State Custody,- Child Support Issues

[Stressed out MoM]

Hello
I have quite a long story so please bare with me in my search for some knowledge and help. I have 4 children. I'm a single mom. I am educated . I'm a nurse and I am broke. Heres the story. I had been married twice. First husband left for an 18 year old and the second just left. ( reasons why we split is not important.
I have twins by my first husband both age 15 now. The two younger children 9 and 12 are very well taken care of and supported by their dad and I.

This all has to do with my first husband and my twin boy's. I have legal custody of three of my children. One of my twins and of course my younger two children. For privacy sake I will name my twins Aboy and Bboy.

The twins lived with me and I had sole custody until they were 11 years old. I was the basic soccer mom until I divorced my second husband. They were in Karate , baseball, basketball, football, band, you name it. I tried to keep them busy and well adjusted.

Things went bad when I got divorced. I am a nurse but at the time I was unemployed. I was left with four children , no job a house being forclosed on and no where to live.

I got a job. I have been there for almost 7 years now. I found an apartment which my father cosigned so I could get since I didn't have good credit with my house being for closed on. I had two problems solved . A place to live and a job. Things were ok for awhile. I was seperated from my husband ( second ) for a year before we got divorced and because of bitterness we had a nasty court battle over our children which all came out good. We have joint custody and neither of us pay support and we take care of our children equally. He is a very good father.

After that nasty court battle and legal issues. My first ex husband decided to hit me while I was down. I am by means no angel but my second husband, I can give credit to for at least pulling himself together and being an awesome dad to his children. The first ex husband I can not say he is.
Hes been married three times . Had numerous relationships. Live in girlfriends are like the changing of his underwear. He is living with his newest one now. I have not remarried. I do not have men living with me, Nor do I present myself in that manner. I have always tried to give my children stability.

He talked my 11 year olds into living with him ( I should say wanting to live with him ) . He had more money. No other children to financially burden him and of course his present girlfriend at the time was high maintainance.
He decided I was a bad mother and decided to sue for custody. His reasons were obviously his own motives to stop paying child support.

During the issues. I asked my two boy's what they wanted. Both of them told me they wanted to live with their dad. I felt these feelings had been brainwashed into their heads but I felt the right thing to do at that time was to let two boys be with their father because of their need for him. We ended up doing joint custody. He had them during the school year and I during the summer. I payed the child support.

Remember they were 11 when they went to live with their dad. They are 15 now. At age thirteen Aboy started having big problems. He was getting into fights. His grades were bad. He was angry all the time. He was self mutilating himself ( cutting himself ) He was experimenting with drugs. He was obsessed with one girl that he lived near. He started getting into fights with his father. He became very unruly.

This lead to numerous hospital visits, Phsiciatrist, medications, and wrong diagnosis This all happening while he was thirteen years old. During the time with his dad. Aboy pulled a knife on his father. His dad called the police on him for several things. He was arrested for assault, running from police, Battery, Vandalism. Weof course ended up in court and Aboy was put on probation at the age of 13 and he was required to do community service.

Aboy would not do anything he was told by his father. He was mostly good while he was with me with an occasional outburst. With what his father had been telling me about the things he was doing at his fathers house while in his care. I became a little frightened of my son. I was not afraid at this point of him until later on. He had never hit me. He had never treated me with disrespect except for the occasional typical pre pubesant teenage outburst. They diagnosed him with bipolar. His dads only disipline was to call the police every time. He had medication he was supposed to take which was often ignored by his dad. When I would meet him to pick Aboy up for visits he had forgotten to bring his meds 90 percent of the time.

Aboy missed most of his visits with his probation officer and his community service. This lead to court and a judge sentencing him to states custody. The judge would not let me take him into my care because of my younger two children. He (the judge ) decided it was too dangerous for him to be in my home with them. My son was handcuffed and chained and taken into juvenile until placed in an appropriate behavioral facility.

He was in states custody for a year. The father and I both paid ungodly amounts of child support. The state decided after numerous reviews and visits to a place over 2 hours away and one phone call every other week for 10 mins, a pass maybe once or twice a month, that he would be better in my care.

He came home with me and he was a different boy. He was respectful. He tried to please everyone. He was the perfect son. He was then 14 years old and met a girl. He became very attached to her.

He had three different medications to take. I kept these in the kitchen. One day after he and his brother came home from school I ordered pizza for us. He came in from being outside with his friend and this girl he had met. He seemed quiet but that wasn't unusual for him. I asked if he was ok. He said yes and I asked him if he wanted some pizza. He said yes I gave it to him. I had been in my room while he went back outside. I went into the kitchen to get a drink and I noticed the untouched pizza on the table. I noticed opened packets of medication wrappers all over the counter. I felt my heart sink. All I could think was , No he couldn't have. He seemed fine. He seemed quiet but happy. He had been seeing his conciler we had dcs people at our house two or three times a week and they visited his school.
We were doing what we were supposed to be doing. I couldn't believe this was happening.

