Terminating mothers parental rights

[mamaw]

This goes back to when my grandson was 2 months old. To make a very long story short - they couldn't/wouldn't take care of their child and while hoping they'd both step up to the plate obviously that didn't happen, they both willingly signed over custody to us. While we still had to go through the courts to make it legal, they still let it ride.
I'm just as hard on my son as I am on the mother, he's close enough that I can make my points face to face and all I/we know is tough love with him, for the better part of his life actually. But he is more involved that the mother is. And yes, he is content on things being the way they are because he can go do what he wants, when he wants with no regard of his son because he knows he's being taken care of. He has support withdrawn from his paycheck so there's something coming there, and my son has a new love in this life that adores my grandson and sees the situation as it is and has pledged to help on her end to get my son more involved in his son's life. We'll take any help we can get and luckily she's a sweet heart. Wouldn't mind having her for my daughter in law ...
It's been hard as far as I truly hoped that one or both WOULD step up to the plate, while at the same time knowing we were in this for the long haul, we wouldn't have done it if we weren't of that mind set. He calls us mamaw and papaw, yet now and then a 'mom' or 'dad' slips out. My husband says I have rose colored glasses welded to my face so it takes time some times for reality to sink in because I always hold out hope. Our grandson seems to realize his situation is a little different than his friends whereas he lives with us instead of his dad and mother. He mentions it from time to time usually ending with something along the lines that "I live with my  mamaw and papaw, I just visit my mom and dad."
When she called - back in May after a four month no contact in any way - she stated that they'd be up the end of July and actually thought I'd let her take him back with her for a week. By then she'll not have seen him for 8 months, only called twice, so the answer was not only no but H--- no. Her father lives just 30 minutes away and I stated that she was always welcome to get him when she's visiting her father, period.
We feel it's not about her feelings anymore, but what's the best thing for our grandson. She's made it perfectly clear where her loyalties lie and it's never been with her son, and getting him seems to be a conscience easier on her part, like 'there, I've done my part for a while.'
I made mention about the support because she tried to say that the reason we were fighting her getting custody back was about the money. Keep in mind she's several thousand dollars behind, so there's no money coming to be missing should she have gotten custody back. We're expecting a small chunk in the next few weeks from her tax refund and we're setting up a market fund/cd to have something for him to go to college on. During the custody issue last summer she actually complained to the GAL about having to pay support! How idiotic is that?
I'll try to enlighten about the custody battle. She had gone 3 months with no contact, showed up for 1 week, after she was gone, we received notice of her wanting custody back. She went another 2 months with no contact after filing to get him back. She was in town 2 days before the first court date and didn't call to talk to him or to make arrangement to get him, then she decided to stay in town for a week and actually stated "Since I'm staying for a few days, thought I'd get him." Which begs the question, if she had decided to go back home right after court would she have seen him at all? Her contact with him never improved during the custody issue, and as I had stated if a custody issue can be cut and dry this one was.
When they call wanting to see him and we have plans, we don't alter our plans for them, they have to re arrange their end or just not see him, as is usually the case.
I put this question out there because the mother comes around just enough to totally screw with my grandson's emotions then disappears for months again. If she would just keep walking we could settle into a true rythym and get on with life. We just seem to be waiting for the other shoe to drop where she's concerned only because of what it does to our grandson. He doesn't seem to miss her, hardly ever talks about her. I would love to be able to just shut her out, put a bubble around my grandson until his old enough to understand the situation and let him decide if he wants to know her. And should he want to know her we would stand behind him and help in any way we could.
It just an ugly situation. I feel helpless where she's concerned, knowing what happens to my grandson and not being able to stop it other than going against the courts in as much as I have to allow visitation, I just don't have to let her take him out of state. Since she dismissed the custody issue her contact has gotten a lot worse, so I tell myself, maybe she'll just stop coming around all together, but there's my rose colored glasses again ...