Money question

[ocean]

This is exactly what happens especially in NY and many other states.  50/50 is usually never given at trial, at hearings when you agree or just agreed from the start. Even with shared 50/50, one parent can be forced to pay child support to keep both houses pretty equal.

They have child support calculators on the internet and on the nys child support site. 

Look at it this way. If you had a court order to pay $100 a month but did extra because you wanted to, that is a gift even if it went directly to child for something. Judge can not give you credit for what you do outside the court order.

Technically, you do not have to pay for anything if money is not ordered right now. Then, mom could go to court and ask for half of schooling as you did in the past (hoping she does not touch custody). Since she has proof, you paid all these years, it shows you could afford it, look at the numbers, and give you both a percentage to pay for schooling. You could try to prove why you can not afford it anymore and child should go to public school or mom pay for it.

If you bring it to court, same as above, still hoping that custody does not come into play. Teens are rough and many times kids want to stay at one house with friends and not be with either parent. Then they get a little older and start jobs/school sports/activities that interfere with the schedule. Need to be flexible and try to co-parent, otherwise child could play one parent against the other and has say in court on where they want their primary residence to be.

Good luck, sounds like you have not been in the halls of family court in a while...not pretty and not fair. You can go sit in hall and just observe what goes on there (all meetings are in hall,you know everyone's story before you leave, mini TV show...).

[OneMan]

 

Look at it this way. If you had a court order to pay $100 a month but did extra because you wanted to, that is a gift even if it went directly to child for something. Judge can not give you credit for what you do outside the court order.

Technically, you do not have to pay for anything if money is not ordered right now. Then, mom could go to court and ask for half of schooling as you did in the past (hoping she does not touch custody). Since she has proof, you paid all these years, it shows you could afford it, look at the numbers, and give you both a percentage to pay for schooling. You could try to prove why you can not afford it anymore and child should go to public school or mom pay for it.

If you bring it to court, same as above, still hoping that custody does not come into play. Teens are rough and many times kids want to stay at one house with friends and not be with either parent. Then they get a little older and start jobs/school sports/activities that interfere with the schedule. Need to be flexible and try to co-parent, otherwise child could play one parent against the other and has say in court on where they want their primary residence to be.

Good luck, sounds like you have not been in the halls of family court in a while...not pretty and not fair. You can go sit in hall and just observe what goes on there (all meetings are in hall,you know everyone's story before you leave, mini TV show...).

Yeah, that's an interesting idea. Go to the court and observe. It's a question of finding the time. But you're right--it's been forever since I've dealt with legal stuff. When I stopped by my lawyer's recently to get some advice, she pulled out my file and was shocked that it was so thin. She said that after all these years most clients' files are much thicker, containing all sorts of actions, I guess.

I would have no problem being able to show income decline in spite of my best efforts.  In fact, I have continued to pay equally even after my income declined. This is because it's important for me to support my child equally. But if it gets to the point where the money just isn't there and I'm hocking things to keep things equal, I think that's a little bit extreme...especially when the other party lives nicely and takes expensive vacations.

I get what you say about courts. As they say, "If you want justice, you don't go to family court." But for me, this is a more nuts and bolts situation. Or it may be. Hopefully my income gets back wear it was, and this is no longer a problem.

As far as the custody/child preference thing, when one parent deliberately tries to play the child so the child is less with the other parent as some form of punishment or retaliation--I really have no response. And that's what I will gladly tell a judge. Furthermore, if the logic behind maintaining long-standing support levels is based on continuity of the status quo, then the same applies to custody arrangements. To change a custody agreement that has worked effectively for all these years would require a significant change in circumstance no matter what the ups and downs of parental income are in the matter of paying for private school. By the same token, I could make a change in custody request because daughter is older now and try to talk her into going along with me. Leaving aside the psychological damage that would cause, I don't see a judge going along with that after all these years.

I wish "co-parenting," as you say, could actually happen. I stopped banging my head on the wall about that years ago. It was harming my head. I don't know about other women, but this woman doesn't do co-parenting. All the appeals in the world fall on deaf ears. It's ridiculous and it is not going to change. But I agree with you..in an ideal world.