrees that FOR NOW, until child turns 6, a 7 pm bedtime is appropriate.

He could still return the child at 7 pm, and then the child goes to bed.

DAILY baths are not necessary.....that's again a parenting choice.

And Dad can feed him.

I don't "see" you as saying "YES, you're right" about anything.

I don't see you saying "YES, that's a good idea"

What I see is YOUR way or the highway.

Good luck!

[twistedtmama]

Then if bdad has a right to ask for things, then so do I. If bio and I have 50/50 then I think he has a right to say if a 7pm bed time is too early, but the fact that he wants to see him once a month, has never wanted to take him over night never had him, doesn't see him on a regular basis the bed time is not something he has a say about, when he gets a bed and what not, and things for him, and then decides to take him over night, then we HE has him he can decide what time to put him to bed on HIS time, my opinion bfather, has no business what goes on in my house during my time, and vice versa.

Also I think you are VERY one sided, you think bdad shouldn't agree to anything I suggest but that I should just agree to everything he wants, that is VERY HYPOCRITCAL. I think BOTH parents have equal say in schedules and what works, its just not for BDAD to decide or BMOM.

And he does need to be home for dinner, the few times bdad decides to exercise his visitation he has NEVER fed him dinner, he would always say I didn't make or have enough to feed him, so thats not very responsible at all. I would have no problem him keeping him until 6:30 a half hr before bed time, if he fed him dinner, and also if he offered to bathe him and get him ready for bed before hand, so then when he got home I could put him straight to bed. Also you skip right over my questions I am going to tell the mediator he has saturdays off as well, I am sure the mediator will ask then why not take him on saturday, you people don't seem to get that its not just what the father wants, and I don't see why you think I should always give the father what he wants, don't you think both parents have a say.

Also I told him I have no problem you taking him until 6:30 if you feed him his dinner do his homework and bathe him and he says its not his responsibility. So if he wants to take him until 6:30 he needs to do those things.

[Davy]

YES ... Every word and sentence Twisted post screams "POSSESSIVE", CONTROLLING" ... "ABOVE man's laws of human decency".   

Hopefully, Twisted will learn to separate opinions from the truths to comprehend reality and wisdom.

[twistedtmama]

How am I being possessive? Because I asked him if he wants to take him until 6:30 he has to feed his son dinner, I highly doubt that screams possessive, if you starve a child that is neglect, just to let you know. I don't see why he cannot take a little responsibility as well. Just like if someday he decides to take him over night if he chooses to let him stay up until midnight on his time, then thats his perogative, because its during his time. Honestly I think you are a bunch of dead beat supporters, and you are 100 always for the father, you just all scream hypocrites.

If you are all supporters of the fathers, and think fathers should get all the say, then why don't you all just give your kids to the fathers to raise and you all just step away from your kids? If the dads have all the say is raising the children, then whats the point of children having mothers?

Why in your mind do you think the fathers have all the say and the mothers should just have no say? Honestly I don't agree with the way you guys think, but thats just me.

[twistedtmama]

why do you think the father should get all the say? and the mother should just sit back and agree to whatever the fathers want? I don't understand your logic.

YES ... Every word and sentence Twisted post screams "POSSESSIVE", CONTROLLING" ... "ABOVE man's laws of human decency".   

Hopefully, Twisted will learn to separate opinions from the truths to comprehend reality and wisdom.

[MixedBag]

He didn't say that at all.

Let's put this into perspective...

If what you say is true, then dad only wants the child one time a month.

And you think dad has two days off a week that aren't even together.

So dad should drive an hour, pick up his son, drive another hour to his home.....and spend the day.....or stay local....doesn't matter...and then return his son by 6:30 pm until he turns 18.

Would you please think this through?

How about this -- you alredy know what mediation is about.

The fact that you're going shows "us" here that dad is an interested dad --just not on YOUR terms.

So....come back and let us know how your first mediation session goes.

You two are obviously gonna have to go several times before you'll come to any agreement on how to handle the next years until your son turns 18 or emancipates according to your state's age.

