Same old Visitation Denial

[Disgustedstepmom]

We live in Illinois. You would think a father is a father. Why should you have to take it to a Judge for a piece of paper state that you are the father and it's already been proven? It's ridiculous.

[Disgustedstepmom]

Suprisingly had daughter both day this weekend. Of course having court on Tuesday had an effect on that. Found out child missed friday of school because BM had a tooth pulled. That puts her at 30 days absent. BF is going to the school before court Tuesday to see what is going on.

[Disgustedstepmom]

Went to the school before court on Tuesday. There is no attendance policy for grade schools in our district. The absence toll is now 33 that we know of. Nobody seems to care I guess. Court went ok I guess. BF got overnites, but BM stated that child has a severe ear infection so she wants to wait until it gets 'warmer' to start the overnights. Judge said ok so BF doesnt get overnights till the weekend after Easter. It upsets me because you can't tell me that the child will not go anywhere else in the next month. I don't see why having her overnite on every other weekend would cause any effect on ear infections, and what about next winter? Is she expected not to come because it's 'cold outside?' I just don't understand and am at the end of my rope. It is time for me to step away and whatever my husband has to deal with, he has to deal with. I seem to be the only one who wants what is good for the child.


He also asked what it would take to get ex-husband off the birth certificate and get his put on. He has to contact him and see if he will sign a denial of paternity first then take it to court. More drama and bs. I don't know, maybe I am looking at this wrong.

[lost child]

This will consume your life because you do care and you want what is best for this child which means you know that this child should have a relationship with the Father well let me say this  in  my state the Judges doesnot like to go againist the mother BECAUSE the judge doesnot want the mother to get the womens groups involed .These women groups will go to court,they will hire a mother a lawyer  they will do what it takes for the mother to get her way all the mother has to do is claim ABUSE , HARRESMENT , STALKING on  and on . The mothers doesnot have to prove nothing to these womens group. Here it is these womens groups gets alot of donations (MONEY MONEY MONEY) and alot of it well they have to show how they are helping these poor abused mothers how they are spending the money and why they need more money. It would suprise you who is donating all this money all I can say is if you want to do something find out the company names that is donating it is strange these companies doesnot want proof either they want there  tax break and the glory that they donate to a great cause HAW-HAW. In this world we live in today it is all about the MONEY and POWER. I say this give yourself a break from this as a man and i am not speaking for all men but i to have a problem with my childs mother will I am ashamed to say but i left it up to my wife now to do the worrying ,research,paper work,phone calls and what ever elese needed to be done to try to resolve this matter finally my wife got tired of my absents in not having any input she also said" AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT CARES ? Tell you what when you turn off the TV and you start listening to me and you get involed in this matter and i know for sure you care I AM DONE I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THIS OR I DONOT WANT YOU TO ASK ME ANY QUESTIONS. Until you prove yourself to me I am done what ever happens -HAPPENS.I love my wife with all my heart and she is a very caring wife,mother and she beleives what effects me effects her and i feel the same way . NOW the TV goes off and I listen to her and i am made a commitment to help myself and i have proved that to her.I must say that we are much happier  This is not a perfect world and never will but at least it needs to be equal for all . Sorry this post was long but need to be expressed. TURN THE TV OFF AND LISTEN . Take a break  . THANKS  ,  LOST CHILD

[Disgustedstepmom]

Lost Child, I do feel consumed sometimes. I have recently decided to put up a 'brick wall' and try to keep to myself when it comes to her. I want to make a dozen phone calls, emails and so forth. I haven't done any of this because if my husband wants to do something about it, he can do it. I too feel like I am the only one that cares. I do understand my husband's point though. He told me at one time that he has not had the chance to really connect with this child. And in truth, he hasn't. None of his family know her. They know her name. BM doesn't want me involved with the child whatsoever. Doesn't even want me to get the child a drink if she asks. Her dad is suppose to do it. I would much rather my children have a step mom that loves them and would do anything for them instead of a 'wicked' stepmom. But I guess she see's differently.
Isn't it sad that so many dads in this world have to deal with this everyday? They always say "It takes two." Of course, until the father tries to actually help RAISE the child then they are shunned. I wish the best for you and your wife.

[Disgustedstepmom]

Well, husband got a text on Tuesday saying child is sick with flu and bronchitis again. No school for the week. That puts abscences up to almost 40. BM put a post on a particular website on Tuesday stating she took her to doc and he said it was just a cold, no meds. So today, husband gets another text stating she is still running a fever (5 days running) so she isn't coming this weekend. Husband told her he would be there tomorrow with a thermometer and if she didn't have a fever, he was having his visitation. She replied "Don't worry, I am seeking legal advice about this."
I am just done. I can't be involved with all this anymore. I know that all this upsets my husband, but in my eyes, he isn't doing what needs to be done. No phone calls being made, etc. Fed up with it all. I am giving up hope.

[Disgustedstepmom]

Sorry, in other words, no visitation this weekend. Husband requested a doctor's note saying she is unable to come due to drastic illness but that's not happening either.

[neutron11]

It seems to me that your DH needs to make a decision whether to allow BM continue denying visitation under the excuse of illness or take legal action. It's his choice since it's his child. I know that this gets to you but you need to let him make the choice and live with it, no matter what. Does he have access to medical records? If so, he needs to get to the bottom of this issue. He needs to document all the times that BM denied visitation with the excuse of illness and go to court for a clarification of the court orders. If you have emails of her denying visitation, bring them to court. If he presents his case convincingly, he might get a change in the parenting plan where BM can't deny visitation due to illness. I'm sure DH and you are more than capable to take care of a sick child. If the child is so sick that can't travel, then BM should send a doctor's note and provide make up time. But it's up to your DH to assert his rights and fight to get more. What does your parenting plan say right now about visitation? Does it describe specific times and dates? Does the parenting plan provide for overnights or does it say liberal visitation? It's better to have clear language to avoid misunderstandings. Court is not easy but it's better than living with the stress of a BM walking all over you and depriving the child of his father.

[brwneyedmom]

I think that your DH DID stand up for himself and his daughter.. Brilliant to think of bringing a thermometer with him!!

[ocean]

He did what he could at the time. When he goes and gets her, document with police report. Then on Monday, call dr and get records, see if you can talk to dr too and see how bad she was. Email mom, and ask when make up time can be for missed visit, even if it is a dinner visit. Take what you can get. If you have other denials file for contempt of court (while there, add sentence that unless there is a dr note stating child can not come, the child will go with father, if child is sick with note, the father will get make up time the following weekend, same times.)

It is very emotional when you go and can not take your child. Your dh has to control himself and not ring his ex's neck. She has control of his kids right now and he can not do anything about it. It is very frustrating to watch but your dh is also dealing with a lot too and trying to make you happy.