Child missing school

[BeKind]

My ex would like to schedule a last minute trip out of state to visit family this weekend during my scheduled time. His grandfather, our son's great-grandfather, has had health issues for the last few years and has been in and out of the hospital during this time. Apparently recently it seems as though this may be the end. I told him I am willing to allow him to take our son, under certain terms. I asked that he not miss school since I know the flight is really only about an hour out and back, and they will be out visiting in just a few weeks for Christmas as well. Our son just missed a day of school last week due to an ear infection and high fever (kindergarten). I also asked that the make up days be agreed upon ahead of time and that everything is put in writing as well as that I am provided with an itinerary. All of this is standard from our CO.

My question, however, is regarding school. He states that if it were on his time, he could have our son miss school for whatever amount of time and I would have no say in it. We have 50/50 joint physical and legal custody. I understand it is only kindergarten, but I do feel education is very important and have an issue with him not discussing something like that with me prior to. Are there any general rules about this that I should be aware of? Any thoughts or suggestions how to appropriately discuss this with him? As it stands, he is going off on me just about the trip, so I don't plan to bring it up right now, but would like to try to have a discussion with him regarding it in the future when he has calmed down.

[BusyMom]

I have some questions. 

How many days has son missed this year?  Do you have a good relationship with the teacher?  Does your son know his grandfather?

I am a mother of four and step-mother of four. 

If it were me, and your sons father is in his life, I'd say your son should go, even if it means missing school.  You said yourself the grandfather is gravely ill.  How so you know he will still be able to see him in two weeks.

I'm a stickler for school, but the death of a grandparent is not the same as a trip to go do something fun.

[tigger]

My boys had a family tradition of going to the first day of the state fair with the grandmother and distant cousins (the grandfather's first cousin, his wife and their granddaughter).  Allowing them to miss school depended on what grade they were in and how they were doing in their classes.  Sometimes they missed the whole day, sometimes only a half day, sometimes they had to wait until school was out. 

Education IS important, however, look at the time of the year.  Kids aren't really learning anything right now. They are already in vacation mode.  I would suggest allowing the child to go, however later on have a discussion with the father about the importance of school and that you just want both of you to be on the same page because if you take the child out of school for 11 days "because you can" and he does the same, then the child has missed 22 days and must repeat the grade.