Relocating

[Justabovewater]

I will try to keep this as short as I can. My Ex has decided to move to another town with her Boyfriend. She moved 60 miles away and has decided that she is going to fight to get full custody of the 2 young children so they can go to school where she lives. We now have 50/50 joint custody of them and share them every other week.

A little about her: She works 2 days a week 90 Miles from where she just moved to, the other 3 days she is not sure where she will be because she is in sales. She was evicted from her last home 4 months ago, which is why she is living with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend has 4 other kids living with them in a 4 beedroom house which is a total of 8 people living in the house. I did some digging and found that he has 2 accounts of assault and just got off probation 2 months ago for his last. He does not have a job at this time, and is looking for one now. She has had 4 jobs in the past 4 years and 3 boyfriends that she introduced the kids to.

A little about me: I am remarried. She has 2 children that has the same living arangements as my children do now. I live and work in the same community that the kids went to school last year. I have been working for the same company for the last 5 years and have climbed the ladder here at work. My wife now has had the same job the past 5 years and has also done the same. I have made all my child suppot payments and any other payment as far as that goes. I have a 6 beedroom home with plenty of room for all of them to run and play. I was the parent that picked the kids up from school last year if they got sick at school or got out of school early. Even though she lived here last year she worked 30 miles away.

Im wondering if anyone has ever seen this and how the outcome was? I dont want to be a dad that gets to see his kids ever other week. I love my kids completly and I am worried about the out come. I just dont feel that it is in the best intrest of the children to be living with there mother. How will this be viewed by the Judge?

[Simplydad]

I am assuming that she is going to utilize the change in circumstance clause to try to get custody. 

First things first....get an attorney....and shop around while you do so.  If you interview an attorney and they tell or even hint that you can't win thank them for their time and move on. You are going to need to get an attorney that will actually fight on your behalf.

The law states "in the best interest of the child"  but that may not always be the case. Judges are human as well and it is not easy to get custody over a mother.

You need to document, document, document all that is going on.  You need to show that it is in the best interest of the children to remain with you.  While the boyfriend issue causes a concern with most people the law looks at things differently.  Unless the boyfriend has been charge with anything related to children I think the judge will  say it is irrelevant.  If he is no longer on probation I don't think you will be able to bring it up.

You need to focus on you being the primary caregiver. Everything you do for the care of your child needs to be documented and brought up.  That in emergencies your ex has not been available you have been.   You need to mention the commute as well. If your ex is going to be living 90 miles from her job how is that going to affect the care of your children?  From what I can tell her schedule is going to be very flexible and she is not going to be able to state where she actually is going to be from time to time.  That may be a good thing to point out since you have the stability that she may not be able to provide. 

Focus on school as well.  How different are the schools your children are going to be attending. If the school you are zoned for is going to be a lot better than the one where your ex will be living that also can come into play.

Also, try not to focus on the boyfriend.  That may turn this thing bitter because your ex will not like to be told what to do with her personal life.  Then it will not be about the kids and to be honest the judge will not care about your ex's personal relationship or yours for that matter......but.....it could be a benefit for your because of stability...your home is bigger (meaning more bedrooms) where each child could still have their own room.  You need to the little things to add up to make your bigger picture better than hers.

[Justabovewater]

Thank you!! I have a meeting with a Attorney in the morning. He s the highest recomended for custody issues in the area. I went to the school to get records of who took the kids out of school last year to take the kids to the doctor but they said they wasent sure they had the records. From what I read they are responsible to keep these records for 5 years. I may have to get the Attorney involved in that as well.

[Kitty C.]

Another avenue to approach this:  how long have you had 50/50?  If it's been quite a while (uear or more), your aim is to 'maintain the status quo'.  Meaning the children are accustomed to the schedule and routine and to disrupt it now would be detrimental to them.  Also, in order to change an existing custody order, she will have to prove a 'significant change in circumstance' and her relocating or getting a new job doesn't qualify for that.  The significant change in circumstance HAS to deal with the children, meaning something is going on that is detrimental to the kids.  She can't prove that.

Those two aspects are what you base your rebuttal:  status quo and significant change of circumstance.  When you find an atty., I would suggest to bring this up right away.

[Justabovewater]

We have had 50/50 for right at a year. Thats the most important thing to me. The kids have been through enough and there would be no changes in there lives if she didnt decide to move. even though we do have 50/50, I have agreed to pay her child support like she had them full time so that they could still have the life style that they were used too. I know either way it is going to be a change for them, but why make a bad situation for them worst.

[tigger]

When does school start in your area?  I doubt she could get a court date prior to the start of school.

[Justabovewater]

The court date has been set the day before school starts here and there. Her attorney has it in place. We had to go to mediation and didnt agree on anything.

[BusyMom]

Thank you!! I have a meeting with a Attorney in the morning. He s the highest recomended for custody issues in the area. I went to the school to get records of who took the kids out of school last year to take the kids to the doctor but they said they wasent sure they had the records. From what I read they are responsible to keep these records for 5 years. I may have to get the Attorney involved in that as well.

That should also be in the medical records.  Most doctor's offices will make a note in the file of who brought the child in to be seen.  You should be able to ask the doctor's office for a copy of those and see if it indicates that you were the one to bring the child in.

[Justabovewater]

I never thought about that. That would be a great source. Thank you so much Busymom!

[Justabovewater]

I talked to my lawyer today and went over everything with him. He said with the state that I am in, in most cases, the Parent that moves away for a reason other than to benifit themselves financialy (such as being Transfered for a job) or for there own saftey will generally be giving up there right as the custody parent in a joint custody case. If a parent moved simply for the reason of moving in with a boyfriend or girlfriend, Then the custody of the children should be given to the other parent unless it can be proven that the other parent is not a fit parent. Anyone ever heard of this?