My unusual custody issue as a father

[Jakarii]

I am in the process of a joint custody case with the mother of my child because she just started keeping my daughter (21 months old) away from me. I feel my case is unique because when my daughter was 6 months old I moved her and her mother into my place, it was understood that she would not try to make any advances towards me because I was not interested in her romantically (we only dated for a week or two but have known each other for 8 years). While living with me I only made her pay 20% of the rent as well as take the master bedroom.

I also took care of every utility and gave her my other car to use as she fit (she later forgot to put oil in the engine which caused the engine to die). She, along with my daughter, stayed with me for a year (June 1st 2013-June 1st 2014). During this time I watched my daughter while she worked 11 hours a day with two days a week off. After my lease was up I got her a place right across the hall because she could not get her own place due to her criminal record. After I got her the place on June 2nd 2014 I continued to watch my daughter while she worked days and sometimes kept her during the nights (many times due to her wanting to go party or go on dates).


Sometime in August she moved in her friend who also had a baby because she was trying to get away from her abusive boyfriend, because of this I told my daughters mother I would not help her with the rent due to her having a roommate. (I'd like to add that during this whole year and a half I had been taking care of all things for my daughter including food, diapers and between me and my mother we have bought 99% of my daughters clothes and toys). During this time she agreed she would never ask for child support because I always took care of my daughter since the day I found out she was mine (her mother did not know who the father was). Last weekend I took my daughter back east to meet my side of the family since, other than my mother who flies out to visits her at least once a month, no one else has ever met her. Before I could go though her mom made me sign a contract saying I would bring her back in three days with no exception other than a plane crash or some emergency event, she made this contract even knowing that I fly stand by which can be very iffy.

I agreed to sign the contract because she is constantly telling me I don't really have any rights and Utah always agrees with the mom so I would barely ever see my daughter if she saw fit. She also said I would have to text her every hour on the hour no matter what and constantly send pictures. Before flying back east she tried texting my mom to let her know the "rules" but made them like threats so my mom did not answer. This made her extremely upset so she constantly texted my mom saying she will never see my daughter again and a bunch of other nonsense (my mom has kept the texts).

I went back east Friday and struggled to make it back Monday. I told her it would be best if we left Tuesday to come back to Utah because Sundays and Mondays are horrible as far as standby and one of the connecting airports,Chicago, had some type of accident which cancelled many flights (nightmare for standby). Me and my daughter went to the airport at 5am to catch a flight that connected in Chicago but found out it was cancelled so we had to stay in the airport to try to catch each flight in order to get back to Utah since my daughters mother said under no circumstances will she allow me to come tomorrow. The airport was very cold and my daughter was irritable the whole time we were there. Due to the contract I signed I ended up buying a ticket at 4pm because it didn't look like I would be able to get on any of the later flights. While taxing we were told our flight would be delayed by an hour. During this time I kept texting my daughters mother and explaining that we are struggling to catch a flight and that the current one is delayed, she responded with a bunch of threats about this never happening again and not allowing me to take my daughter anywhere ever again (I've saved all of these texts).

I told her that she was right , that this would never happen again because I would be filing for joint custody. She texted me over and over after that telling me she's filing for child support and saying I would only see my daughter one weekend a month and if I didn't agree then I wouldn't see her at all. After we landed in Utah she texted me saying she is at the airport and when I got to my car at the diamond park and go she drove up and took my daughter from me. This was this past Monday and she has not allowed me to see my daughter ever since no matter what I say. I am still proceeding with the joint custody and he only reason I'm not going for full is due to the fact that I've always done things that's in the best interest of my daughter and having both parents, keeping routine, is what's in her best interest. Now instead of me watching her while her mom is at work my baby mother has been taking her to her mothers house which is unacceptable because her mother is a hoarder, perception drug abuser and sometimes passes out and has seizers due to not taking her medication. She has also had her children taking away from her in the past by DCF.

I am a very good father and all of her friends, family and my friends and family will all confirm this. I'm also worried about my daughters safety while with her because she has sever depression and has trouble sleeping so she takes some type of pills which causes her to not even remember things (while back east I called her and talked to her and the next day she didn't even remember, all this is saved via text as well). I'm hoping anything you all can do will help in my case because I'm constantly hearing stories of fathers having no chance at joint custody in Utah.