I went outside looking for him. I asked everyone where he was. I was told he was on the basketball court. Two boys I had asked where he was found him throwing up on the basketball court. By the time we got him up the stairs. ( Hes 5'9 and 150 pounds ) He fell to the floor he couldn't talk he kept throwing up. I knew he had overdosed. We gave him milk and called 911. He was blue and unresponsive and I was in a complete stat of frantic shock screaming and crying. Yes I am a mom and a nurse. I couldn't handle this happening to my own son.

He was life flighted to a hospital. They told me he was going to die. He did not. he came out of it alive. Without any known harm. Thank god.

DCS was notified. Every precaution was taken to keep him from doing this again. I locked up his meds. I kept his Dr's appointments. DCS and Youth Villages kept visiting and checking on him. I was investigated by DCS. They said it was standard procedure...... I of course came out fine.

I forgot to mention. During the year Aboy was in a behavioral facility. Bboy returned to live with me.

.....Back after a disconnection I apologize.

The Dcs visits continued and Aboy remained in my custody. After his suicide attempt he was taken off 2 meds and left on one. He was the again completely different. He was angry again and cussing me out and was angry at me for what he says saving his life. He wasnt the respectful boy he was before . He turned into the person he was before he was released from states custody. The father was denied visits and wasn't allowed to see him unless supervised. This all lead to me being in fear of leaving him while I went to work. A nurse has to work 12 hour shifts at most jobs.

This left me worrying and him alone while his siblings were with their father. Worse thing to do is leave a suicidal angry boy alone, I know. I had no one to stay with him and he was 15 ( that age of rebellion ) He didn't want to be treated like a child. I had my mom and dad check on him. I did everything I could to keep him safe. I tried to keep him happy. I lived in total fear the whole time he was with me. There are reasons for this. He was very violent towards me after his suicide attempt. I kept this from DCS workers and case managers because I loved him and did not want him to go back.

One night when I had gotten off work. I came home to his boredom and his anger. He was mad at me for being tired and not taking him to his girlfriends house. I had to be at work the next morning for another 12 hour shift. I feel guilty I didn't take him now.

I got his pills for him and told him to take them ) His night dose that he was supposed to take. Then Aboy and I argued because he started smoking. I forgot to lock the pills back up. After the argument , I thought he was calmed down. He told me good night and it seemed what was a little normal in our un normal lives. He came into my room and asked me for some tylenol be cause he had a headache. ( Little did I know this was one of the side effects from him taking ALL of his pills ) He just acted tired. It was around 10pm. He went back to the living room. About 15 mins later. I hear a crash and what sounded like a fall. I ran to my son who again tried to commit suicide and called 911. They again told me hes critical he may not make it.

He did survive again. He was angry with me again for not letting him die. Those were his words. I asked him why and he said he couldn't handle the pain. He never can seem to tell anyone what this pain is or even know what it is. I called his case manager and made him aware. His first words to me were . "Thats it hes going back into custody" .

DCS told me that they would do what the hospital recommended for his care. He was seen by the judge the very next morning after his release from the hospital and back into custody he went. DCS did not do what they had promised. They put him in a level 3 foster group home. He didn't even see a doctor until 2 months after he was there. The place he is in now is 3 hours away.

I got angry. I confronted dcs about their lies and their " Oh our doctors are just as good as Vanderbilt's .

Now I and the father are giving the state the max possible the state can take out your paycheck for child support. Hes not getting real help. And I get visitation.

I need advice. I make 16 dollars an hour. I pay rent food water and child support and gas for my car. I barely have enough to live and sometimes not even that. I don't buy myself clothes. I don't even get my hair done. I'm not spending money carelessly. I am only being told to get another job.

Why is it when DCS gets custody of your child.... that the parents are treated bad? I didn't do anything. I haven't even ever been arrested! I never saw a court room until I had my son.

Why are they refusing to give him the treatment that could possibly diagnose him right instead of putting him in a foster home for troubled boy's and he talks to a consoler once a week?

They had people in my house every day! I do not understand. Then when I got upset about them not doing what they would say and I got upset about him being in a place for over a year and he tries suicide. I get told If I say anything bad about dcs they will make sure I don't get my son back?

How do I go about at least getting them to do what they said they would ( getting my son diagnosed correctly ) How do I get this child support reduced to a reasonable amount so that I and my other 3 children are not suffering because we have to eat ramon noodles?

I'm so frustrated and maybe an objective person could help me out.

Thanks for reading

 

[full toolbox]

 I read your story and even though I cant give you the advice you need to hear, I do know someone that has been in your shoes before and made it out just fine after a very rocky road. I will pass on your story and see if they can help.

                                      Hang in there!