Need an atty that is great with Father's Righs--Kitsap County, WA

[joka1111]

The last two months have been so rough. It started with the wonderful(NOT) ex sending a text message that she was taking us to court.

This stems from the fact that the kids don't want to come and visit because they don't get to do whatever they want and have to adhere to rules. She wants a letter stating that the kids don't have to come and if we don't give her a letter, she will commence legal action to do the following:

pay for drivers education for 2 kids
pay for extracurricular activities
pay for two cars for the 2 kids
pay for auto insurance for the kids
pay for college classes, books while they are in high school

But of course, if we send a letter, then things will just be peachy keen. We have asked for her to send us a letter basically stating the same thing that she is asking us for--that she won't sue us for contempt for not exercising the visitation rights. She has already paid for a Ragnar Relay for the daughter, flying the cousin up for a few weeks, a couple of wrestling camps for the dgtr--all while they are supposed to be here. Oh, and let's not forget that SS has a baby due about 6 weeks after they get here and he doesn't want to leave his gf.

The problem with that is, based on past history, this woman will turn around and threaten to sue next month when she doesn't get her way or if her precious offspring don't get their way.

There are no less than 50 threats all via text the last two months of "I will be taking you to court unless you do as I tell you". There is no compromise, there is no alternative, just do it my way. Now the KIDS are involved and telling my DH the same thing (via text--we have tried the "we aren't discussing with you, we will discuss with BM). WHO does that?

We live several states away from them and don't even know who to ask to find a good father's rights atty.  We did attempt to mediate--which is what the parenting plan says to do--on the visitation issue. Just so we could open up dialogue again, but the BM was not open to that. 

So, we have made the difficult decision to let it play out in court. There is no other way to get her off of our back. The constant threats have just gotten old and are bordering on harassment.

The only GOOD news is....she has gotten rid of daddy as her attorney and is hiring another one. But that takes the emotion out of it--which is the problem we had last year. The bad news is--I don't know who it is yet .

So, does anyone know any good father's rights attorneys in Washington State (tri-city area, Seattle/Tacoma/Port Orchard)?

The issue isn't of the kids coming really--they are old enough to make that decision, the issue is that the whole family dynamic is screwed up and the constant threats anytime she doesn't get her way (we were sued several times last year--right after I got married--and neither time was I in contempt, the courts sided with me. The mother is telling all kind of crap to the kids and it is starting to affect the relationship that the father/child has. Not only that, I want to know what exactly we are going to be stuck paying for after her kids turn 18.


Thank you SO much for any help you can give!!!!

[ocean]

If it is not in the court order or divorce agreement then it is not agreed upon. She can not add cars and college after the fact. Activities MAY be split according to both parents salaries but many do 50/50.

Try to ignore, if the kids text, write back "this is for your parents to discuss and I will not discuss this with you, love you talk to you soon". Then IGNORE again. Ignore all ex's threats, emails. Just answer one sentence emails when it really must be answered about visitation or something big. Otherwise ignore again. It sounds like the kids are getting close to being adults. Look at your court order good about if SS moves out with baby eventually when he will be considered emancipated.

Did she file something with the courts? Like you said, if the kids do not want to come, the courts will not force at their ages. Try talking to them through texts about school, sports, weather...on facebook? Try making a relationship outside from their mother but if they bring up court issues, just say this is not up for discussion, anything else but court issues.

What are you looking for with court? Wait until she files, then see. A different lawyer might tell her she can not ask for certain costs now if they were never ordered.

Sorry not in WA but call a few up and have one ready to answer any paperwork that comes in. Interview them and even ask those questions now, look up your state laws too. In NY child support goes to 21 and "can" include college costs but does not have to.

Good luck!

[joka1111]

Thanks ocean.  Part of me wants to send a letter to her--we have one typed up, but I am unsure of how to word it so that we are protected. 

The other issues, I don't truthfully care about. The courts will make the decision whether I want to pay or not...haha.  It is the constant not knowing that I frustrating. I don't know how a BM can claim everything is in the best interest of the their child, yet not trying to fix whatever problems are there and at helping to facilitate a relationship with the NCP.   

Any expenses will be in proportionate--the proportionate split would go to approximately 70% her 30% him (he is disabled from the military and currently going to school for re-integration into the workforce, but won't be done for a few years, due to his disability, he is unable to go full-time)

Thanks for your words of advice.

[ocean]

If you want, you can paste the letter here without names but what do you want to say or respond to? Her request for you to give up visitation?? If you really feel the need to respond to her craziness then simple:

"Visitation and support are two different issues with family court. I will be following the current court order dated xx. We never agreed to split costs of cars, college, or driver's ed.  Please do not involve the children in adult court order issues. I will not discuss these issues with the kids through texts, email or phone. This is for us, their parents, to work out. I am looking forward to my next parenting time with the kids on xx date and miss they very much."

[joka1111]

this kids are not going to come and visit. they both have said that.  the oldest (17) has a child due the next month and he doesn't want to miss any of that. the youngest (16) texted yesterday to send the letter because she does not want to spend time with him at all and will not spend her birthday here with his new family. 

the letter states:

i am aware that XX and XX wish to forego future obligated visits to the non-custodial parent. I will honor their wishes. All other aspects of the parenting plan will remain in effect and I will not be responsible for any travel expenses unless all other requirements have been met/agreed to prior to travel.

I like yours that says that the visitation and support are two different issues w the family court. She wants to go to court and get it ordered for us to pay for those expenses.  The remark about other requirements is in regards to medication that needs to be taken by the NCP, it is her nice way of poking at him that he is "half the man he used to be ...."--he has to provide a letter from his physician that he is in compliance with taking meds, however, she has allowed the children to come down prior twice without him being on meds, but the dr indicating he was "ok" to have children here. 

thoughts? 


my snarky side of me that wants to just be a witch would love ot say "i am not giving you this letter because i think the judge will side with you, but I am sending it because i don't want the kids to have to be miserable when they are here, consequently making everyone else miserable because they don't get their way".

[ocean]

She wants the letter so you do not hold her in contempt of court for not sending kids this next visit. NCP does not have to take their time. If they miss, they miss. I would not write anything that says you give it up even with their ages. Maybe just something like:
"I am aware the the kids do not want to come to the next court ordered visit due to SS's baby due date and SD's age. I will respect their wishes for this visit as long as I have access to them by phone, text, and computer throughout the summer. If at anytime they change their minds, please let me know".

This gives up this visit only,  maybe you can make the trip to them for a long weekend instead? Those ages, friends, school, jobs start to interfere with regular visitation especially long distance. It gets hard even in the regular nice situations. Is there another time you can "switch" time for, " I will agree to miss this summer visit here in XX but will be making a trip to see my grandchild and would like to have the kids when I am there visiting" ??

[joka1111]

i like yours better.

on the grandchild front--i am not so sure that my dh wants to go. that is def between him and his son. i am not involved in that one.  he and i differ on feeling for that one. 

[MixedBag]

Welcome!!!!