[ocean]

You have to remember you son is NOT a baby anymore and does not require that much at his house anymore. If he has a bed for him- even a pull out couch he will be given overnights. If you do not agree in mediation it will go back to the courts and you will get the regular standard visitation ordered. He is 5 years old, no 1. Some parents are "forced" to have their child FLY alone at this age to visit other parent. What the judge said when child was a toddler does not apply now. He no longer needs bottles, diapers, infant car seats. Toys are not a requirement. I think you got away with a lot because the father gave in last time. You may not get the same judge and even if you did, they will probably not remember what they said to you as they see many cases a day/every day.

What exactly is the father asking for? Does he want overnights? Does he want to change to Saturdays?
Right now he has Tuesdays and that will prob not work when child starts school sooooo what does he want?

Bedtimes, you will loose that in court. We had 7:00 on school nights-mid week visit and 8:00 on Sunday nights (from weekend visit). This started when skids were 4. This stayed until they were teens.

When your child comes home from school to sign up for baseball and boyscouts and they end at 8pm, what are you going to do?? My class is very tired the first few weeks of school, but they slowly get in the routine. The ones that were used to nap time at home had the hardest trouble. After a month, they were fine and making it to the end of the school day no problems. Then they were off to their activities. Some were right at the school. The school runs family programs and they START at 6:30-7 and go for about an hour. He is at the age where you should see he can handle bed time between 8-9 soon. You can not have child attend night activities but then say no to dad time. You will see the family court does not care about "parenting" differences.

Is there a way he can come get him after work on Friday, drive him the hour home then keep him until Sat night (if you works sundays?) ...that will be less on the travel in the car the same day for son.

[twistedtmama]

Didn't say what at all, he told me straight out when I told him if you want to keep him until 6:30pm you have to feed him dinner, do his homework, and change him for bed. And he said it's not his responsibility.

He didn't say that at all.

Let's put this into perspective...

If what you say is true, then dad only wants the child one time a month.

And you think dad has two days off a week that aren't even together.

So dad should drive an hour, pick up his son, drive another hour to his home.....and spend the day.....or stay local....doesn't matter...and then return his son by 6:30 pm until he turns 18.

Would you please think this through?

How about this -- you alredy know what mediation is about.

The fact that you're going shows "us" here that dad is an interested dad --just not on YOUR terms.

So....come back and let us know how your first mediation session goes.

You two are obviously gonna have to go several times before you'll come to any agreement on how to handle the next years until your son turns 18 or emancipates according to your state's age.

[twistedtmama]

I swear you people don't read what I write,we were in court a couple of months ago, bdad says he does not want overnights. He wants one day a month, and he wants my son to miss school the whole day during his visitation, no judge is going to go for that. And I don't work I am a stay at home mom.

You have to remember you son is NOT a baby anymore and does not require that much at his house anymore. If he has a bed for him- even a pull out couch he will be given overnights. If you do not agree in mediation it will go back to the courts and you will get the regular standard visitation ordered. He is 5 years old, no 1. Some parents are "forced" to have their child FLY alone at this age to visit other parent. What the judge said when child was a toddler does not apply now. He no longer needs bottles, diapers, infant car seats. Toys are not a requirement. I think you got away with a lot because the father gave in last time. You may not get the same judge and even if you did, they will probably not remember what they said to you as they see many cases a day/every day.

What exactly is the father asking for? Does he want overnights? Does he want to change to Saturdays?
Right now he has Tuesdays and that will prob not work when child starts school sooooo what does he want?

Bedtimes, you will loose that in court. We had 7:00 on school nights-mid week visit and 8:00 on Sunday nights (from weekend visit). This started when skids were 4. This stayed until they were teens.

When your child comes home from school to sign up for baseball and boyscouts and they end at 8pm, what are you going to do?? My class is very tired the first few weeks of school, but they slowly get in the routine. The ones that were used to nap time at home had the hardest trouble. After a month, they were fine and making it to the end of the school day no problems. Then they were off to their activities. Some were right at the school. The school runs family programs and they START at 6:30-7 and go for about an hour. He is at the age where you should see he can handle bed time between 8-9 soon. You can not have child attend night activities but then say no to dad time. You will see the family court does not care about "parenting" differences.

Is there a way he can come get him after work on Friday, drive him the hour home then keep him until Sat night (if you works sundays?) ...that will be less on the travel in the car the same day for son.