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Ex threatening child support modification

Started by Billwnh, Feb 19, 2012, 09:07:52 AM

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Hi everyone,

I'm new to this forum and was hoping to get some advice.

Quick background. Divorced 3 years in December. 10 yo son. Ex is PCP, but we my son is with me 50/50 of the time. I have been paying child support on time since the USO went into effect. I earn a base salary and quarterly bonus's. Per the original divorce decree, she does not get any of my bonus's during the original order of the USO(3 years). After that she can request a change,

Every-time we get into an argument about sharing costs etc... regarding our son she threatens to go back to court to get more money out of me. She goes as far as asking me for my last 3 years of Tax Returns, which I refuse w/o a court order.

What started the recent threats are that I sent her an accounting of money I have spent above and beyond CS for extracuricular expenses. Our divorce papers only state that I have to share 50% of uninsured medical expenses, not for extracuricular. I have no issue with sharing those costs and have been since the divorce.

The list of expenses included registration fees for sports, copays I have paid, and most recently the full cost of orthodontist work my son received. When she received my e-mail, she immediately started threatening me with going to court, stating that I earn so much more money than she does and she isn't about to pay her share of any of these expenses, including the palate expander for my son. This is despite the court order for her to pay 50% of uninsured medical.

I spoke briefly with my attorney from the original divorce and he feels that she would be awarded 25% of my bonus checks if we went to court and suggests that I look at the expenses that she should be sharing and compare that outlay to what she get in future cuts of bonus checks.

I don't know what to do. I don't feel they would award her any more money in CS because my income has not increased that much in the past 3 years, yet I feel they would award her part of the bonus's.
I'm tired of the threats and I feel she is bluffing because I don't think she has the money to bring me to court.

Isn't she in contempt of court ? And since I am not court ordered to share additional costs, would I have a case here ? I'm in NH and there are a couple of Supreme Court cases that ruled that extra-curicular expenses are included in base CS and unless your final stip states that you are required to share those costs(which mine doesn't), then I should not have to share those costs. Keep in mind I am willing to share those costs, but I want her to pay her half, especially the orthodontists fees.

What should I do here ? Call her bluff or give in and pay all of this stuff ?

Sorry, my thoughts are all over the place and this probably wasn't too clear. thanks for any advice.


What's NH's way of calculating CS?  If it's a flat percentage of your income and no credit is given for residential time, then I agree that the cost of those activities are part of CS.  If it takes your shared income and gives consideration for time spent with each parent then I'd say those costs should be split according to income level.  For example if you are 65% income to her 35% then the costs should be split 65/35
The wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!


As I look at the calculator, it does not allow you to enter any percentages of residential time. It is strictly income based with exceptions for child care and medical insurance. I think I might win the case of the extracuricular expenses, but I'm afraid of opening up a can of worms as far as her get a CS modification.


I'd also suggest you get to know what your state's laws actually say.

Sometimes there's a sentence that says the difference between the old amount and the new amount has to be a certain percentage before the court will adjust -- it's the definition of "significant change in circumstances" with regards to child support.

Maybe a pre-emptive strike?  File for the modification yourself -- shut her up and stop paying for the extras.

You are the best person to know what you'd like to do and how to handle it.

Really.....Good luck!

Oh and ortho?  usually falls under the medical umbrella -- even though it's teeth and many times optional.  Pick and choose your battles (or complaints) and be careful about that one.  Your child directly benefits from that.

lost child

REMEMBER you got a ways to go with this Mother call her bluff you need to STOP this NOW it will only get WORSE if you don't handle it now . And if she takes you to court youtake your proof that you have been paying extra . NEVER NEVER give her cash  give her a check or money order and spend time writing what this money is for and if she sends you E-Mails PRINT them out what ever you can carry to court with you and the more you got the better off you are . I would strongly suggest you getting a callender and noting everything this will save you .Judges likes calenders the worse thing anyone can do is go to court and your Ex's lawyer or Judge or your own lawyer ask you " Well what date or month or year did this happen (what ever the ?)And you say well I think it was XXX and XXX year they don't want to hear that they want clear facts and dates .Here is my point you need to win the first time she takes you to court because she will not be willing in the future taking you back to court. This will make your childs life better and yours anytime you have to go to court it always in some way affect your child. Children are very smart and they hear what is going on and it makes the child feel bad and then they blame themself for Dad having to go to court . And if she breaks court order DON'T dismiss that push it and make the court enforce contempt on her trust me the court is very quick to enforce court order on Fathers and find in contempt. Let her know that through your actions THREATENING you is not the way to go. Always stay level headed when sending her E-Mails she also has a print button to.Never give her the chance to bring somthing to court that will reflect neg. on you .I always have heared this "IF YOU GIVE EXTRA ROPE THEY WILL HANG THEMSELFS" .I wish you the best let me know how it is going.