Emergency Transfer Of Custody?

[Dave Bender]

Hello. I'm trying to help my girlfriend out with some type of advice on what she needs to do. She has three children, the oldest being a girl who is 11. Observing the interactions of her children for some time, it would seem to me that her oldest is possible bipolar as she displays extreme emotional swings.

Her ex was abusive during their marriage (both mentally and physically) and it seems to me that the oldest, having witness this abuse for a number of years, treats her mother in much the same way her ex did. After much talk, it was decided that the child go to therapy. For the record, the ex has never been abusive to the children and the children do not have a problem with him.

The last few days, the oldest child has seem to have gone off the rails. She had threaten to throw her one sibling (who is 7) down a flight of stairs. The same day she repeatedly stabbed her other sibling with a pencil. Today it has gone over the top and now I actually fear for my girlfriends safety and the safety of the other two children. While my girlfriend was driving the children to school, the 11 year old started hitting my girlfriend and tried repeatedly to grab the steering wheel to pull the car off the road into the woods.

This girl needs help. The abuse my girlfriend has been going through at the hands of her daughter has reached a breaking point. My girlfriend has reached out to her ex in an effort for him to take custody of the child. He hasn't responded to the situation at all. I am not sure he understands the gravity of the situation. My girlfriend is afraid of what will happen later today with the child.

The situation needs to be addressed today. What can she do?

[Dave Bender]

Update: my girlfriends ex says he won't take the kid and that my girlfriend needs to work it out with the kid. What? Does he not understand what is happening? Now what?

[tigger]

She needs psychiatric care.  A change of custody isn't the answer and the ex realizes that.  Your girlfriend needs to have her committed.

ETA:  This will be one of the most difficult things she's ever had to do but a whole lot easier than burying a child that has died at the hands of her oldest daughter.

[ocean]

I agree, if you have a state university hospital or find out from the local police where there is a child psych unit (sometimes within a local hospital or its own building). She can report to the police that she is in fear of the child hurting someone as use today as examples. They can take her in or she can go to the intake unit at the hospital and say her family is in crisis and needs immediate help.

If anything else happens severe, she should call 911. Can also try to call the pediatrician and see if they can recommend someone or help get in somewhere. Most places have a LONG waiting list for children so it would need to be an emergency situation for anyone to take child right in.

Call insurance company and see what child psych drs are in plan and start calling them, see who can see child the fastest, be put in waiting lists. Pysch dr will/can prescribe meds and usually see patient once a month to control meds. Therapists see child each week and report back to pysch dr.

Does child have trouble at school? Any behaviors there?

Usually when a behavior plan is put into place, you see worse behaviors as the child is seeing if you mean in. Have a family meeting when things are calm. Put down the 3 highest issues with the kids. Come up with consequences if you see those things happening (have kids come up with consequences). Have positive, if they have a good day, no hitting- earn something. Stick to the chart, if she does other issues, those can be added to chart. Have mom ask for social worker or behavior specialist at school for meeting for ideas at home.

Good luck...

[Dave Bender]

The reason I mention the girl going with the ex is, from all I have heard, she doesn't act this badly when in his care. She still has problems and yes she needs help, but to me this would seem to be a quick cooling down of things to figure out what to do next. When my girlfriend told her to stop it you're going to cause an accident when she was grabbing for the wheel, the girl tells her I don't care if you die. I'll just go live with daddy.

My girlfriend has tried the charts/rewards type things. It doesn't help much with this child. The other two are no problem.

The girl wants to live with her dad. My girlfriend has no problem with her going to live with him. He doesn't want her full time and comes up with excuses. I can maybe understand it'll be a shock to his current living situation, but when your child is in need, and you can help alleviate the situation, you would think you could put aside yourself for a moment and focus on the childs needs.

[Giggles]

This girl needs help ASAP!!  My daughter at this age also was acting out (not quite to these extremes) and even threatened to kill herself.  I had her Baker Acted and she spent a week in a juvenile psychiatric hospital.  It made a world of difference!  My daughter is now 14 and is such a JOY.


Get her to a doctor ASAP!!

[Kitty C.]

Dave, it's very possible that the child KNOWS how ambivalent her father is and the combination of having watched how he treated her mother AND having the feeling that 'no one wants her' (very possible how she's feeling right now) could be the cause of her acting out like this.  I agree with the others...she needs professional help NOW!