Keeping My Daughter from Me After I Have Ahd Her for the Majority of the Year an

[DDO405]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Oklahoma.
I am not sure if this is the correct thread to post this in, I apologize.
I am not with the mother of my 5 year old child due to her cheating on me, we broke up around December of last year. Since then, I have kept our daughter except for the random once or twice a month where her mother has had her spend the night. I work from 9am to 530pm so the mother's mother has been watching our daughter while I work. So during school they have had her a few hours per day and during summer they have had her 9 hours per day while I work. On my days off I had her all day.
This past week the mother kept her for 5 days and is now telling me that she will only allow me to have our daughter 2 days of the week. I explained to her that we should slip the days 3 days for me 4 days for her one week and switch the next week so she is with each of us the same amount of time, which is best for our daughter.
We live less than a mile away from each other. Yesterday she told me that her and her newly wed husband are claiming our daughter on taxes and she will give me a third of the child tax credit (a third to her and a third to her mother), seeing as how the child tax credit is just a bonus added on to what a parent gets for claiming a dependent. She change the school address to her and her husband's address so she could show that she lives there and she hasn't even kept her 10% of the year! I did not agree to this since I have taken care of our daughter most of the year. I offered to give her 50% of what I get back to split between her and her mother.
After explaining to her about the half weeks of us keeping our daughter she shook my hand and agreed, but it seems she did that just to get me to stop asking about it and she is going to try to keep me from our daughter for 5 days a week. I asked her why she is wanting to commit IRS fraud and claim someone who she has barely taken care of and her response was "I want a car." She has no job, only income is her husband's. I have had a job since I was 13 and am now 27 and was the only parent bringing in money while we were together.
I pay for our child's school lunches and the class room snacks and bought her school clothes. What do I need to do to make sure she cannot steal the tax money from me which I will spend directly on our daughter? PLEASE HELP!!!! I feel like she is just using our daughter for money and is not keeping what is best for our daughter the first priority. She only wants to keep her most of the week so she can claim her on taxes and come after me for child support. I have texts from her acknowledging that I have kept her most of the year and have financially support our daughter, just not directly through the mother. I try to keep responding to the texts so I have something from her saying things like this, but it is getting hard because she keeps texting inappropriate things like if my girlfriend is better in bed than her and other immature things. She also threatened me through texts with child support if me and my girlfriend ever get married and have another child.
After an hour of her yelling at me for not taking what she said and going with it, I requested we speak with a mediator through DHS which she agreed to, but has since declined the offer. the main issue is her mother is involved and does everything for her, that is what is making it so difficult on me, but I will not give up on doing what is right.
I know that lawyer up is what I need to do, I am working overtime as much as they have available at my job so I can afford it, any other info will really help me out.

[tigger]

Others with more experience with this can respond but off the top of my head two things:

1) He who files first, gets.  ie, if you file your taxes first and claim her, it's up to the mom to prove that you were wrong and she was right in filing. 

2) Working overtime may seem like a great idea, however, if she files for CS (or even if you get custody and file for CS) depending on the rules in your state, that overtime may be used in the calculations if it's been regular enough.

[ocean]

Do you have anything at all ever through the court system?You can do some things once we know this....

Taxes, you will get most likely depending if you get into court by the end of the year. You can prove you had child the whole time then you get tax credit. As soon as you get your tax papers from your job e-file that day... It should go through fine, if not you will have to prove you had child this year.

[DDO405]

We have nothing through any court system.  I am going to e-file as soon as I get my taxes, I really hope I can file first.

[ocean]

Ok,
You can either do this yourself or get a lawyer to do it for you, tell them you will pay for them to file this paperwork only and if you want them to fight a custody battle you will hire them later (cheaper). OR you can go yourself to family court and ask how to file an "emergency (ex-parte) temporary custody" of child because father has had full custody of child since XX, mom took her for visitation on XX and will not bring her home, stating she is keeping her and she states she will change her school. Father requests the courts grant him temporary custody so child can return to her home and start (return?) school.

If you do this yourself, make sure it is ex-parte (emergency) paperwork you are filling out. Bring whatever proof you have of having child this whole time. Be prepared to see a judge that day (here you see one in a few hours if you get there when they open). The judge will listen (or just read) your filing and grant it or tell you will have to fight this out in family court. If he grants it, then you have custody until the next court hearing to decide on a parenting schedule for both of you. If he dismisses it, he will put it or you can request it get put into family court for trial and then child will stay with mom until arrangements can be made.

Some places make you go to mediation first...so she may not have a choice in that.

The longer you wait and "let" her have custody the harder it will be to get half or full custody...

If you have proof of her signing her out of school, then get that and bring that....get copies of your paperwork too.

[DDO405]

Ok,
You can either do this yourself or get a lawyer to do it for you, tell them you will pay for them to file this paperwork only and if you want them to fight a custody battle you will hire them later (cheaper). OR you can go yourself to family court and ask how to file an "emergency (ex-parte) temporary custody" of child because father has had full custody of child since XX, mom took her for visitation on XX and will not bring her home, stating she is keeping her and she states she will change her school. Father requests the courts grant him temporary custody so child can return to her home and start (return?) school.

If you do this yourself, make sure it is ex-parte (emergency) paperwork you are filling out. Bring whatever proof you have of having child this whole time. Be prepared to see a judge that day (here you see one in a few hours if you get there when they open). The judge will listen (or just read) your filing and grant it or tell you will have to fight this out in family court. If he grants it, then you have custody until the next court hearing to decide on a parenting schedule for both of you. If he dismisses it, he will put it or you can request it get put into family court for trial and then child will stay with mom until arrangements can be made.

