Child Custody

[m72561]

I am hoping that this forum will provide me with valuable info in my quest to get custody of my 11 year old son, 9 years ago my ex decided that she not interested in being married or the idea of counseling to try to save the marraige.At that time when I was kicked to the curb with only 10k a truck payment ,no place to live and A child support payment,I figured he was in a much better off living with her at the time .I have called him every night for 9 years  and driven to every one of his events over this course of time.I think Ive missed 2 baseball games in 4 years,I live 60 miles from my son.I started My own business and  willingly, without court Order have been paying my Ex an extra 145.00 per month for child support,Because I did the numbers on the state Calculator and decided it was the right thing to do.My relationship with her is only good when I give her every dime that she asks for,which I've only said no to her Once in 8 years.( she said My son needed a 1000.00 bed when he was 8,)She and Her mother Constantly Bad mouth me in front of my son,and use threats or yell at him to get their way.He has expressed His desire to come live with me,and Since she is taking me to court to get more Child support ,I thought this was the time to go for Custody.  I welcome any and all suggsetions.There is more to this nightmare story ,But I thought this was a good start

[Sherry1]

change of circumstances.  He wanting more child support and bad mouthing you is not a substantial change of circumstances.  In most states judges will listen to the wishes of the children when they are 14-15 years old.  An 11 year old does not fall into this category.  Child support will be based on her income and your income and your visitation overnight schedule with your son.   The extra child support you have been sending will more then likely be viewed as a gift by the courts.

It might be a good idea to hire a lawyer after she files for more child support.

[CustodyIQ]

If you want a change of custody, you'll have to demonstrate with clear and convincing evidence as to why it's critical for your child's best interest to change custody.

The status quo arrangement is presumed to be the best arrangement, unless evidence shows it is detrimental to the child's welfare.

If you have evidence that the mother and grandmother are bad-mouthing you, that's relevant evidence, but it may not be enough to change custody.

Rather than changing custody, you may wish to modify the parenting plan at this time.

It's less of a burden to convince a judge that more time in Dad's home is good for the kid.

Given the facts you've outlined, and assuming you've left out no relevant information, you'd likely have a better chance at modifying the parenting schedule than trying to change custody altogether.

The only thing that seems suspect is the timing.  Are you retaliating against the mother's requst for more child support?  It seems so.

Incidentally, if you're already paying more than any court order requires for child support, you'll be pleased (and the mother not) when the judge orders child support that is far less than what you claim you've been paying... and then you merely pay that amount from now on.

[m72561]

on the timing issue ,what would your advice be.Should I settle the child support issue First ,Then go for the custody. I will get my lawyers advice on that when I meet her Tomorrow.The main reason I'm going for the custody at this time is becuase my son is 100% sure he wants to make the change.I have always told he would have to be 100% sure and be able to deal with the consequences of His mothers wrath once she found out in order for me to even to  try getting custody.

[CustodyIQ]

I suggest that you not put your son in the middle to bear this immense stress.

That's exactly where you've put him, forcing him to be the ultimate decision-maker as to your actions.

The more responsible parent would listen to the child's expressions, and then decide when it's right to act on it-- rather than instructing the child to make the decision.

[Sherry1]

that custody evaluators, lawyers, etc. are said and done, and you still might lose.  You are putting your son in the middle of this, is it worth it at the end?  

[mistoffolees]

Or much more than that. I've heard of some well into the tens of thousands of dollars.

The entire process would go much easier if they'd make both partners take Valium before negotiating. :-)

That way, at least, they'd keep the bitterness and hatred out of the discussion and reduce the need for some of these drawn out battles that no one ever wins.

[wysiwyg]

we are up to 92,000 and in March will be 13 years.  I have every receipt to prove the cost.  There have been three attorney's for each party, a GAL, 2 PHd's, a custody evaluator and an attorney/mediator, and three judges.

[mistoffolees]

OUCH!

I guess the good news is that if you're up to 13 years, there can't be too many more left. 18th birthday will be like paying off your mortgage.

I hope the kids get you nice fathers'/ mothers' day presents (sorry, I can't tell which one you are from your signature).

[wysiwyg]

we are up to 16 here, however in our state CS is 21 if the child is in college.

Ummmmm, BM has figured a way to intimidate the child, we were denied last Christmas and this fathers day, and many weekends in between becasue she signs the child up for things on BF's weekend, and the child is not availalbe when we go to get him, she is an admitted abuser - admitted to the judge and in court records she physically abused my husbandand her family  and we have hospital / dr's reports to back that up.  Gifts?  Never not even a phone call - email letter card, nothing from the child.