If non custodial goes months without physically seeing kids...:...

[Spaceman1982]

How does this look to a judge? I'm just trying to get some weight to how a judge would look at something. With the motion to set aside she has coming up in a week (to erase her supervised visits) how does it look when she hasnt physically seen the kids since late November, and then 6 months later says "I shouldn't have supervised visits??

[olanna]

So many questions for you!

1. How old are the children?
2. What is the physical distance between her and the children?
3. Why was she having to have supervised visits in the first place?

If you are on the east coast and she is on the west coast, I think most of us here would agree that it would be understandable as to why she hasn't seen her kids in 6 months.  If the children are little babies, say under the age of two and they haven't seen her in six months, might be a hit against her for sure.  If your kids are over the age of ten, talk to her on the phone or use skype or something, probably won't make any difference. 

But aside from that, why were her visits made supervised in the first place?  If she has corrected the issue that caused this situation, she might be right.  If it hasn't been corrected, her chances would be less.

Judges are humans.  How they see things in a court room is pretty much dependent on the case presented to them.

[MixedBag]

I agree....with Olanna...

[ocean]

I agree too.
Just tell the judge that you want them to have a healthy relationship with both parents and that the mother did not follow the last order of supervised, that once she fulfills that order, you are more than willing to see where the kids are and change it to unsupervised. They have not seen their mother in 6 months. Maybe ask for court ordered counseling for the mother and kids with supervised visits until next court date.

[Spaceman1982]

Basic answers. Kids are 6 and 8. We all live in same metropolitan area. Her visitations were placed under supervised cause her ex roommate told the court about her and husband abusing drugs and when kids were on her visitation time she would drop em off at the husbands moms house....but would be home instead of with kids. She didn't show up to court in December and went to register at donnas house 5 days late on January 12th. She asked for phone. Alls till she wen to court and I have given her one call a week non court ordered to keep them in some form of contact.

She filed a motion to set aside order 6 months later....having not gone to Donnas house for any supervised visits and this is her first motion since the December hearing.

[MixedBag]

I think a lot of that depends on how the kids are doing.....

As a long distance parent, it was normal for me to go 6 months without seeing my son.....and he did fine.

It's the supervised part in your case and WHY that all happened I would focus on too in addition to how the kids do or are doing.

[Spaceman1982]

Kids have been doing rather well. Straight A s. the oldest actually got an outstanding citizen award.

The reasons behind it are still a very real focus for me. I remember in our original seperation process she wasn't allowed by CPS to have overnight visits while they were residing at her boyfriends (now husband) moms house. She is living there again so that's another area of focus as well.

But as most custody issues go, it's the big picture. So I was lookin at the aspect of not having physically seen them in so long too. Kids are doing well, safety is a real concern, just was wondering how a judge would react with her lack of eagerness to do a thing bout not seeing them.

[ocean]

Be careful, the courts will look to see if you are helping the relationship. By allowing the phone calls showed you are trying some. Maybe agree in court to meet at a public place with them, McDonalds for lunch. A small quick meet at first in a safe place. Libraries, parks once a week after school. You stay at the place but if the kids seem to be okay, then back off a little and let them have their time. If kids are old enough to come back to you with concerns or can take a cell phone that is good too. Little ones that can't speak for themselves are harder.

Ask for all parties to take drug tests, you too for the next xx months/years. Put no drinking/drugs while kids are with either parent.

They prob won't go from nothing to overnights in one court date. She should have to do a few or more couple hour visits first. Start thinking about what kind of plan you would agree to if forced into one. Supervised visits for 2 hours for the next xx weeks by you in public place, then it will move to 4 hours with an agreeable (or name a person) person supervising for xx weeks. Then a new court date to go over where she is living (maybe ask for a home study or GAL for kids during that time to come back to court with drug results, living conditions, who is living in house, and how kids are doing).

Also, ask that the first visits is for mom only (no boyfriend).

[Spaceman1982]

We have a history of domestic violence (documented). Last time we were in same public place she was arrested and sentenced.

The drug thing is DEFINETLY a good idea Ocean.

The GAL scares me though. There is still a mother rights movement in this city. I got lucky and got a best interest judge which is how I ended up with primary custody.

I do also like the mother only stipulation as well.

[MixedBag]

be careful.....I too had an EX#2 who tried to dictate who could be around our son.

He could not prove that my husband was a danger to our son -- and EX#2 didn't understand that when you have request for a restraining order denied, that he needed to DROP that subject......(he chalked all of his losses in court up to whacky judges and GALS -- even though we were in front of 3 judges and a GAL)....

Focus on the children.....and not on dictating what she can do with her time and where.

UNLESS you can PROVE that the children are in harm's way.

Was the domestic violence an outburst towards you?  Or the children?

Focus on what was WRONG with living in the situation she is in now.....not the situation, but what's wrong with it.