What can I do?

[itsybitsy09]

Hi. I live in Georgia and have a beautiful son with an EX I can't stand. We were never married but he did sign the birth certificate and paternity acknowledgement. We broke up in July 2012, and he constantly harasses me. I was told I don't have to let the father see the child, but me and the EX's parents get along, and I let them see my kid. Can the father choose to keep the child away from me ? If so, what can I do to get the child back?

[BusyMom]

Why don't you want your child to see his father? 

And why would he keep your child from you? 

You basically ask about keeping the child away from his father, but then you want to know what to do if he keeps your child from you?

How old are all of you?

[ocean]

Father has rights, as he is one of the child's parents too. If you choose not to allow the child near him, the courts can make you and make a court ordered schedule. It would be best to work with dad and come up with a schedule that works for both of you. Fathers can parent their child and should be able to. The child was not part of your break up and deserves both parents and grandparents in their life.

If you do not want the courts involved, work with him. Or either parent can ask the courts to make a parenting plan. Fathers get over night visits, vacation weeks, summer visits, holidays and weekly time ordered by the judge. Maybe both of you can go to a mediator to help you come up with a schedule. Then his parents would see child on his time.

[itsybitsy09]

I never said I don't WANT my son to see his father, I was informed in the state I reside, that my right as a mother is that I wouldn't have to let my son visit with his father. I'm kinda stating this in a way that a single mother or legal advice giver could maybe verify this.
My EX would try to keep my son away if he was in his custody because he knows it would hurt me. This is why I'm asking if he could legally do this?
And no offense, I don't see how age really matters, but we are both in our early 20's.


Thank you Ocean, we haven't gone to court yet so there hasn't been any visitation set up other than when we just agree on days, court is possibly our next step though.

[ocean]

If child went on visit, he would not be able to keep child. You can file papers in family court custody and visitation (parenting papers). This will detail who has custody when. Most courts say joint legal custody, meaning- you both make major decisions about child (school, major surgery). Then the courts will make a parenting schedule on when child goes with which parent.

The judge will ask you why you are witholding child from father. Until you two can become better co parents, a court order schedule would probably be best for a little while. Then you can always switch times/days if you both agree down the line. Try to always put child first. Someone said on here a long time ago, "Love your child more than you hate your ex". Child needs both families (unless there is abuse/neglect to child). Try not to say anything about the other parent in front of child as they hear and pick up on everything. Allow them to love the their other family. The more people that love child the better. They may not parent the way you want but he has the right to raise his child too. There are co-parenting classes that maybe he is willing to take with you (library, family court house, ask for a list).

Good luck, you have many many years ahead of you.

[BusyMom]

I never said I don't WANT my son to see his father, I was informed in the state I reside, that my right as a mother is that I wouldn't have to let my son visit with his father. I'm kinda stating this in a way that a single mother or legal advice giver could maybe verify this.
My EX would try to keep my son away if he was in his custody because he knows it would hurt me. This is why I'm asking if he could legally do this?
And no offense, I don't see how age really matters, but we are both in our early 20's.


Thank you Ocean, we haven't gone to court yet so there hasn't been any visitation set up other than when we just agree on days, court is possibly our next step though.

I should have been clearer, I was wondering mainly how old the child was (were you talking an infant or an 8 year old...) 

As long as I have been on this board, I've never heard of a state that has a rule that a mother can withhold a child for visitation.  So I think the answer from most people here would be that someone gave you some incorrect information. 

Ocean's description is pretty much right on as to how most states operate.  There are of course subtle differences in all the states, and even within counties of the same state.  So in some ways it is hard for anyone to give you concrete advise as to how things will go in your state. 

Ocean gave you some good advice about not putting your child in the middle.  Have to be honest, your posts give off the vibe that you do want to cut out the father from your child.  When you make comments like "my right as a mother is that I wouldn't have to let my son visit with his father", well, it sound like you don't want him to see his father. 

I'm both a divorced mother of my own children, and step mother to my now husband's children.  We've heard and seen it all on this board.  I know it is hard to co-parent with someone who is a jerk, but that "jerk" is still your child's parent.  And children like growing up with love for both their parents.  You don't say how old your child is, but I am going to guess very young.  As Ocean said, you have many years ahead of you.  The best thing you can do is try as much as you can in these early years to work WITH your ex on a good parenting plan.  That is going to help your child more than anything if you work with your ex.  And not all Ex's are capable of co-parenting.  But YOU don't want to be the one that is causing the problem, you want to be the one that is working hard to show your child they can love and spend both times with both parents.

Come up with a parenting plan.  What are the days you want to have the child with you, what days do you want the father to spend taking of his child.  Put it ALLLLLL in writing.  Even how and when the child will be exchanged between the parents.

Have you spoken with an attorney?  If you can work together, you can come up with a plan and get an attorney to finalize it with the courts.   For the most part, judges will always allow time with both parents, so it would be in your best interest to make the first move.  Try and talk to your ex, or if there is a family member or friend you can both trust, see if they will help the two of you get the ball rolling. 

I know of someone with a now 11 year old who has NEVER been to court, her and her son's father (they were never married) have ALWAYS, from day one, worked together to parent their child.  It amazes me how well they get along.  I wouldn't say they are best of friends, but they always work together to make sure both parents are involved and that their child is allowed to love both of them.  Your child will be old enough to realize they are a "prize" and that will put them in a horrible situation.  You don't want to do that to your child.