Mediation meeting today- Father moving to FL-

[redbabyblue70]

Just an update and looking for some experienced opinions on our situation.  My husband has a mediation meeting for today, to modify the current custody order which is 50/50.  We currently reside in PA and we are moving to FL due to a change in my job as well as more job opportunities there for my husband.  He has 3 children ages 15, 12 and 10.  We informed BM we are moving at the end of August 2011 and asked her if she would discuss options to modifying the custody order.  Currently they are able to communicate (for the most part) with each other regarding their children.  After informing her of the move and asking if she would be willing to modify the custody order- she proceeded to inform his brother and sister in law of our pending move.  They are listed as intervenors on their current custody order (long story).  They, in turn, file for a modification to the current order stating if father moves abruptly to FL, full custody should go to BM.  Now mind you, my husband has also filed for a modification requesting for the change to take place in 2012.  He is asking for the children to reside with us during the school year and with BM on holidays and summer vacation.  The request for change is due to the fact she still is residing with her BF whom we have a PFA against because he hit his youngest child on the back of the head, and he was touching the other two children (both girls) inappropriately.  He is not allowed to touch them at all nor to use foul language in front of them, but for some strange reason, the judge is allowing him to still LIVE with them!!!!  BM stated after she moved to her current apartment, BF would be moving out.  This was almost 2 years ago- BF/abuser (in my eyes anyway) still resides there. 

Has anyone been involved in a shared custody arrangement across states?  Is it possible for BM to block my husband from moving to FL?  At this time, we are not looking to move the children with us right away.  School has already started and we still need to locate a permanent residence in FL.  We are staying with family until we locate a place of our own.

[ocean]

You will be allowed to move, just not with kids. To be honest, you have a very hard case, to ask the the kids be moved. If you allow them to stay now, then you are saying they are not in danger now and will be later? You have to prove it is in the best interest of the kids to move hundreds of miles away, very hard. I would suggest, you come up with a long distance plan because that is what the judge will consider. Since you are moving, you will be paying for flights or travel costs for parenting time. Look at their school calendar and come up with long holidays they can come see you plus most of the summer.

[redbabyblue70]

Update:  Result of mediation hearing, on to a hearing before a judge, which we both expected.  What we did not expect is 1) even though you are not "allowed" to have a lawyer with you during a mediation hearing, his former wife did and he was not told about it.  2)  Once again, his brother and sister in law attacked his personal character and accused him of things he has not done.  After almost 2 years of no contact with the children- they got together with them for supposedly three hours- and now they know the children inside and out.  I was not allowed into this hearing, which I expected as well.  I knew they were going to attack him and of course, I would defend him and they did not want that.  They tried to have the children taken away from him for the remainder of his parenting time with them, and that was refused because of the current custody order, which states 50/50 custody.  It's just horrible that they would try to take the children away on his last weekend with them before we leave. 

We will probably be coming back up to PA in November or December for the hearing. 

I agree Ocean, the whole situation is a hard case.  The mediator even stated to my husband that he was in for a long fight, which is sad.  Everyone seems to forget that everything done is for the best interest of the children.  The best interest of the children includes both parents being involved with the children's lives.  I personally am a child of divorce, so I know what it is like to not have one parent on a full time basis. Not due to a move, but due to the fact when my parents got together, it became World War III. I lived with my father for four years, and my mother bowed out at that point, stating she did not want to be a part time mother.  At the time, that comment hurt. I was 13.  Now, I understand what she meant better.  She felt she was doing what was in my best interest, because my father was never going to stop degrading her and making negative comments and poisoning my mind against her, even though the custody order states not to do that.

My hope, is when we go to the next hearing, we are able to remove his brother and sister in law as intervenors.  It is my personal goal to do that.  They have two children of their own, and they should be paying attention to them, not worrying about their nieces and nephew who obviously have two parents that love them.

My other worry is the financial aspect of it, because my husband really should go into this hearing with a lawyer.  Funds are tight right now until he finds work in Florida. 

Any advice is greatly appreciated. 

[ocean]

You can try calling her lawyer and asking for them to put together what they think is a fair long distance plan. Try to tweak it, and negotiate for the next hearing. Family court is not done in one day, it usually takes one time a month for months and months to get to a trial. He will have to travel back and forth all those times. The expense of travel alone will major. Like I said before, the judge is not going to pull them from the schools/activities/friends. By moving he is "giving" mom custody. He would have to prove major neglect, CPS involved to move kids out of state, especially if kids do not want to move. 15 year old, is old enough to speak to judge. You already had a good case when you lived near her and they denied full custody to him so...he really needs to think about this.
Ex has a stronger case here, he is moving for your job, he does not have one there. He knows kids are in PA before decision to move. You have 50/50 now and "giving" that up. You are asking ex to be a far NCP parent due to your job move. I know this sounds harsh but if there is anyway you can make it in PA, he has the best shot at staying in their daily lives.

[redbabyblue70]

"I know this sounds harsh but if there is anyway you can make it in PA, he has the best shot at staying in their daily lives." in response to this statement- no it's not harsh, but I think you have to understand my husband has tried for over 5 years to find permanent work in PA and it is just not happening.  He as a manager for a restaurant but was demoted because he started looking for work outside the industry he was in.  I feel he has given it his all here, and has stayed here longer then he would of because of the children.  His former wife is way too involved with our lives and tries to be very controlling.  This is another reason why we decided to start looking outside of our current state.  Everything fell into place for my new position.  We will be staying with a member of my husband's extended family.  I am looking forward to the change and so is my husband.

Like I said before, we both realized he is going to have to go in front of a judge.  I just resent the involvement of his brother and sister in law.  They have made all these false allegations- and I was not able to even go in and defend myself, which frustrates me to no end.  I am worried about the children- worried that their mother will put all this negative information in their heads- poisoning them against him- she did this when they were still married.  I am worried about them having to spend time with her boyfriend who hits them-

[tigger]

But not worried enough to sacrifice and stay to try to protect them.