Father falsely accused of child sexual abuse!!!

[sunlitbeauty]

Hello,

I am a father who lives in British Columbia (Canada) who has been falsely accused of sexual abuse of
my now 9 year old daughter who lives with my mother.
I am a retired Veteran of the Canadian Forces who lives on a limited pension.
I support my wife and three children (excluding my 9 year old daughter), aged 6yrs, 3yrs and 1 yrs old.
I do not have money due to my limited income for the services of an attorney,
and my mother is denying access to my daughter at present.
Are there any advocates in Canada that could help me with this situation?
I do not believe that it is in the best interests of my daughter to not be able to see me.
This is not the first time that my mom has disobeyed a court order, and denied access.
It is my hope that there might be an advocate out there that could help me with this delicate situation.

[tigger]

Where's the biomom?  How did your mom get custody?  How long has she had it?  What's her relationship like with your other three children?  Has she accused you officially?  (Meaning is there a report and child protective services (or Canadian equivalent) involved?)

[DadsCrushed]

I'm in the States but has something officially been submitted. Is there a Petition for a Temporary Protective Order? Did she go to protective services? If an Order was filed a case needs to be heard within 7 days normally. If she went to protective services is there a report? I hate to say this but this is a game and you will need to play this out until it gets tossed. If the mother filed a protective order or went to protective services she can refuse you visitation until this is resolved. If the mother did not file or go to services and refuses to hand over the child file a contempt case. Just because the mother says something does not make it factual

[sunlitbeauty]

The incident was submitted to protective services (Called The Ministry of Children and Families up here in Canada), and it was immediately dismissed by them. There was never an order, nor an investigation. This would probably be due to the fact that nothing has ever occurred of this nature between myself and my daughter. As I stated, I have three other children that I live with with my wife of 7 years. My other daughter would never say anything of this nature about me, as I am a very loving father and I have never abused my children. I have abused myself in doing back breaking work in order to support my family (12 hours shifts doing concrete hi-rise forming, ie. building towers) out of love for my kids to be able to have a good life, and to have the things that they need. I joined the military after the recession back in 2008 destroyed any chance I had of employment as a Journeyman Carpenter. I was injured while serving in the Canadian Forces, and I now live on a very limited income to support my wife and four children with. This issue came up around Christmas, and my oldest daughter has not received her presents to this date, and I am afraid to the amount of brainwashing that my mother (her grandmother) is subjecting her to.
I am afraid that if this is allowed to go too far, that my other three kids may lose access to me, their loving father. I have read about cases where the judge has decided to remove access in family court even when no clear evidence of a sexual offence is present. I served my country, had my livelihood taken away from me due to the severe nature of my injury(chronic pain in my lower back and left leg, which is partially paralyzed, plus three compressed discs from my military service), and now I am having the one thing threatened that I value more than anything else...access to my children, and their right to have their father, a true family man, taken away from them!

[tigger]

Posting under several posts will not get you any more information than posting it once. I understand you're frustrated and scared but multiple posts with the same questions will only result in people having to read several posts to get the full story.  Okay answer the following questions:

1) Why was your mom awarded custody?
2) In what year was your mom awarded custody?
3) Where is the Biological mother of the child and why is she not in the picture?
You said that you've been with your wife for 7 years.  That would make the child 2 when you remarried. So,
4) Did you go for custody of the 9 year old after your marriage? and if so, what prevented it from happening?
5) Is there a court order outlining your visitation with the child?

[sunlitbeauty]

My mom was never awarded custody. My daughter stayed with her only because I allowed it. I take responsibility for that; although, it does not change my present circumstances. I am posting multiple times because people do not read every single thing in here, and yes, I am desperate for help, as my family is in jeapordy!
Where are the resorces for fathers who are falsely accused of such sick things?
I have yet to find any at all that exist!
The mother is not in the picture for very good reason...she is not even allowed access to her other children.
My situation is not uncommon up here in BC. We live in a very sexist society where a father is deemed incapable of caring for a child. I remember all the scrutiny that I underwent when I was raising my infant child as a single father.
Us fathers are more capable than people give us credit for. What about those of us fathers who get up every two hours to help change and feed our babies (four times over for me now), and still get up for work in the morning to do back breaking labour to make sure our children are provided for? Who are the real abusers here?
Not us fathers who spend time with our family rather than a night at the pub, or a weekend fishing/hunting trip with our buddies...ie "an excuse to get drunk".
I spend all of my free time with my family, because everything that I do is for my family! Where is the justice for fathers like me? I have yet to see it in practise.
The law says that we are supposed to be innocent until proven guilty...NOT SO if you are accused of sexually abusing your child...YOU ARE guilty until proven innocent! That is reality! Can anyone out there help me, or are my kids going to be screwed out of a life with a loving, caring father who would do anything for his children???

