Help

[gvasquez]

Good afternoon,


I would like to speak to a professional about my situation with my 13 year old. I have been divorced for several
years and have been an involved non-custodial parent but I have not been able to have contact with my daughter. Please provide me a number where.  I can reach you and i will call you back.

Thank you,

[MixedBag]

We're not "professionals" -- just normal parents like you who want to help or get help.

So....no phone number available to call.

BUT feel free to post questions away and we'll do our best to come up with a course of action.

Like -- do you know where your daughter is?

How far away from you is she?

How long has it been since you've seen her?

And exactly -- like pull out the decree -- what does your decree say about time with her?

[Waylon]

gvasquez,

That's not how we work here. This isn't a law firm, nor do we provide advice over the phone. Sorry.

I would like to speak to a professional about my situation with my 13 year old. I have been divorced for several
years and have been an involved non-custodial parent but I have not been able to have contact with my daughter. Please provide me a number where.  I can reach you and i will call you back.

Thank you,

[gvasquez]

If anyone reading my post, has; or is experiencing something similar and have any input, I would like to hear it.  Thanks again for responding

Thanks for replying.  Gratifying to see other parents get "together" in these forums.  Yesterday, I responded to the answers I received, but today when I logged in to check, I did not see my posting, so here I will try again.  I am not sure what happened.  As you can tell, I am new to this site and learning how it works.

In few words.  For a long time, I have been trying to find a way to change my current situation with my daughter and work to have an amicable relationship with my X but I have not been successful.  Long story short...I married in 1995 and divorced in 2002 and my X and I separated in 2001.  I am a Colombian National with US citizenship.  My daughter was born in Bogota, Colombia.  Six months after she was born my daughter and X moved back to USA. I remained in Colombia and traveled to USA constantly from 2001 through 2003 to see my daughter.  In Feb 2004, I returned to US to be closer to my daughter.  I lived in the US from 2004 through 2011 when I was transferred back to Colombia.  I am currently living in Bogota, Colombia and my daughter lives in North Carolina with my X.  I have never pursuit legal advice or hire a lawyer, as I have always thought, this would end up affecting my daughter.  For years, I have been a supportive; involved non-custodial parent to my daughter, I have been supportive and responsible with financial support for school and monthly expenses, and more importantly, keep presence, and love to my daughter.

I'm 42 today and tired of all these years of feeling empty regarding this situation.  Since my divorced, I have had 2 meaningful relationships, with extraordinary people and all have ended badly.  The only hypothesis I always come to, is the immense emptiness I feel of not having a relationship with my daughter.  I feel impotent and I have no idea how to make things different and stop this feeling of alienation my X has created for me with my daughter.  I have zero healthy communication with my X.  I keep contact with my daughter through SMS, I write to her daily, call her weekly, but the responses are always few and far between and very inconsistent.   I have never received a call from daughter; not for a bday, for father's day, or just to check...hey dad, how are you? 

Every time I traveled to US, I have to "visit" my daughter in presence of my X.
In my last visit to US (last December) we agreed with my X (if you can call it that) to have a schedule of calls weekly, but it worked for a week then it went away.  If I get a SMS from my daughter, is usually apologetic and always telling me that she is very busy and has no time.  Her "I love you" usually come preceded by a...hey day, are you going to pay for my school this year.  Early during the year, I sent an email to my X, proposing parenting time with my daughter for her bday (coming up in April), a week's vacation in the summer and Xmas time.  My X responded saying that NO, that I can come visit and that my X would have to be present and that my daughter had told her that she was not ready to spend time with me alone.

My daughter is receiving a healthy and good education and her mother is a good person.  But as it relates to me, my X has alienated my daughter from my family and me.  I have no idea how to change this.  The times I visit, I have asked her in front of her mother how she feels about all this, and she just shrugs her shoulders and immediately looks to her mother to fill in the blanks.   I know the place my daughter has in my heart, and I want to help her find the space so we can have a decent relationship but her mother has completely clouded that space.  As her father, this affects me and probably will affect her, as she grows older.

If anyone reading my post, has; or is experiencing something similar and have any input, I would like to hear it.  Thanks again for responding

[ocean]

My guess is ex is very afraid you will take child out of country if you took her for a visit. Legally, you could. Until you have court papers, this will not change. You would have to file in county in NC that daughter lives. You can offer your ex one last time and visitation/custody plan with child support or you will take it to court. You can file for custody papers yourself and file or have a lawyer do it for you.

You will get dates and times that you see daughter. It may have to be only in this country but not with ex there.

Teenagers do not talk to parents. They do not text adults, especially parents. They are into their friends. Try to text her right after school when ex may not be near her. Keep trying. Soon she will not be under mom's control. Offer to have a friend come with her to your house or have a friend stay at a hotel with you guys in the US (get joining rooms).

[MixedBag]

ditto to all that and and and....Is your daughter on facebook?  That's also a great way to interact with teens....and young adults...and each other.