Joint Legal custody mother has primary physical placement

[SeanmoG7]

I'm looking for guidance,

In 2003 my ex took my then 2 year old son to back to her home country in Ontario Canada.  It took me $20k to get my attorney to get jurisdiction in WISCONSIN where we lived and to get a 2 year visitation schedule in place which ends later this year december 2006.  I was real unhappy with the limited schedule as I felt I didn't get my $$ worth, but I also felt it was better than nothing.

Once again, I am finiding myself in the same position having to go back to court (more than likely w/a different attorney) in order to keep my relationship going with my son and spend a great deal more $$ to get the WI court to agree to continue the schedule as it currently is on a 5/3 week ratio (5 weeks in CANADA, 3 weeks in WISCONSIN).  My son also starts 4kindergarten this fall and his mother is inststant that he go to school in Canada full-time which would give me less frequent visitation with my son.  She's arguing that going back and forth to 2 different school systems is too difficult and unstable for him.  I"m arguing that it's only Kindergarten and not like's its the 1st grade.

If I give in with his mother's wishes, I'm concerned that lthe ess frequent visitations with my son will negatively affect my relationship with him down the road...  and on the other hand, I'm concerned about spending that kind of $$ once again and not be able to prove that my relationship with my son is important to me...

Am I fighting a losing battle?

Are there any court cases or studies that prove less frequent visitations w the biological father have a negative impact on boys?

I am not willing to give in to her wishes if I know and can prove that it's will negatively affect my son and our relationship.

Thanks, Shawn

[ocean]

I would start this process NOW. If the US has jurisdiction then file to have child live with you during the school year and give her most of the vacations. Look at your local school district website or go down there and ask for a school calendar. There are many long breaks and long weekends that the child could go to Canada. I will tell you that I do not think you will ever get the split schools. I have never seen that happen even in Kindergarten. Kindergarten is not play time anymore. Here, kids are reading and writing and have a  math book....just like the older grades. Look at the long distance plans on this site and have it ready with the school calendar. Good luck!

[SRSDad]

Shawn,

  I'm new to this sight but may have a bit of advice. I live in Louisiana and in this state, if you have joint custody as you refer to in your post, the mother(or primary parent) cannot move to a new permanment residence more than 150 miles way without a court hearing on the matter. If this law or something like exists, then file locally and put the burden on her. I hope this helps

[step_momma_2boys]

I just wanted to post to let you know a little of our experience w/ joint custody that made my 2 SS's change schools mid-year.  SS's were 4 & 5 (ready to start pre-school & Kindergarten) when we first made the joint custody arrangement.  We were able to come to an agreement w/ BM about this with the understanding that after a couple years, we would reevaluate and the boys would live where they were doing better in school.  My SS's changed schools back and forth for 3 yrs before custody was changed and awarded to BM because she had an older son from a previous relationship.

As far as how the boys did while they switched back and forth... although it is not ideal, they did do well with adjusting to their new schools each year.  They would start school while living w/ us, and 1/2 way through they would move in with BM.  While they lived w/ us, they missed NO school and exceeded the standards for their grade level when they left the school where they lived w/ us.  While living w/ BM, however, they would miss 10-16 days of school (in the last 1/2 of the school year) and would only meet the standards by the end of school.  When the boys would come back, they were not up to our school district standards, and had to work very hard to get up to those standards.  In the end, since they were not failing, they were able to continue living w/ BM full time due to their sibling they lived w/ while w/ their mom.

The only way you would be able to get a joint custody arrangement where your child moves schools partway through, is to actually come to an agreement w/ BM.

Your best bet is to show your relationship w/ your son is strong and would be detrimental to him to not be w/ you as much.  There are psychologists out there that believe that a child's same sex parent is their strongest role model.  Would your job allow you to be home w/ your son when he is not in school?  You said your son is starting Kindergarten in the fall, but he's only 4?  Is that really in his best interest to start so young, or is BM wanting to start him in school early so she can secure more physical custody?  It is common to start boys in Kindergarten later rather than sooner, so that might be an avenue you want to explore.

I wish I could share w/ you that it can work out to have your child going back and forth between schools, but it really isn't in the child's best interest.  Different schools have different cirriculum which may put the child ahead or behind at each school.  I think it would be especially hard since the schools are in different countries.  I also think that it would be bad to argue that "it's only Kindergarten."

[janM]

When my grandson started kindergarten last year, I was amazed. They are doing things there that we used to do in grade one.

Last year in kinder he learned to read and by the end of the year had a sight vocabulary of over 600 words. That may not be typical, but kinder is no longer "playtime" and socializing alone. Even when he went to preschool he was taught letters and numbers and other acedemic things.