I'm a veteran who pays his bills through my AirForce money (2850 a month) and I stay in a two bed room apartment. My daughters month stays right across the hall in a one bed room apartment in my name with her roommate, the roommates baby, and a dog. She has also texted me saying "good luck paying two rents" since the place is in my name she has decided to not pay rent because she knows it won't affect her credit but destroy mine. Everyone that knows her, including me, thinks she may also be bi polar because she flips out over the smallest things and then a minute later she is completely calm like she didn't just flip out a minute earlier. Another reason I have bent over backwards to help her is due to the fact she has had a rough childhood with her mom neglecting her, abuse, drug issues in the past.

I have no criminal record, come from a good home and have also had this thing where I constantly help people no matter how bad they have hurt me.. Anyway that's my story and I'm hoping you all are able to help in anyway even if it's just to get my story out there for others to see. I have retained a lawyer and have been told that things could take about 3 weeks before anything gets settled so I thought I would give you guys a try to see if things could get sped up if it becomes public knowledge.

I also hope that if you do make it public it helps other guys who are good fathers come forward and apply for joint custody instead of living in fear of never seeing their children due to the threats of the mother and spitefulness. Thank you very much

[tigger]

Your lawyer told you it could take 3 weeks?  That's it?  Custody battles tend to take a lot longer than weeks.  More like 6 months or more.

Edited to add:  Have you been documenting everything?  (I'm speaking for Ocean now. :-) ) Get a calendar and color code it to show all the times you've had the child.  Collect all receipts for any money you've spent on the child.

[ocean]

LOL Tigger...first thing in my head is fire that lawyer....3 weeks?? No way, 3 weeks to get FIRST court date of many.

Any way to go to landlord for her apartment and state you are no longer living there? Did you sign a contract to lease it? Can you add on the other adults names to the lease? Not sure but find out how to get them both out of that apartment.

Reality- You need proof of her craziness. Who is watching baby while she is at work this week? Document everything and how many days you had child for as long as you can remember, especially over nights. Courts like to document on how many NIGHTS with each parent. Courts will give joint custody and mom will usually be primary parent to a child that young. Since you live so close, insist on 50/50 custody and do not give in until a judge says that is what he/she is ordering. If others see her craziness, they can report a CPS case for child. Also you can have your local police to a welfare check on child just to make sure child is okay.

If mom has more custody, child support will be ordered and pretty strict on the amount. They go by state guidelines. Go to your state child support calculator and put in numbers. Diapers and food will NOT count. MONEY to her now will NOT count. Save receipts if you buy anything but NO money to her. Put money away in account for if/when they order child support you will have the money to pay arrears if any.

Court- First date is usually a hearing. Lawyers talk to each other and see if you two agree...if not another hearing is ordered and another and another. If you have a good lawyer and a judge on a happy day, you MIGHT get a temp visitation order so you can see your child while the courts figure this out over the next few months. Main goal from first hearing is getting a temp order...nothing else. Say "I want a temp visitation order with days and times with Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas in there as court takes a long time and you want to be able to continue parenting your child over the next few months as mother has refused any contact in xx days".

Send ex a test or email (proof)
Ex,
I have filed for joint custody as we are both xx parents. Until the judge makes a parenting plan, please let me know the times and days of the week that xx is available to come to my house.
Thank you
You

If she writes back, treat her letters as a business partner, only answer what needs to be answered, very short and to the point.

She talked to someone, as you are BOTH her parents according to the law. SO, you could have kept her and let her file against you. She is being careful until an order is made. Many parents do not see their children during court as there is not any orders so the temp order is important if you can not agree to the whole parenting plan. Whatever papers you sign (perm papers) are the papers for LIFE (and I am not kidding). Very hard to change future orders so think about what happens at school age? holidays? school vacations? your birthday? summer visits? Look online for parenting plans. Good luck!

[MixedBag]

Well folks, three weeks would be QUICK to get into a court room to make TEMPORARY arrangements -- different jurisdictions, different response times, K?

Good luck dad....keep lots of good records on everything you're doing and paying for.

And that "flying standby" is for the birds when you're on a time crunch -- not that you should have been on one to begin with.  You're probably better off planning and therefore saving money.

[Jakarii]

Sorry. I meant to say that it would be three weeks after she is served (she was served Thursday) in order to get seen for the temp orders. 

[ocean]

Here to it takes about 3 weeks to get a court date BUT it is rare if you get ANY orders at the first hearing unless 1. you both agree to a new order or 2. your lawyer is strong and judge is having a good day and tells lawyers to come up with temp order until next court date.