Does this answer your "questions"? And why do you have the right to tell me who I can or cannot post replies to???

[ocean]

Wow!!
Breathe!!!
Tigger has been on this site for over 10 years and most of us have been. There are different boards so you post on the most appropriate one and can read about others. Everyone sees the new posts and we do not need to read it multiple times.

Most of us on here have dealt with the USA court system. If child is residing in Canada at the moment, you should be looking up Canadian laws. If it is anything like the US, there is very little info and support for fathers. If your mother has child but not custody, who has custody on paper now?

Little rude to people who try to help each other, breathe and we may be able to help a little but like I said, you need to call a lawyer in Canada to see what was last done in court and file the correct paperwork.

[tigger]

Does this answer your "questions"? And why do you have the right to tell me who I can or cannot post replies to???

Not all of them.

I didn't tell you who you can or cannot post replies to. I gave you advice on why doing so wasn't going to be helpful. I'll bow out of this thread as you see me as an adversary rather than someone trying to help.

[sunlitbeauty]

Wow!!
Breathe!!!
Tigger has been on this site for over 10 years and most of us have been. There are different boards so you post on the most appropriate one and can read about others. Everyone sees the new posts and we do not need to read it multiple times.

Most of us on here have dealt with the USA court system. If child is residing in Canada at the moment, you should be looking up Canadian laws. If it is anything like the US, there is very little info and support for fathers. If your mother has child but not custody, who has custody on paper now?

Little rude to people who try to help each other, breathe and we may be able to help a little but like I said, you need to call a lawyer in Canada to see what was last done in court and file the correct paperwork.

It is easy for you to say "breathe" when you are not the one being accused of sexually abusing your daughter!
There is no worse crime for a man to be accused of.
As I already stated, I do not have money for a lawyer, as my Wife and Four young children live on my military pension which barely covers the bills. We are fighting desperately to get out of debt left over from the recession as is.
I cannot afford a lawyer, which is why I am reaching out for help.
Even though my mom does not have custody on paper, the police do not care. They tell me to sort it out in family court. they do not want to be involved in a custody dispute.
But they WILL be involved if these false allegations manifest any further...I have seen it happen!
I have everything to risk here, and everything to lose.
So if you truly are here to help, you will understand that I am drowning right now, and I am constantly forgetting to breathe because I am suffocating. Thank you so much for the unwavering support of a father in crisis!

[sunlitbeauty]

Does this answer your "questions"? And why do you have the right to tell me who I can or cannot post replies to???

Not all of them.

I didn't tell you who you can or cannot post replies to. I gave you advice on why doing so wasn't going to be helpful. I'll bow out of this thread as you see me as an adversary rather than someone trying to help.

I do not see you as an adversary. My main concern here is the false allegations of child sexual abuse toward my daughter. Once that is sorted, I can manage the custody stuff without being in a big panic. Up until now things had not been perfect, and I was doing my best to keep things out of court, yet protecting my daughter at the same time.
I was the one who originally had to fight to have my daughter taken out of foster care when she was taken away from the mother by social services due to concerns about my daughter's mom. My daughter was just a baby at the time. You have no idea how hard I had to fight to get full custody, which took all the way until my daughter was one years old to have her fully taken out of foster care. I can give you the full story around that whole issue if you like.
I had to remove my daughter from my mom's place where I was staying while attending University Full-Time due to safety issues with my violent younger brother who was 23 at the time. Social services ignored my concerns, and my mom actually kidnapped my daughter from daycare while I was at work!
I was offered by the RCMP to go and get my daughter with their help; however, I just could not go through with it.
I did not want to see my mom go to jail for kidnapping. I was young and confused. I made a huge mistake by not standing up to my mom back then, and now I am paying for it dearly. She is in government subsidized family housing ONLY because my daughter is living with her. If my daughter stops living with her, my mom will be forced to leave her life on easy street where she get a 2BDRM townhouse to herself for only $1000/month.
Normally something like that is around $1500-$2000/month around here.
Did I screw up? Yes, I admit I did.
But do I deserve to go to jail for a crime that I did not commit because my mom wants absolute control of my child???