Lost and Losing Hope

[LosingHope2012]

My story is a bit long so I am going to appologise beforehand.

Directly from high school I joined the navy and was stationed in japan. While there i met a woman about 13 yrs older then me who I got pregnant and then married. I got out of the service shortly after being married and the birth of my child, and fought for around 2.5 years to get her a visa to come here with my daughter. Once here we didnt live together for more then 1.5 years before she informed me that once her green card paperwork was filed she was "gone", this shortly after we had a second child. I was crushed but decided to be nice and stil help her get her green card so that my childrens mother would still be allowed in the country so they could have a solid relationship. As things progressed and I moved out, she stopped watching my children properly, I actually came to the house to see the girls 3 times and found my infant alone on a grown up bed with the stbx not even in the neighborhood. At which point I moved back in for the safety of the children. During the time i was back in the home and we were looking for a appartment for her to go to, she became increasingly violent as did her daughter from a former marriage, from which she was divorced shortly after recieving a visa to stay in japan. In june i had decided that this was not the person i though i knew and was not going to put myself on the line in order to get her citizenship, and withdrew my sponsorship. She currently has a visa that is expired by several month and is at risk of deportation daily. Also in june she and her daughter mvoed out to an appt that i was furnishing for her, and our 2 daughters were staying with me. I brought them over at least 3 or 4 days a week for the first few weeks she was there, until she filed a false injunction against me which got her temporary custody until the court date (june 18) at which time I won due to it being false. But that day after she left the courtroom she dissappeared into the night with my children. It wasnt until thew begining of august that she resurfaced with a free attorney, but even then withouta custody order I couldnt see my kids. I scrounged up all the money i could get and barrowed from my family and got a lawyer, who  other then by my direction only succedded in getting me to see 1 of my duahgters for 4 hours during a mediation i requested. During the mediation nothing was resolved and her attorney decided we needed to go to trial. 2 weeks later (yesterday) I get a call from my attorney saying that i had to come up with another 2k retainer or he was dropping me before the trial, and with me making min wage that jsut wasnt possible. So I'm oput 2k for nothing except  4 hour visitation, almost worth it though i almost cried when she walked int he door, and out of a lawyer. What can I do? I ahve called the legal aid people and they say it is not possible for them to help me because since they referred her to her lawyer its a conflict of interest. Also since she moved out of the place i was paying for she has been kicked out of the house she moved too and is living in a shelter in an undisclosed location. and according to her lawyer she will be homeless in a week, and court isnt until oct 10. thank you.

BTW i live in florida

[ocean]

What is the next court date for?
You can file yourself, "emergency temporary custody" petition at your family courts that the case has been heard and the reason as you have been informed that the mother is about to be homeless and you want the girls in a stable living environment. The case should be heard that same day as you file if you go first thing in AM. You have her lawyers info to contact her if you get the temp order.

Most places it is free or small fee to file a family court petition.

Until you get a detailed court order it will not get better. Ask lawyer again in writing when you can see girls, offer a few days/times, offer to meet at a public place. 

[LosingHope2012]

The court hearing is for temp custody, filed by her attorney. I filed once in july under emergency status and they put a hearing for august, and somehow her attorney got it removed from docket(sp) by applying for it to be heard in front of a magistrate, which my lawyer went along with. I can try to get things pushed forward at the county clerks, but they tend to treat me with a distain when i ask for different motions for the kids. I have had to resort to sending a female friend in with a request list so that i get some good advice and motions. Even if I get the motion moved up, I dont know how I'm going to beat another attorney, hers being pro bono there is no way for me to compete with one i pay for. I ahve done as much research as i could, have affidavits from family, friends, and medcial field personel. I ahve printed and highlighted various pieces of literature on the effects of taking a child away from their father and raising them without him. The other part of the hearing is for her to be allowed to move to atlanta georgia with some friends she met on FB(with the kids), who I have never met, and I'm almost certain she hasnt. I has printed and highlighted psyc articles about child abuse from mothers and mothers in situations where they are living in an enviroment with non family. I have noted and documents to show that Indonesia is not a Haque act coutnry, with no extridition treaty with the US, and that in order for her to obtain passports to go there with the girls she doesnt need my signature for an indo passport. She has no visa status and cannot/will not be allowed to work in this country so I cant see how she could be allowed to move to atlanta given the fact she has hidden my children for 4 months and the move will not  put her in any better situation then here, especially as far as the children are concerned. so you see I'm in a hole that is way over my head.

[ocean]

Yikes... Okay breath

First, forget about articles about anything. Family court will just want to know what is happening NOW. So you can try and get the emergency hearing for 1. children will not be removed from current school district and 2. father requests emergency temp custody starting this weekend as mother does not have a place to live as of xx date.

If judge wants to you to wait for custody date, then get proof of kids moves, that you tried to contact her, family in different country, bring her status in this country and the fear she will take kids out of country. (any emails, texts of her threatening to take kids back home?).

I never heard that if both parties qualify for legal aid, only one gets it. See if there is another person/lawyer that can take your case in legal aid. Go to their office and talk to a supervisor.

A judge will need a lot of proof from her to take kids out of state. Show that you have family here, kids school, kids activities.

Do you have a court order from last time giving you times to see kids? If you do, call lawyer and say you are following it and want the kids as court ordered on XX date. If she doesn't allow visitation, you can add to the filings , contempt of court on her for not following the visitation plan. She will then have to tell judge why she has not had kids at the assigned times/days. Get proof you were there, police report at the pick up location that kids are not there.

