Mother wants child support but Not the CHILD

[lost child]

  I have to pay child support (Texas) for over a year my child has lived with her grandmother Not the mother. Grandmother does not receive none of the child support for my child. my ? is does the mother have to answer to anyone in Texas ? The Grandmother doesnot want to contact Texas child support unit but i do i am tired of supporting a grown women this is not her money it belongs to my child. If mother is doing this wonder what the goverment is giving her free housing and food ETC. Could this be like child support fraud ? Please let me know!

[Simplydad]

How is the money being given to the grandmother?

I am not sure of your situation but if the mother is not taking care of the child the you should have custody.  Is there a child support order in place?  Is there a custody order or agreement?

I am going off an assumption here so.  If you have a child support order and the mother gives the child support to the grandmother I don't think there is anything that can be done there.  If the child is taken care of it may be considered a non issue but what may be very important to the courts is what is the reason for the child living with the Grandmother and not the mother.

[lost child]

Thank-You for writing back the mother is not giving her mother NONE of the child support. And yes there is a child support order in place. I have never been allowed to visit my child or get the grandmother's address to send anything card gift nothing.I donot have child visitation order either. When i was called to appear in court it felt like in my best intrest i should do what Texas wanted me to and that is just agree to pay before they locked me up. Grandmother is not willing to contact Child Support because she is afraid the mother will come get the child. Knowing the mother like i do she is getting housing and food assitances.I drove 9 hours to see my child I had the mother's word if I made the trip there would be no problems to visit my child. Needless to say the mother wanted me to pay to see my child.I let the mother know that she was getting child support from me by refussing to give her money I didnot see my child. my child called me begging to do something i have to be honest i just didnot have the extra money to pay her.I did see my child 2 times -1 time at 1 month old and the other time 2 months old my child doesnot remember that. Child support has put a lein on my checking account Texas took ever penny i had $ 127.00 . i have been unemployed  and trying to find a job the only reason i had this money was because i take care of our 8 year old because my soon to be wife has a disabled daughter that goes in the hospital often and i need money to take care of food or something that needs to be paid. I am at the point i just don't know what to do.Mother has been in drug rehab and i believe that i am paying for her habit, I want out i got a life .it seems like a nightmare. I look forwaed hearing back from you.

[tigger]

How old is the child?  Do you want custody?  How far do you live from her?

[lost child]

my child is 11 years old and at this point in this childs life i don't want to up root her she has been through alot according to the grandmother she took my child to the store everything seem to be okay but my child got scared and started running in the store and ran to the checkout  and was hiding and started crying and said "They going to get me" The grandmother had to talk her out and assure her that nobody was going to harm her.I think that the grandmother is best for her.I have a 8 year old daughter and doing good i am not sure what my 11 year old has been exposed to .In the past the mother has been with different men , in and out of drug rehab and has mental problems I ask myself what if i assume custody and i can't deal with these problems then what go back to court and ask them to place her back with her grandmother .My child has had enough of truma. My new family and i live 9 hours away.  would just like to sign my rights away and the grandmother file for adoption my child doesnot know me and i don't know her and i tryed to build a relationship in nov 2007 i drove 9 hours to Texas when i got there the mother wanted money from me she was already getting child support from me I refussed to give in to her i drove back 9 hours without seeing my child. I guess you can say I give up.

[ladiva23]

I think that if you truly "gave up", you wouldn't be posting in this forum.  I smite thee! 
I was sympathetic at first, but now I'm wondering if you only want to sign over your parental rights because you don't want to pay child support? 

I am a step-mother of many, and my DH's oldest daughters 22 and 20 do not really have a relationship with him... well the 22 year old comes around mostly due to her younger sisters (5 and 8 years old).  18 years ago, my DH had been attacked by a group of the 1st BM's brother and family with brass knuckles and even was shot at, because BM was vindictive and wanted her new "man" to assume the fatherhood role to their daughters.  It's ironic, because she is no longer with him and "step-dad of the year" doesn't even claim my oldest SD's as he now has a "new family".

I say that to say this: My DH regrets every day the decision to not fight for his oldest daughters.  Even with the two youngers ones, as a stepmom to them, I worry and wonder, what happens if we will get them full custody?  I'm pretty sure that their behavioral problems that they are showcasing with their mother will still linger.  I worry about having to take them to see a psychologist, I worry that sometimes when they aren't being "not-so-great kids" did I sign up for the wrong class and will I flunk it because, I too, as a rational adult, am responsible for them.  Would it be alright when they do something sub-par to say "well, that's what they DO when their with their mom." or "well, she's like that because of the environment that she lives in." I think no.  I think it's not enough to excuse their behavior.  I tell them all the time, I'm sorry you were dealt such a bad hand.  That may be the way you're allowed to act/allowed to fail tests/allowed to not turn in homework/allowed to not clean when you're elsewhere with another adult, but you will not act that way when you are with me.  It's hard and it's not easy, but just like when I married my DH (and even before) I signed up to be a part of the parenthood.

You can't revoke your status just because she, as an 11 year old has problems.  That should make you want to save her more!  Don't be the guy, awkward at family gatherings 10 years from now trying to claim her.

That would be sad.

[tigger]

I think he's frustrated because he's paying child support that essentially become addicted mom support instead.  He has valid concerns regarding attempting to get custody at this point.  He'd rather pay child support to the grandmother to support his child but not to the mother who uses it for her addiction and not for the child.  If the grandmother got legal custody and he could pay CS to her and could get visitation, I think he would.  At least that's what I got from it.  Correct me if I'm wrong, lost child.

[lost child]

Tigger you are right ! I want my child and her grandmother to get cs that i am paying. Most grand-parents that is raising there grandchildren are on fixed incomes and this information came from AARP.The last thing I want is my child doing without and her grandmother having to worry about how things are going to get paid. My childs mother sure not worried about them (child & grandmother)and never will. I just wish that the grandmother would help me and quit protecting her grown daughter. I would like to see my daughter but i guess the grandmother is scared that i am going to try and get custody. I know my child is safe and in a loving home and that is what counts. Thanks Tigger for your support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lost child]

I have made several phone calls to CS i keep getting voicew mail i am leaving messages but no one is calling me back i will be getting phone records to prove this - NOW it is time to write a leeter and send it register mail. Tigger Thank-You for for advise.I hope this works for me. But the good news is i talk to child enforcement and i am getting form in the mail to fill out to reduce my CS.CS went back 5 years on me because BM wanted to file CS on me I will be drawing SS and not sure if i will live to see this paid off. Winning a LOTTERY right now would help.I would go in person and pay every penny. I could get a good night rest.

[lost child]

Got in touch with special child support unit I let the case worker know that the mother doesnot have my child the only thing I can do at this point is fill out paper work that is being mailed to me to lower my CS because I am unemployed . My girlfriend has got 2 money orders 50.00 each for my CS I really feel bad that she is taking her money this is not her problem at the same time she made me feel like a mililon dollars she said look "What effects you effects me and that is the way it is" This LADY is special I love her so much.We are holding on to the money orders for right now . I will be sending a register letter to CS in hopes i can change the payments instead mother getting the money the grandmother will be getting the money for my child.I sure don't want my childs money to go to mother to buy drugs.