I'm lost and I need help!

[Ronp]

Hi: I'm go grateful to have found this forum. I haven't had much support or known any people who understand this terrible frustration!

I have a 3 YO son residing with BM. I have JC with BM as custodial parent. I only have visitation Tu 3-7, Th 3-7, Sun 2-6. The relationship with BM has been a nightmare. We didn't marry thank God! I seperated from BM 2 1/2 years ago at which time  she moved back with her mother.
 
I have been plagued with everything you all have been talking about.
The worst was false allegations of Sexual Abuse. BM made these allegations with a social worker that was investigating unsafe conditions i.e. swimming pool with no enclosure.  BM told the SW that " every time I brought my son home his anus was red and inflammed. I took my son to the hospital as soon as I found out and he was diagnosed with a sever diaper rash. The case was closed for lack of evidence, but not because the allegations were unfounded. It was closed because the allegations could not be substianted. I am listed in a database with the DOJ as having been a child abuse suspect. A bacterial culture was taken and the result showed that the inflamation was caused by a bacteria which eminated from my son's body.

   I have had to call the Sheriff's 20 times requesting assistance to p/u my child. I've have about 8 police reports sent to the presiding comissioner, which I was told would be reviewed at my next hearing. I retained an attorney and am wanting a change in my visitation to overnights. I really want 50/50 as BM is actively using drugs/alcohol. I was advised to request the change in visitation as a preemptive move because it is a lot easier to get. I am going to have to gear up for a custody battle. I want more time with my child I but I don't want to do anything that might harm me from getting custody in the future.
I'm from Southern California

Ron

[notnew]

Go to the Dear Socrateaser Board.

Read the guidelines as they are specific about how to post your issues and Soc won't reply if they aren't followed.

Present your information and questions in proper format and he will be able to give you helpful and meaningful direction.

I would advise asking him AND your attorney what steps to take to get the DOJ listing removed. If you have proof that the rash was caused "naturally", this should show up as unsubstianated (too big a word to spell!).

There should definitely be a plan in place to increase visitation to overnights and full weekends, etc.

You also need to get solid advice on how to get court acceptable proof of the suspected drug/alcohol abuse.

I have been on this site for many years. I have seen a lot of people have to resort to involving the police, but I have not had to use this route personally. However, I have seen from the postings that cops really don't like to get involved too heavily.

There are lots of attorneys out there who will take your money and not represent you well. I hope yours is not one of them. What is he/she telling you about this? Maybe another issue to discuss with Socrateaser.


Wanting more time with your child can NEVER hurt your chances of getting custody. The more involved with him you are the better. Get involved in as many parts of your childs life as possible. Take pictures and have pictures taken of you doing things together. Have a furnished room with age appropriate toys in your home for the child (no matter the amount of time he spends with you). Establish family routines with g'parents, etc.,  so that everyone gets to spend time together. It make for stronger bonds and healthy relationships no matter what happens with the custody.

NEVER lose your temper with BM. Don't argue, keep conversations to a minimum and to the point. Follow up with letters to confirm details agreed to, etc., If exchanges are hostile, send her a letter requesting it take place at a neutral place like a police station. If she fails to comply, ask for it in your next court order. NEVER have an exchange with her while you are alone. You need a witness to protect yourself. You already have proof that she is abusing the system by filing false charges against you.

I probably don't have to say it, but will anyway: stay away from drugs, friends in low places, drinking, etc., a clean life is your best building block. Do not say bad things about BM to others or the child.

Please go to Socrateaser. He is an invaluable resource.

[notnew]

Go to the Dear Socrateaser Board.

Read the guidelines as they are specific about how to post your issues and Soc won't reply if they aren't followed.

Present your information and questions in proper format and he will be able to give you helpful and meaningful direction.

I would advise asking him AND your attorney what steps to take to get the DOJ listing removed. If you have proof that the rash was caused "naturally", this should show up as unsubstianated (too big a word to spell!).

There should definitely be a plan in place to increase visitation to overnights and full weekends, etc.

You also need to get solid advice on how to get court acceptable proof of the suspected drug/alcohol abuse.

I have been on this site for many years. I have seen a lot of people have to resort to involving the police, but I have not had to use this route personally. However, I have seen from the postings that cops really don't like to get involved too heavily.

There are lots of attorneys out there who will take your money and not represent you well. I hope yours is not one of them. What is he/she telling you about this? Maybe another issue to discuss with Socrateaser.


Wanting more time with your child can NEVER hurt your chances of getting custody. The more involved with him you are the better. Get involved in as many parts of your childs life as possible. Take pictures and have pictures taken of you doing things together. Have a furnished room with age appropriate toys in your home for the child (no matter the amount of time he spends with you). Establish family routines with g'parents, etc.,  so that everyone gets to spend time together. It make for stronger bonds and healthy relationships no matter what happens with the custody.

NEVER lose your temper with BM. Don't argue, keep conversations to a minimum and to the point. Follow up with letters to confirm details agreed to, etc., If exchanges are hostile, send her a letter requesting it take place at a neutral place like a police station. If she fails to comply, ask for it in your next court order. NEVER have an exchange with her while you are alone. You need a witness to protect yourself. You already have proof that she is abusing the system by filing false charges against you.

I probably don't have to say it, but will anyway: stay away from drugs, friends in low places, drinking, etc., a clean life is your best building block. Do not say bad things about BM to others or the child.

Please go to Socrateaser. He is an invaluable resource.