[LosingHope2012]

no court order fromt he august hearing ebcause it didnt happen, when she transferred things to the magistrate the haring dissappeared. The children are almost 5 and  1 n' some change, so no school. I have a fully furnished family house that i have statements that all bills will be paid for and taken care of, and a steady job; with proof of all. I can try to find the documents about her family being solely in indonesia. I have all the immigration documents pertaining to the fact that she cannot stay here. Should I also bring in the paperwork concerning her ability to get an indo passport wiothout my signature? Before I lsot the usage of my lawyer he said there was a chance she might be allowed to move to ATL because she cant support herself here and her "friend" there is offering her a home. I have on more then 1 occassion offered to get another appt at the same cost for her and my step daughter until she either figures somthing out with her visa or leaves the country. I have FB messages she has sent to me threatening to take the girls to indonesia. All that along with the fact she has hidden them from me for this long I cant concieve that a judge/magistrate would allow her to continue to keep me from visitation(yesterday her lawyer offered 2 hours 2 days a week) of any sort, let alone take them to an other state where she could easily remove them from this country with me having no clue for lengths of time; but the lawyer said its possible. sorry my situation is so complex...

[ocean]

Take the 2 hours a week for NOW. Do not sign anything. If the judge asks, you say "I want to see my children and took any offer I could get until we went to trial".

So you NEVER had a court order ever?

Ok, then try to file the emergency order and see if you can get the lawyer.

Your bills being paid, doesnt matter. Get the info on her where her family lives. Offer that the kids stay with you and she can move and visit them. You want to be an involved father.

5 year old should be in school. Find out what school, go with her birth certificate and get copies of school file. See who she put as father, will have her address and emergency contacts. You are entitled to this under federal law as her parent.

Passport- you can put the kids on a watch and wont be given a passport. She needs you to sign the forms in order for kids to get it.  Look here : http://singleparents.about.com/gi/o.htm?zi=1/XJ&zTi=1&sdn=singleparents&cdn=parenting&tm=18&f=10&su=p284.13.342.ip_p504.6.342.ip_&tt=11&bt=0&bts=0&st=37&zu=http%3A//travel.state.gov/abduction/prevention/passportissuance/passportissuance_554.html

[LosingHope2012]

I have already sealed off the ability for her to get a passport for the children. One of the kids has one but i have it locked away. She still has the ability to get them an indonesian passport without my signature all she needs in my passport, birth cert and our marriage license. Unfortunately for me my situation has become even more complicated. Apparently my lawyer cannot get a court hearing in time to drop me, so I will have to go into court with a lawyer that doesnt want to be there. I tried to get an emergency hearing but apparently it just got put on the same docket as the  reg Oct 10th hearing. And in or to get the 2 hours a week,  her lawyer wanted me to sign all kinds of crazy things, and i wasnt about to fall into that trap as i have read so many fathers do. But to make matter even crazier, her lawyer is now putting a motion in that on the 10th when we go into court she is going to request I give my STBX my birth cert, ssn, passport, my daughters passport, and daughters birth cert! All of the required things she needs in order to get my children out of this country. I'm really at a loss now.

[Kitty C.]

He can file a motion for just about anything he or she wants, but that doesn't mean they're gonna get it!  The intimidating thing about our judicial system is that they use words and terms that make the whole thing sound ominous....all a motion is is a request, that's IT.  It is up to the judge to grant the request and, with what they're asking for (with the specifics that they are asking for, you can't get more blatant than that about wanting to leave the country!), I seriously doubt the judge will go for it.  Do NOT take all that with you that day!

The stupid thing is, the BM is just as capable of getting copies of the children's birth certs.....but since she's illegally here anyway, she may not want to deal with any more 'government officials'.  The biggest issue here is her illegal status and intent to flee the country with the kids and that is what you need to hammer home at that hearing.

[ocean]

I was thinking the same thing. The mother can get copies of the birth certificates in the town office where the children were born. Do not hand over anything. Mom can get those copies herself. (play dumb...not sure if I still have a copy but she can get them at town hall).

Also, you can fire your lawyer anytime YOU want. You can hire a new one for the next court date or represent yourself. SO if you do not like this laweyr, tell them that you no longer need there services and withdraw from the case. It may not happen on paper until the next court date but you do NOT have to use that lawyer at next hearing if you are uncomfortable with the. Tell court officer you have new law firm or representing yourself when you get there.

I would never give up your information. No way, no how. You may be forced eventually to give in to the passport but never to give your birth certificate/passport to her. If the judge okays the passport (which prob will not happen since she is not going to be able to come back here) they will okay the american passsport. No reason for her to have your stuff.

Yes, I agree. Leave it all at home the day of court.

[LosingHope2012]

I spoke with the JA for the judge in case, she told me that they have a motion to withdraw the day before the hearing is to take place. I havea fe friend with some high up friends in the legal system and they tried to go otu on a limb for me and ask for some advice/ pro bono stle help, and the answer came back that non of the other lawyers can speak wit me until this lawyer is off the case. So i asked the JA what i could do, and she told me I could sign some things for the lawyer to be released but it wouldnt be legal until the judge signed it on the 9th, meaning i canot have a lawyer speak to me until then? If the judge decides that its un ethical for him to withdraw that close to a hearing and has him stay on for the hearing I'll be represented by somone who doesnt want to be there and hasnt done much to prepare as of this date. I think my username here is starting to become more and more accurate. Everytime i think I know what i need to do i get punched in the mouth from another angle. Sory this post was kinda a rant, but all th advice here has been great any more on how i should handle the newest set of hurdles would be much appreciated.

V/R
Losing Hope