Some places make you go to mediation first...so she may not have a choice in that.

The longer you wait and "let" her have custody the harder it will be to get half or full custody...

If you have proof of her signing her out of school, then get that and bring that....get copies of your paperwork too.

Edit: Where do I go to request a mediator and the parental plan?            

The school was in my address , her and the grandmother changed it to the grandmother's address before school started so the school would be closer to the grandmother who watches her while I am an school, they did this without asking me.  they changed the address to the mother's address for this school year, the new address should be a different school but they talked with the schools and had it stay the same school as last year.

[ocean]

Family court or some have courts have it online.
If you are okay with her keeping her in that school and doing it the way you have it now then:
Go to family court:
Get custody AND visitation papers (ask for joint custody)
Fill it all out, ask questions here if you want
Give it back
They will file it and give you papers to serve her with (you can get a company do it for you, or some places have the sheriff do it, or here you can get anyone over 18 not involved in case to do it for you)
On those papers will be court date
Show up on court date...(you can bring a lawyer with you or represent yourself)
They may sign you up for mediation (not by me so not too familiar with that, here it is only for parents that want to do that)
Try mediation, if not court will have a trial on custody
At the end , you should have a very detailed plan on when/where/how you see child and joint custody so you have a say in school and medical

It takes a few visits to court especially if you do not agree...it can be long and dragged out...a year or more.

In the first set of papers, somewhere ask for temporary visitation papers until trial so you get days/times you see child now so she can not play games with you...

[DDO405]

Family court or some have courts have it online.
If you are okay with her keeping her in that school and doing it the way you have it now then:
Go to family court:
Get custody AND visitation papers (ask for joint custody)
Fill it all out, ask questions here if you want
Give it back
They will file it and give you papers to serve her with (you can get a company do it for you, or some places have the sheriff do it, or here you can get anyone over 18 not involved in case to do it for you)
On those papers will be court date
Show up on court date...(you can bring a lawyer with you or represent yourself)
They may sign you up for mediation (not by me so not too familiar with that, here it is only for parents that want to do that)
Try mediation, if not court will have a trial on custody
At the end , you should have a very detailed plan on when/where/how you see child and joint custody so you have a say in school and medical

It takes a few visits to court especially if you do not agree...it can be long and dragged out...a year or more.

In the first set of papers, somewhere ask for temporary visitation papers until trial so you get days/times you see child now so she can not play games with you...

thank you thank you thank you, a thousand times thank you!  You explained it simplistically.

[Kitty C.]

My DH has an example of 'He who files first, gets'.  When BM threatened to claim SS on her income tax because she thought DH was late with CS at the end of the year (CSRU just hadn't gotten it into her acct. immed.), we filed as soon as we got our W2's.  BM kept wanting to argue the point, even past April 15th, which lead us to believe she had already filed and claimed, as well.  Problem was, we'd already claimed him, got our refund and had it spent on our winter vacation!  We did get a letter from the IRS at Christmas that year, asking about a specific SSN (SS's) that had been claimed on two different returns.  But it also said that if we'd filed correctly, we need not respond.  So I'm assuming they went after BM, but I don't know how it turned out....she wouldn't tell us!    After that, I had an actual IRS agent tell me to make sure we filed as soon as possible after the first of the year, to make sure BM didn't try to pull one over on us again.

Another word on OT.....a LOT can depend on your state's laws.  Here in IA, if it's mandatory OT (happens on a daily or weekly basis, it can be included in the calculation for CS.  If it is NOT, they cannot touch it.  DH had mandatory OT with his previous job, but only 4 hours a week, so they figured that in.  Now he works a job where the OT is extremely variable....massive amounts of it in the summer and almost none in the winter....the state can't touch it.

You need to find out what your state laws are in figuring CS.  The rule here is that they cannot calculate on future earnings of a current job, only past.  If your state laws are similar, make sure you pay close attention when the subject come up in court, so that you can stand your ground on the legalities.

[DDO405]

My DH has an example of 'He who files first, gets'.  When BM threatened to claim SS on her income tax because she thought DH was late with CS at the end of the year (CSRU just hadn't gotten it into her acct. immed.), we filed as soon as we got our W2's.  BM kept wanting to argue the point, even past April 15th, which lead us to believe she had already filed and claimed, as well.  Problem was, we'd already claimed him, got our refund and had it spent on our winter vacation!  We did get a letter from the IRS at Christmas that year, asking about a specific SSN (SS's) that had been claimed on two different returns.  But it also said that if we'd filed correctly, we need not respond.  So I'm assuming they went after BM, but I don't know how it turned out....she wouldn't tell us!    After that, I had an actual IRS agent tell me to make sure we filed as soon as possible after the first of the year, to make sure BM didn't try to pull one over on us again.

Another word on OT.....a LOT can depend on your state's laws.  Here in IA, if it's mandatory OT (happens on a daily or weekly basis, it can be included in the calculation for CS.  If it is NOT, they cannot touch it.  DH had mandatory OT with his previous job, but only 4 hours a week, so they figured that in.  Now he works a job where the OT is extremely variable....massive amounts of it in the summer and almost none in the winter....the state can't touch it.

You need to find out what your state laws are in figuring CS.  The rule here is that they cannot calculate on future earnings of a current job, only past.  If your state laws are similar, make sure you pay close attention when the subject come up in court, so that you can stand your ground on the legalities.

thank you very much for taking the time to respond.  This information is very helpful.